


Please Forgive Me, I Can't Stop Loving You

by ladyofshallott



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Culture, Allura & Keith (Voltron) Friendship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Curly-haired Lance, Dimension Travel, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Forbidden Love AU in which paladins can't fall in love due to insanity, Friends to Lovers, Gay Keith (Voltron), Good Lotor (Voltron), Heartbreak, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Jealous Keith (Voltron), Jealous Lance (Voltron), KALLURA FRIENDSHIP STANS RISE, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Langst, Language of Flowers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Or Is It?, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 02, Protective Lance (Voltron), Red Paladin Lance (Voltron), Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Smitten Keith (Voltron), Smitten Lance (Voltron), Soulmates, i'm deeply offended that this isn't a tag, is it a fic of mine if klance aren't jelly, keith looks like an emo but stans 1d pass it on, let's gooo, maybe? i'm not sure yet, so many cliches bro, stranded on a planet, they're so cute and so in love :(, yes i'm doing my boi good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 51,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26294476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofshallott/pseuds/ladyofshallott
Summary: you make it look like it’s magic‘cuz i see nobody, nobody but you you you...– earned it, the weekndorLance and Keith try too desperately not to fall in love.Unsurprisingly, they fail.🪐”You and the Black Paladin seem really close," she commented, a subtle hint of something behind those words that he truly wished he didn't catch. Lance fought against the urge to search for his teammate in the crowd almost immediately. And there was no need to search, because he already knew where he was. As if Lance was physically able to take his eyes off him all night."I suppose." Lance shrugged his shoulders. Acting and pretending like the fool he was.He heard a curious hum next to him. The woman inched her head on one side, tracing her long finger over the edge of her glass cup. But then she leaned up and said, just for his ears only."What a shame you can never truly have him then."
Relationships: Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 125





	1. tidal waves

**Author's Note:**

> Hello you beautiful people! For the people who come from my fic 'boyfriend <3' - hi welcome back i love you! And if you're new here - hii i hope you enjoy my writing! I've been thinking about this idea since last year so i'm super excited that i finally release it. Hope you stay for the long ride!
> 
> The title comes from the song 'Please Forgive Me' by Bryan Adams. I edited the title, because i thought it was more fitting for this AU and this story. Also I will be using a lot of flowers refrences that i've read all from the book called 'A Victorian Flower Dictionary' by Mandy Kirkby! 
> 
> This fic will deal with a lot more serious topics and there is a slight gore at the begining of this chapter so be careful! <3
> 
> ENJOY!!

#### chapter I - tidal waves

Lance liked breaking the rules.

It wasn’t something he should be proud of, he guessed, but _hey_ , it wasn’t his fault he was like that, when he grew up in a household full of troublemakers.

From his abuelo who was the ultimate prank master, to his older sister – Angeline – who taught him all the nasty tricks, stupid jokes and groan worthy, flirty pick-up lines he could pull out of his sleeve if he wanted to get away with something. Most of the time they didn’t exactly work, but Lance couldn’t say he regretted every piece of knowledge she has shared with him throughout their childhood.

Breaking the rules must have passed down over one generation, because _goddamn_ were his parents boring to the bone. Both were quiet and reserved, especially his father who always spoke so quietly sometimes, all the family members had to shut up and listen in case they wanted to hear. He’s never seen his father explode with anger or raise his voice to his kids. His mother was preferably on the side, where everyone would expect her to breathe fire and fuel, yelling so loud the whole neighborhood would hear what her kids have done again. But nevertheless she was still a calm woman, with a kind smile and caring eyes. They just preferred to stay in and have fun in the comfort of their home. Lance couldn’t blame them.

What he was trying to say – even if his parents weren’t as loud or daring as him and his siblings – breaking the rules was in his DNA.

His oldest brother, Gabriel would say _‘Lance, don’t touch this button_ _,_ _the game is still loading’_ and Lance would touch it.

His abuela would scold him _‘Lance, don’t eat the flan - it’s still hot’_ and he’d wait to see his grandma going away so he can use the hidden spoon in his sleeve, burying it in the tasty dessert.

His mother would advise him not to go down to this specific slide in the waterpark for he wasn’t tall nor old enough yet. But guess what? Lance still did it.

The pattern was painfully obvious, he had to admit. Lance broke the rules and he always hurt someone in the process, but miraculously he still kept doing it even when at the end he got hurt the most.

His brother was upset and didn’t talk to him for a week, when he pressed that button. He burned his tongue on the flan and cried for ten minutes, making his abuela upset for something _he_ did after she warned him specifically. He got a broken arm after he charmed his way on that slide and left the water park in an ambulance, instead in the family car.

He comforted himself, however, that after all karma always found a way to bite him in the ass. At the end of the day he was still the hurt one so it didn’t matter, right? He made Hunk and Pidge break the rules and look where it got them! Endless of miles away from their families, their home and planet, fighting a war against purple furry aliens that they had to finish solely, because in some strange way they had some sort of mental-spiritual connection with five mechanical, magical Lions that formed the greatest weapon known to the universe.

So breaking the rules was great – you had fun, the fact that you were doing something you weren’t supposed to was thrilling and Lance loved every second of it. But that was until the consequences caught up to you and pushed you into an endless pile of guilt, despair and sadness.

In the Castle of Lions though, in these times where every day was give or take – you didn’t know if you were going to be alive at the end of it, because in every second you took a breath freely was precious and priceless. There was no room for mistakes as Allura has put it millions of times, no room to be weak, vulnerable or soft when you were fighting on the battlefield. For these past months… _phoebs_ Shiro and Allura have tried to turn every one of them into the perfect soldier. Obviously they’ve never abused the power they had, unlike other authority figures Lance knew, and always provided emotional comfort and a hand to get up whenever they fell, whether it’d be figuratively or literally.

 _‘Be beasts on the field, compassionate when you yield to those who are in a need for help’_ was Allura and Coran’s motto whenever they struggled with their abilities and moral being on the line; whenever they landed on a new Galra base; a planet crying out for aid and a new ray of light and hope that has been shadowed by oppression, corruption, grief and lack of faith for thousand years.

Maybe that’s what made the Paladin job so satisfying at the end for Lance.

The eyes of all these alien brightening, their smiles breaking out on their all kinds of different faces, as if they haven’t done that motion in so long they’ve forgotten how to. The way Lance felt the complete gratitude in every touch, when they held his hands, touched his face or simply bowed their heads, trying to formulate into words and actions how much they appreciated Voltron. What a blessing to everyone they were.

Lance always felt like choking up tears.

It got worse when little kids ran up to him and he got reminded of his little siblings and niece, that the family sized hole in his heart started aching even more than usual, the desire to rip the heart out of his chest just for it to stop hurting. He never showed it.

He never dared.

These kids wanted a dashing smile, a hug and a promise everything would be okay. Voltron would always be on their side. They definitely didn’t need a crying mess of emotions, sobbing over his words as he explained himself that he was just homesick. Because these kids had got it worse than him and he wasn’t in a place to want comfort from them. He was a soldier and didn’t show weakness in front of his enemies or allies.

 _“We’ll always have some stabbing us in the back, betraying us, turning us over.  
Never trust anyone, but _yourself _, your team and your Lion. Even then.”_

Allura’s words echoed in his ears after a particularly bad battle, when the leader of the planet they were saving turned out to be a Galra supporter and called a fleet on them during the negotiation talk.

Whenever he choked back his sobbing at the sight of hugging families, lovers embracing and kissing, happiness radiating of themselves that was too much for him to handle – that’s when Lance remembered.

Never show weakness, because other will too.  
Don’t cry, because others will cry.

Never break any rules. This was war. Breaking the rules meant death for you, death for your teammates – it meant dooming the universe. If Lance, or anyone else, dared to even think of getting side tracked from their original goal the consequences won’t be pretty. At all.

Disobeying orders wasn’t always bad. Sometimes he had to do it, if he wanted them to win. Sometimes he had to, because innocent lives were at stake and Lance couldn’t _not_ disobey.

_‘Beast on the field, compassionate when you yield to those who need help’_

_‘Be the best soldier you can be’_

Those were the mantras Lance chanted in his head, when the bayard was heavy in his hands, air hot in his helmet, feet hurrying to complete yet another mission. He might be a goof and joke around a lot, show off like there’s no tomorrow, but _this_ Lance in so short time has changed for the better. Or worse – Lance still didn’t know. The remains of the Lance before he became a Paladin were barely sticking up at this point.

He grabbed the golden necklace that laid gently, just a bit below his collarbones, in the middle. He clutched it hard in his hand and closed his eyes, sleepiness winning him over. The blue neon lights gave the dark room a soft glow that he saw even behind his lids.

_‘Never break any rules’_

But little did he know …  


he was about to break the worst rule of them all.

･:*:･ﾟ.・・･:* :･ﾟ｡･: *:･ﾟ・

The sand beneath his feet was confusing.

Lance hasn’t opened his eyes, but his ears managed to hear childish yells and shrieks over the sounds of the waves crashing in front of him. The strong ocean breeze ruffled his hair and Lance breathed in deeply, trying to memorize everything. The smell, the sounds, the feelings. He didn’t understand why he did, but some part of his brain just said ‘ _do it, you won’t regret it_ ’.

He finally allowed his eyes to pry open, lashes fluttering against the salty wind. The ocean in front of him was not a welcoming turquoise shade, but rather a dull grey and the waves clashed in such anger and malice, that even the white foam looked threatening as stupid as it sounded. Something clawed at his chest and he dared to look up, but this time he was not surprised at the sight that greeted him.

The sky was even darker, gray clouds were meshing together to create even a darker color. Just on time, a thunder rumbled through the air and it was so loud and evil – Lance made a drastic scared step backwards. The wind seemed to be getting harsher with every second to the point Lance could feel himself swaying, because of the force. Unfortunately, he had nothing to grip for so he tried to grasp on the cross around his neck, like it would help him magically in any way. It had been there, familiarly warm on his chest for so many years to the point where Lance couldn’t imagine himself without it. But quick panic settled in when his fingers found nothing and he just clamped onto the empty air.

He looked down and then around himself frantically, searching down in the white sound for the familiar shiny gold. He had never taken it off from the moment his mother gave it to him on his twelfth birthday. Never lost it, never had to search for it, because it was _that_ important to him.

Despite that, it seemed that there wasn’t any sign of the golden cross and the tiny ruby diamond in the middle of it, flashing back at him.

He looked back at the ocean, its waves getting bigger and huger and for the first time Lance was _afraid_ of the most common presence in his life since he was born.

His parents have always warned him to always keep four eyes open, just in case, because even when the water looked friendly – it could also always turn into your greatest enemy. It could find a way to trick you in its clutches and never let you go until you suffocate. As a kid he thought that he was immune to such things as drowning. _Him?_ The best swimmer on his team? Drowning? An absurd thought.

It all became so real when at the age of nine, his mom came up to him red eyed, cheeks wet from tears and told him his best friend, who also lived in the house next to theirs – Miguel Hernandez – drowned in the ocean in the morning. He went with his parents to celebrate his little sister’s birthday; he was only nine, but the ocean didn’t care.

Lance cried for so long, tears pouring out of his eyes for hours and days, seeming they’d never stop. On the funereal, Miguel’s mama was so emotionless and hollow, for a second little Lance imagined his own mother on her place. The fear he felt that day still made him shiver, even when he barely remembered moments from his childhood years. After that, he sworn to himself to always be careful, when it comes to the ocean.

And even after Miguel’s death, he still wasn’t afraid. More cautious, yes, but when there was a storm, Lance still felt untouchable. The ocean was never going to get him the way it got Miguel. Lance would never allow it. He’d never hurt his mama or papa in the same way.

But now? As he helplessly gazed at the ocean, that looked like it’d eat him like a bad monster out of a horror fairytale – he wanted to run _away_ from it, not _towards_ it. Lance swallowed and the limp in his throat prevented him from doing it properly.

Another thunder slashed the atmosphere and Lance whimpered as his feet stumbled by themselves trying to get away from this ugly painting. He wanted out, he wanted to escape, he wanted not to look at this anymore.

He turned around, but what greeted him made his heart pound even harder in his chest. More clashing water met his eyes and Lance looked around himself, realizing that he was _alone_. He was on an island, in the middle of nowhere abandoned like he didn’t matter to anyone. He was useless, he was worthless and he couldn’t do anything to get himself out of this situation.

Where did the children he heard from the beginning go? Did they drown? Did the thunder take them away? _What was happening?_

This time a lightning ripped the sky and his brain must have did tricks on him, because it was as if the land under him shook and Lance lost balance.

His knees hit the sand and he tried not to yell out in pain. It felt like tiny knives pierced through his skin and dread overtook him. Lance peeked down at his legs, expecting blood staining the sand, but he found nothing. The pain was still present and unbearable, but there weren’t any signs of it. He mistakenly put his hands on the ground, trying to get up, but pain attacked his palms quickly. A sob wrecked his whole body. There was another thunder sounding, and _another_ , and _another_. Lance stayed still on his hands and knees, vulnerable to everything that could happen to him, because he was _stuck_.

 _I can’t get up_ , Lance realized with horror.

He brought his head up, just in time for another bright, unforgiving lightning. Lance flinched with it and tried another time to try to get up. He struggled and the ache was stronger with every movement, but he was _not_ dying here if he didn’t _at least_ try to save himself. If not for his sake, then for his mama’s.

Lance shut his eyes, with the next thunder that rattled his whole world. Everything was so loud, his ears hurt, his whole body was tensed and tears fell out of his eyes when the tiny invisible needles broke the skin of his hands.

The fear he felt never stopped and it didn’t slow down. It even increased like an incoming tidal wave. The thought of a tsunami made him frantic and he moved again.

All of a sudden, a light touch pressed down on him, but surprisingly it didn’t hurt. Lance’s eyes flied open in astonishment to see tiny hands, with short small fingers, stroking his hand up and down. One by one, he watched how the minuscule hands detached each one of his fingers from the sandy ground. The pigment of the skin was the exact shade of brown he had, and when he was finally free from the evil painful sand, Lance looked up.

Dark blue eyes met him back. Huge brown curls, light brown face and it broke his heart even more now that he recognized to whom it belonged.

Malena.  
His youngest sister. His beautiful sunflower.

“Girasol,” he gasped out.

He gave her that nickname, when his family went on a summer vacation in some old fashioned town that was supposed to entertain him and his siblings, but sadly the whole time they were only complaining due to the heat. His parents loved it, of course. They lost Malena hours before their flight and all of them were anxious, since she was three at that time. Running around, causing trouble like the little devil she was. Lance finally found her in the middle of a sunflower field. His little sister was holding onto the flowers, hysterically crying claiming she didn’t want to go.

They had to bargain with the local citizens to gift them some sunflowers for Malena to bring back home. They happily obliged and ever since that moment Lance’s nickname for her stuck.

Her expression was curious, head tilted to the side like Lance was something she didn’t understand. Malena’s hair was a mess and the blowing wind made it worse, but she didn’t seem to care as she crawled closer to him. He instinctively leaned forward, ready to take her into his arms. He’d missed her so much and he didn’t know why. His memories were all a blur and he couldn’t seem to understand why, but his heart yearned for his sister in a way he’s never felt before.

“Are you lost?” She finally asked. “My mama always says that if I’m lost I should stay where I am so she can find me.”

 _I know_ , Lance wanted to scream, _I know, she used to say the same to me, when I was like you._

“N-no … yes … I don’t know,” Lance answered and tilted his own head. The storm never stopped and he wanted so badly to envelop her small body, to protect her from all these horrible lightings and thunders, to shield her from the waves. Lance’s knees still hurt terribly and they were still stuck on their place. Lance desperately wanted to get up and run away with Malena, _but he couldn’t_.

“You don’t know if you’re lost?” She furrowed her eyebrows and her eyes, the same as his, shifted back and forth between him and the ocean. “That’s … weird.”

Before Lance could respond to her statement, she got up and slowly started walking towards the ocean.

Towards the danger.

One wave was easily taller than her, and Lance’s heart almost skyrocketed out of him at the thought of the ocean taking her away. Taking another important person away from him.

“Malena!” He yelled and tried to get up, but the sand was like glue and it didn’t let him do anything, “Malena get back here! C’mon, come back to _hermano_!”

Lance felt like he was twelve again, at the other side of the carpet, his mother holding Malena up. Malena giggling at him and cooing at him in that way only babies could. She trashed in their mom’s arms and Lance was urging her with his arms to walk at him.

_“¡Vamos, camina por el hermano Lance!” (C’mon, walk for brother Lance!)_

Malena didn’t seem to be listening, but for his relief, she only stopped by the shore and crouched down. She was in a pastel pink summer dress that flowed with the unforgiving strong wind, that didn’t stop. She must’ve been cold, and from all the cold water that had to be spraying her she _should_ be cold, but Malena looked so unbothered by everything – and that scared Lance to no end.

“Malena! _Please_ ,” he pleaded squeezing his eyes, but didn’t do it loud enough for her to hear.

His knees made him feel like he was on fire. He was burning and the pain was so devastating and unending that for a split second he thought death would be better than this torture he was going through. His skin and bones were melting and Lance bit his lips so hard, trying not to yell. He wept, but no matter how much he cried or expressed how awful everything felt right now, nothing stopped.

Lance heard faint steps in the sand next to him. He expected Malena coming to help him again like she did with his hands, but it was not his sister that he saw.

Black curls and brown eyes, warm like coffee and inviting like a soil in a flower field – the painfully similar face, that was so precisely like his mother’s. Like _their_ mother’s.

“Lance? Why did you go?” Antonio, his ten year old brother, asked and a tear escaped his right eye, even when his face remained passive as if he was reading a boring book. The storm got worse with every beat of Lance’s heart yet his little brother stayed still like a statue. His eyes bore right into his and Lance could look past the indifference, finding the anger in these big innocent eyes.

“Go where? Toni, I’m right here.”

His brother shook his head in dismissal, before Lance could even finish the sentence. His black curls were like an aureole around his head and even when Lance had no idea what he was talking about, he wished to embrace him and tell him everything was okay. He was not going anywhere. He was never leaving him.

“You left, Lance. And you haven’t come back – I miss you so much,” Toni sounded choked up and Lance watched in terror how instead of clear tears, blood fell from his eyes, down to his cheeks and stained the white sound in alarming red, red dots painting it. “Don’t you miss me?”

“ _Sí hermano_ ,” in a flash, Malena’s voice sounded behind him like she’s always been there, standing and waiting to strike with that small broken tone of hers, “don’t you miss us?”

He wanted to scream. He wanted to fall and bury himself in his own arms and cry like the pathetic human he was. Malena was stroking his curls, but there was something wrong with her touch. It was creepy, too mechanical and robotic. He didn’t like it. Meanwhile, Toni approached him like Lance was a wild animal and the blood never stopped flooding out of his eyes. His knees still hurt.

“You left without a word. Why Lance?”

Abruptly, he heard the voice of his older brother Gabriel and he turned to the source.

And there he was.

The black eyes that instead of wise and calculating, were cold and judgemental. He was basically a copy of their grandfather and he reminisced how his abuela said that he’d be the heartbreaker of the family with his looks of his. Gabriel’s response was always to roll his eyes and grin in his dry, but charming way. His hands were casually in the pockets of his jeans and he looked Lance up and down, sizing him up like he was not _family_ , but an opponent. An _enemy_.

“I-I-” Lance began, but got cut off.

“I am your _brother_. Do you have any idea how much it hurt, when you didn’t come back home?”

He said it with such bitterness and cruelty, Lance forgot about the physical pain, because the way Gabriel’s words made him bleed was way worse than the horrific ache in his knees, that were still stuck.

A thunder roared and this might’ve been the loudest of them all with the way it shook the ground completely and harder than the first time. His siblings stayed unaffected. Malena’s hands didn’t stop caressing him and Antonio’s blood tears flooded and fell, flooded and fell – a never ending cycle. The wind whistled loudly in his ears and the sand flew a few centimeters in the air. Lance shut his eyes, a reflex to protect his eyesight from the small grits. Gabriel’s voice raised over.

“You’re just a selfish prick, thinking of no one else, but _yourself_. Like always.”

“No, no, no, no,” Lance whispered fiery and shook his head, denial already on his tongue. He didn’t know what they were talking about. They were here and he was with them. He left for where?!

A new voice joined all the mess. “Maybe if you were a better brother you’d think twice, before you caused all this chaos.”

Angeline – his older sister. His rock and comfort. Everything he wanted to be in the future.

Another thunder and after few seconds Lance heard a lightning. Nevertheless he kept his eyes closed, he didn’t dare to look at their faces and frankly he didn’t want to. Their hurtful words were enough for him.

“You’re so worthless, look at you,” the voice of his father was too close to him and Lance whimpered in pain, the one in his knees long forgotten. “Thank God you left, for I am grateful Toni and Malena won’t grow up witnessing what a disgrace you are to the family.”

He’s never heard Manuel talk like that. All memories he had from his father were filled with love and happiness. Lance has never imagined such spite could come out of his father’s mouth.

“Papa is right – I don’t even want Juliana next to you,” Gabriel snarled and the mention of his niece shattered his heart even more. She was only three, yet Lance felt like he had hurt her greatly already. He opened his eyes all at once and Lance sobbed again at the sight of his family. Only Malena was behind him continuing meddling with his hair, humming like none of this was her business. Lance wished he could do the same.

“ _Please_ ,” Lance choked out, but no one helped him. They all watched him struggle like a newborn in the sand. His knees were getting weaker and weaker and he didn’t have enough strength to go on. Physical or mental.

“There is no mercy for you.”

Such words coming out of Malena made him shiver, sweat sticking to his skin.

“Even death is a reward for someone as pathetic as you,” Antonio continued immediately.

Lance put his palms over his ears like that would prevent him from all the pain.

“Next time, don’t even bother to come back home,” but it didn’t work, because Gabriel’s words sounded like he was right in Lance’s head. Inside his brain, like a parasite that would never get out. Lance started shaking his head.

“Stop,” he muttered sorrowfully, voice raising like the waves around them, “stop it please.”

“We will never stop – not until you get it. You will never belong with us nor anywhere. You’ll die alone, because that’s what you deserve.”

“Stop it _goddamit_ , I never left, I don’t know what you all mean,” Lance defended himself, knowing that there was no point in saying it.

Angeline would never say that, he chanted inwardly and groaned under his nose.

_“You should’ve died, instead of Miguel.”_

“STOP IT!”

His father’s words were the last blow, before Lance yelled so loud and heartbreaking just in time for the next thunder. This one was groundbreaking and Lance couldn’t hear anything anymore. Everything was too loud, too painful, it was like all the horrible possible sounds in the universe have gathered here to torture him altogether. He pinched his eyes and pressed his hands into his ears even more, afraid he’d hear something else other than his own heavy breathing.

Lance counted to thirty, before he suddenly felt something wet falling on him.

At first his brain was unresponsive, all logic and rational thinking were out of the window, when it fell again. And again. Until he felt it everywhere on his body and around him. He carefully opened his eyes one by one. Closed them again. Opened them. Just to make sure what he saw wasn’t an illusion.

Rain.

It was cold and goosebumps rose on his skin, but there wasn’t any mistake. Rain was pouring on the sand, making it a shade darker than usual. He looked around himself and even though the wind was still blowing, and the waves were still violent fighting each other like it was a battle of life and death; the sky was finally calm. It was gray, but there was no trace of any thunders or lightning coming up soon.

Too late, unfortunately, he grasped on to the realization that his knees didn’t hurt anymore. He looked down and tried to pick up his leg from the sand and exhaled in relief, when it did. The splitting pain was gone and so was his family. He crashed down on his back in the sand and breathed in the air smelling of salt and seaweed, making a face at the sweat on his back that made his shirt cling onto his skin like a leech.

He didn’t know how long he stayed like this. Tired, under the sky and the pouring rain. Watching the clouds silently and discreetly moving as he listened to the ocean all around him.

Breathe in.  
Breathe out.

Suddenly Lance caught a strange motion with the corner of his eye. He turned his head to the right and his heart picked up its fastened beat again, when the sight of his mother’s back was what he saw. Her black curly hair, rich of thickness and length. Her pants were rolled up to just a bit below her knees and she just stood there, not moving at all.

Lance urgently got up too quickly and he swayed, because of the lack of balance. He didn’t even bother to clean himself from the sand that was everywhere on his body. The waves were not as tall, but still dangerous and they loomed over the seemingly small figure his mother had. The rain dropped in the water and created mini circles where it landed. Lance couldn’t help, but think that it was beautiful. The water was cold and Lance shivered, when he came in touch with it, but stubbornly made his way to his mom.

She looked so lonely.

He finally arrived at her side, after so many ocean waves tried to beat him down.

His hair fell wet in his eyes and Lance brushed his curls back, in order to see perfectly. He grasped her hand. It was so cold and lifeless, like the one of a corpse, but Lance tugged her towards the shore even when there was no reaction on her side.

“Mama, it’s not safe here let’s go,” he said and tugged her again, when she didn’t budge.

“My son. My son is gone.”

“Mom, I’m here. See? I’m Lance and I’m not going anywhere.”

He stood in front of her, protecting her from all the deadly waves the ocean threw at them. Her brown eyes looked straight through him and she didn’t look up, even when he gently grabbed her face, trying to make her gaze up at him.

“Mama?”

“My son – Lance – have you seen him? He promised he’ll come back and I wait here every day. But still no sign of him,” she tilted her head sadly and furrowed her eyebrows in misery, “I wonder if he’ll come back…”

The tone of her voice was so empty and all Lance wanted was to shake her in despair. Didn’t she recognize him? The face of her son?

“Mama, what are you talking about, I’m here,” said Lance, desperation laced in his voice. Didn’t she see him? Panic settled in his chest and he crouched a little so he could look at her. Her eyes were like an empty shell and all those imaginations he’s had turned back at him and he once again felt like crying.

She saw something behind him and Lance had no time to react. In slow motion she brought up her face to stare at him.

“It begins,” she said.

Thick and dark blood emerged out of her mouth and Lance gasped in shock at the sight. Then water came out too and Lance couldn’t help, but gape at this. In full horror, Lance watched the way her neck decomposed itself, the skin tearing, red lines and scratches marveling her brown skin, as if someone cut her throat and left it to rot. He tried to touch it and help her from the pain she must’ve been feeling. He suppressed the urge to vomit, when his fingers dipped into some cut, just in time for when she opens her mouth.

“You can’t stop this,” she rasped out.

And the last thing he remembered was a tidal wave crashing down on them.

Lance gasped.

He shot up from his laying position and tried to take a breath, but his lungs couldn’t catch up with him no matter how much he tried to calm down. His heart beat wildly in his chest like it’d jump out of him any minute. Black dots painted his vision and Lance groaned quietly as he pressed his shaking hands against his eyes. His head was pounding, headache trying to simply crush his skull into dust. There was sweat pooling down his back and it wetted the sheet beneath him. Lance breathed in and moaned in pain at how hard it happened to be.

His face was also sweaty and since he didn’t take a shower before he fell asleep, his hair felt greasier and grosser than before. It itched so bad, but Lance didn’t dare to satisfy himself and scratch it, because the fear of the dream he just experienced still haunted him and he was scared if he opened his eyes – the sight of his mother with a ravished neck would be there, in front of him. He willed his legs to come closer to his chest and Lance put his elbows on his knees as he hung his head low between them. He took another ragged inhale and thankfully it was easier this time.

 _It was just a nightmare_ , he reassured himself.

A traumatizing nightmare nevertheless, but it still wasn’t something real at least. His family was on Earth, safe and away from the bloody daily routine he was living in. His siblings and father would never say these things to him and his mother would recognize him the moment she sees him.

He sighed heavily and gulped. Lance took his palms away from his eyes and for a second he was scared shitless that indeed, his mother would be there, but his heart calmed down when there was only a line of blue neon light, the same color as his armor, in front of him. His room was quiet as a tomb, save for his uneven breathing and something in his chest squeezed itself when he was reminded once again how the Castle was so much different from his house. Lance never thought he’d miss all the loud chattering and blabbering, all the fights for the bathroom and the crying of the little kids, alas here he was, tears filling his eyes at the mere thought of it.

It was unbearably hot in his room (or maybe it was just him) so he clumsily kicked off the thin blanket away. He swung his legs over and he happily accepted the coldness, when his toes touched the polished floor. Lance idly glanced towards the electronic clock on the night stand, next to his bed. There were all kinds flowers and stones from all the planets he and his team have visited around it, so Lance reached towards to push some away so he could see the time. It was in Altean, but from all the lessons Pidge and Allura have been giving him, he read correctly with satisfaction and dread. It was roughly around 3 AM and of course, it was way too early for all the daily activities that awaited him, when he was supposed to wake up at seven.

He carded his long fingers through his hair and grimaced at the how disgusting it felt. There were too much knots, the roots were as greasy as it gets and Lance scolded himself entirely for skipping his cosmetic routines lately. There had been too much pressure recently with too many missions and too little time to rest. Not to mention that they’ve been preparing to finally take down Zarkon in the incoming weeks, but Lance felt so drained out of energy and he foolishly hoped, when the battle comes he’d be prepared.

With a grunt, Lance stood up and headed towards his bathroom with his legs slightly trembling. The bathroom immediately lighted up, when he stepped in and he didn’t want to look in the mirror, for he knew if he looked at his face it’d be scarier than the nightmare he just had. Lance stripped off of his tank top and without any grace removed his sweatpants and underwear. He set the water to be cool and immediately set a foot under, relieved to wash away the clinging dirt, whether literal or metaphorical.

For some seconds Lance just stood under the spraying water, let it clean his face, wet his hair like that would make him forget all the ugly visions he saw from minutes ago. And even when this nightmare completely destroyed him, he still wished he could’ve paid more attention to the fact that he saw _them_. He saw his family after so many months, deprived of their presence, and his brain delivered him this? Great.

When he reached for the shampoo bottle, Lance suddenly got reminded of the golden cross on his neck. His hand immediately flied to it and his legs almost buckled in relief, when he touched it – unlike in his dream, when it wasn’t there. He rearranged the chain so it could be set properly and grabbed the small cross between his thumb and forefinger.

It was small and it shined like a tiny sun under the light due to the fact that it was real gold. The little ruby stone that had been carved in the middle of it winked back at him and Lance smeared over it with his finger to clean the dirty fog.

It was the most expensive and precious thing he owned since it was passed down from generations in his family. His mother was the previous owner and she gave it to him on his twelfth birthday as her gift to him. No one in his family was religious – in fact his mother was an atheist – but it had a sentimental value to everyone from his mother’s side so Lance has never taken it off no matter what.

Even in battles he thought of it as a lucky charm, as a protection; a shield from the enemies. It almost felt like his mother was next to him.

He dropped it against his skin and finally grabbed the shampoo. Afterwards the soap for his body and he didn’t even whistle or tried to sing while he cleaned himself. It was usually a fun process to him, a tiny moment where he could forget about everything and relax. However, that stupid nightmare kept replaying into his mind like an annoying song he didn’t like.

The memory of his mother’s empty eyes and the blood and water trailing down from her mouth to her decayed neck popped up again and he shuddered. It was definitely not from the shower.

At last, Lance was done with the showering and the Castle’s technology provided him with a clean towel that was blue, warm and fluffy. He wrapped it around his hips and shook his hands while they were in his hair as he tried to dry it out faster.

Back in the Garrison he used to strengthen his hair, since he felt insecure about his curls. Now however, while they were in the void; in the middle of nowhere, appearance didn’t really matter as much as back on Earth, when you were saving the literal universe. Of course, Lance wasn’t a heathen and still took care of his looks no matter what, but he could feel like he could be lazy some days and not even bother. No one commented on a random zit or his curls and he felt _good_. In fact everyone complimented him on them. He may have blushed a little, when Keith tilted his head during breakfast and told him he looked better like this, but _hey!_ The guy just had an intense stare, that’s all.

Lance padded towards the closet and looked at the limited clothing choices he had. Allura and Coran had promised to the team to take them back to another Space Mall for clothes and other stuff they all might need so Lance wasn’t that upset, when he grabbed boxers, a grey t-shirt and another pair of black sweatpants.

He shook his head left and right like a dog, when he entered the bathroom once again to retrieve his dirty clothes. He put them in the container next to closet, which meant that the Castle will have them clean in max three hours. He looked at his bed, with its rumpled sweaty sheets in distaste and decided to deal with that later, because Lance realized he was in a dire need of water.

He exited his room with a simple touch to his handprint pad and the dead silent in the hallway was enough for his heart to increase its beat again. On his left there was Keith’s room and on his right it was Hunk’s. They must be asleep since Lance was coming out of his room pretty early.

More than he’d like to admit, whenever Lance had a pretty rough nightmare he’d go to Hunk’s room who would comfort him no matter what, sacrificing the little sleep he was getting anyways in order to be the best friend he could be. But, there was this part of his brain that refused to even talk about whatever nightmare he experienced. Lance’s nightmares were never this gore or graphic. Lance has never felt this afraid of his own mind. It all felt _too_ real.

So he frankly ignored the desire to be comforted or hugged and walked in the kitchen’s direction as he put his hands in his pockets. His feet echoed with a soft sound in the silence. They were also cold and he regretted not putting his socks or the Lion slippers on. They were always so comfortable and warm and he never understood why Keith never bothered to put them on.

Speaking off, just when Lance passed by the training room, which he assumed was empty, he heard a loud crash and then a _‘Fuck!’_ accompanied afterwards. He came to a sudden stop and he whirled towards the closed white doors that led to the room in which the life got drained out of him on the daily.

There was only one person who’d be up this late, training like a crazy when he should be asleep.

_Keith._

For a hot minute, Lance just stood there, staring like something would happen soon. He bit his lip and made a step towards the kitchen again, before he stopped again and twirled towards the training room again like it was a cookie he shouldn’t touch, but he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to go in and he didn’t know _why_. It was just the Red Paladin overworking himself as usual. Nothing special, nor new. He didn’t even know why he was hesitating if he should go in or go on his way.

He unconsciously grabbed onto his cross and fiddled with it. It was a nervous tick he gained in the first months in the Garrison. The pressure in the beginning was unbearable and the struggle Lance was feeling was crushing down on him like a rock he was trying to hold up. He still called his family and face timed them, but it wasn’t the same. Hunk was the only comfort he had and to this day he was eternally grateful for the Yellow Paladin.

At the end Lance took a small step towards the training room. Maybe Shiro would be happy with him if he didn’t leave Keith beating himself too much like always? He nodded to himself at this since it made sense. He was doing it for Shiro. He’d be proud of him. Lance squared his shoulders and made the bravest move for the day.

The doors opened automatically and Lance swallowed a gasp at what greeted him.

Keith was laying on the ground, features twisted into a painful scowl as the training bot had its metal arm just centimeters away from his face. Lance watched in astonishment how Keith managed to hold it and his biceps flexed as he tried not to have his head smashed. His black hair was plastered around him in full contrast with the white floor. Even from here Lance could see the shiny sweat on his face and how it made his bangs stick to his forehead.

Before the brunette could even call out a command to stop the simulation, in an impossible movement, Keith managed to sweep the bot’s legs with his own which fell next to him. His right leg made a full circle motion and like the badass he was, puts his palms next to his ears and jumped to his feet like he was in some action movie. The bot got up just as quickly and swung his staff towards Keith who ducked just on time. Lance took a cautious step towards his teammate, when he took in notice that there was no weapon in Keith’s hand.

He looked around the room, searching for the familiar red bayard. Meanwhile the fight between Keith and the bot was getting more violent and aggressive. His hair looked like it had been into a neat ponytail, but now it was hanging low, locks disheveled. He had a strange urge to go there and card his fingers through it to make it neat again; to make sure it was soft as it looked.

The training bot crouched down and in a perfect circle movement, tried to sweep Keith off his feet this time, but the black haired was quick and jumped. Instantly, in a blur of all black, the Red Paladin extended a leg and kicked furiously at the chest plate of the bot.

Impressed at how hard Keith kicked it, Lance’s eyes widened when the machine flew away and hit the wall behind it. The brunette was only looking at the android; couldn’t take his eyes off it, who was just about to stand up, when all of a sudden something silver flashed in front of his eyes and Keith’s blade plunged right into the bot’s head.

A perfect score.

Lance blinked and turned around at Keith, whose chest frantically went up and down. He was breathing heavily and for a moment Lance thought he’d black out, but Keith quickly composed himself and finally locked eyes with him.

There was only silence between them and yet, Lance didn’t feel like he had to fill it. It was only him staring at Keith’s eyes which looked strangely mesmerizing under all the white lights in the room.

 _“Level number thirteen has been successfully completed. Proceed level fourteen?”_ The computer voice called out and Keith snapped his head towards it. Lance’s jaw almost dropped in surprise, when he heard that Keith had completed so many simulations, when only yesterday he was having troubles with level eight. Lance himself barely passed level seven two days ago.

“End simulation!” Lance yelled, before Keith could even respond. Surprisingly there wasn’t a reaction from the black haired whose breathing was too loud in the dead air, except for the very lowered buzz the Castle provided from all the technology in it.

Keith reached behind and took off the small hair tie that failed to keep his hair neat. Ebony locks, black like a midnight sky, fell down on his pale neck and then he abruptly made his way towards the bot. To get his blade, Lance assumed. Wordlessly he watched how Keith passed in front of him in quick steps, the air smelling of sweat, but also of laundry. He crouched down, gripping the handle of the blade and yanked it away with stable force away from the bot. The ground under it opened and swallowed down the destroyed machine.

“Hey-“ Lance began, but got cut off, when Keith turned around and mustered a glare, that wasn’t as effective compared to when he was more awake.

“You shouldn’t,” another inhale and Keith grimaced, “you shouldn’t have stopped the simulation.”

Lance pulled his hands out of his pockets and crossed them in front of his chest.

“I’m sorry if I’m concerned about your well-being, Mullet,” said Lance and frowned when Keith answered with a tired scoff and a roll of his eyes. He did that too much and he was afraid they’d get stuck there someday forever. Which would be a bummer, because he did have nice eyes, the fucker.

“ _You?_ Concerned about _me?_ ” Keith put the blade back into its sheath, on his belt around his waist. “It’s too late and I’m too tired for another of one of your jokes, Lance.”

Lance would never admit how much this comment stung, but something little broke a bit inside him at the thought of Keith thinking Lance didn’t care about him. Yes, he was annoying, too perfect, grumpy and boring for his taste, but they were teammates and formed Voltron for God’s sake! Of course he cared – this wasn’t quantum physics!

“Key word – too late,” Lance decided to ignore the first statement, “what are you doing? Training like the maniac you are, when you know Shiro would scold for it.”

He raised a brow at Keith, daring him to disagree or fight. The boy only gave him a once over with a neutral expression and for some seconds his eyes stayed too long on his hair. Lance repressed the urge to shrink back.

“My relationship with Shiro is none of your business. And if I wanna train past due – that’s also none of your business. Also, you’re up too so I don’t understand why you’re acting like a mother hen all of a sudden,” stated Keith and raised a brow of his own in response.

“It _is_ my business, because if _you_ haven’t noticed we’re teammates,” Lance spluttered and gestured between them. “If you are too tired to fight it means the team is put into jeopardy.”

He hoped it sound as convincing as he made it out to be. Keith and the others would never let him live it down, if they found out he actually cared about the grumpy older teenager.

There was a pregnant pause lingering and Lance let himself look at Keith. He was in his usual black t-shirt and black skinny jeans. His stupid leather jacket was missing, but the same couldn’t be said for his gloves. The fanny pack was also gone, but the sheath for his blade was there, hanging low on his hip. Lance didn’t know much about it, only that it must’ve belonged to a parent of his. He didn’t know many parents that would pass down a _fucking knife_ to a small child, but hey, he wasn’t judging if it was the only left thing for Keith to have from his parents. Lance was also (more than he’d like to admit) curious on why the black haired had a bandage wrapped around it. Who would do that? Was he hiding something?

But those were just _questions._ Questions that he’d never dare to ask.

“Why are you awake anyways?” Keith asked and Lance tried not to wince, when the memory of the nightmare invaded his mind again.

“None of your business.”

He grinned instead in satisfaction at the way Keith’s nostrils flared in annoyance at the way Lance fired back the way same Keith gave it in the beginning. That’s why he liked their dynamic so much. Keith was the only one who could keep up with him. All the insults and remarks; the teasing. Everything somehow fit them so well and Lance couldn’t help, but crave more of it.

“Look,” Lance sighed tiredly and dropped his hands, “how about we go to the kitchen together? I was gonna go and have a glass of water.”

Keith’s eyes jumped from Lance to the doors and his jaw twitched as he was mulling over the proposal. And just after some very long seconds, when Lance thought he’d be ignored, Keith sighed in defeat and started walking towards the exit. Lance pumped a fist in victory behind his back and followed the black haired.

Together they made their way towards the place they occasionally ate together and went through the plans for the day. Unless they got attacked before they even started, but well, there were always going to be exceptions. Obviously they were both silent and none of them dared to make a sound, but strangely he didn’t mind. Lance was used to be the one filling awkward silences, but he’s discovered that Keith was one of those people that didn’t care and let you be yourself in whatever mood you were.

They arrived at the destination and everything was completely dark, but still visible due to the stars illuminating some light into the room. During the day there was a white wall up, but now it looked like a huge window as if you were at the observation deck. Lance immediately headed towards the sink, grabbing a small thick cup and used a rubber pipe filling it with blue liquid. It was not exactly the same as the water back on Earth, but it was the closest thing they had so he didn’t mind.

The coldness calmed him down and Lance groaned in pleasure at how it travelled down his dry throat. He stole a secret glance towards Keith who still had his arms crossed. He was watching the stars with a tilted head and even from here Lance noticed the wrinkled forehead.

“Do you have dreams?” Suddenly Keith asked, almost muttering but Lance heard him perfectly. “Like, do you have dreams of stuff that have never happened to you before? Random images I mean.”

He didn’t even turn around to look him in the eyes. Lance almost choked on his water. It’s like Keith knew about the nightmare he had and was teasing him for it on purpose. He drank the last drop and started washing the cup.

“Like you’re watching a movie?”

“Yeah!” Keith answered enthusiastically and snapped his head. It made him look like an excited puppy and Lance’s stomach twisted.

He thought it over for a moment. Did he ever have a dream where it was like a movie? Weren’t all dreams supposed to be like this? As if you were watching something in front of you and you couldn’t do anything about, because you didn’t realize that it wasn’t real?

“I mean … I guess? I’ve never thought about it this way before,” Lance answered hesitantly and put the washed cup on its place again. He knew he could’ve put it in the washing machine, but there was something familiar and comforting about doing something you’ve hated doing all your life and now it was one of the few things that reminded him of his home.

“Oh _uh_ \- never mind I guess. This sounded a bit stupid anyways,” said Keith and Lance watched the way he awkwardly averted his gaze away from Lance so he could look back at the stars again. It bathed half of his pale face in a silver-white glow and for a split moment Lance thought of how he strongly resembled the moon.

Beautiful and reachable only for some, but there was still a dark side that many would never see.

 _‘There’s always more to you than you let on, isn’t it?’_ Lance almost asked, but kept his tongue behind his teeth.

“Did you have a weird dream or something?” Questioned Lance and thought how easy and carefree this conversation was. It was so contradicting to their usual ones.

“You could say so,” Keith mumbled.

Lance placed his hands in his pockets again and stepped towards Keith. He stared far too long for the acceptable time at Keith’s face who probably ignored him in order not to make things uncomfortable. At the end Lance also turned around to the starry painting the cosmos was providing him with.

For so long he’d wanted to conquer the stars, all the galaxies and the planets – they were the reasons he wanted that fighter pilot position. And now, where it was all laid in front of his eyes on the daily, the magic of all of it faded away with every passing day.

Now he craved for blue skies, white clouds, green grass and oceans. Ironically it seemed that Earth was the unreachable this time.

“Did you know that there was a library in here?” Lance blurted unexpectedly and idly scraped his foot on the floor.

“Wait, for real?” This time Keith turned his body fully towards him and Lance got taken aback at the sheer happiness in his voice.

“Yeah, Coran showed it to me yesterday, but I couldn’t see anything,” he started unsure as he looked on his left and brought a hand to scratch the back of his neck, “do you … want to check it out?”

Keith nodded joyfully and his dark gray eyes gleamed in the darkness. Lance gulped down nervously, when his heart started beating a bit faster and he wondered if Keith could hear it. It was probably because he didn’t sleep. Lack of sleep had its bitchy side effects, right?

“Let’s go then,” Lance shrugged and tried to act nonchalantly.

He didn’t understand why he even tried to act like this, but this soft bubble they’ve just created was so fragile and soft that he was afraid he’d ruin it if he said something completely stupid. Which he usually did, but it was different now when it was just he, Keith and the night around them.

They walked at the elevator, in the corridor side by side and since Keith didn’t know the direction he wordlessly follows Lance. They got inside in the elevator that was too bright and the brunette was quick to press the button for the upper level, when Keith huffed.

“I hope we don’t get stuck again.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Be thankful that I’ve watched _‘Emperor’s new Groove’_. Otherwise we would have fallen into our deaths and Allura’s headaches would’ve gotten worse if she tried searching for new Paladins.”

The white doors closed and Lance barely felt it, when they went one level higher.

“You’re so dramatic,” Keith scoffed, “and I don’t get more than half of the media references you’re always making.”

“Sounds to me like you didn’t try enough to search for old movies,” Lance said. The elevator doors pried open, revealing a new dark hallway they got to walk through if they wanted to reach the library. “I’m sure if we get back to Earth everyone would be down to watch some. Hunk adores Moana.”

They exited and started walking, when Lance nodded with his head at the left corridor.

“I’ve always preferred books anyways,” Keith commented.

“Wow, the famous drop out likes to read? Who would’ve thought?”

The insult came out of his mouth before he could stop it and Lance truly wished to slap himself. He was finally making a proper conversation with the teammate he was having most troubles connecting with – and he was here, ruining already before it even started. The _‘I’m sorry’_ was already on the tip of his tongue, when Keith answered with a humorless laugh.

“You don’t even know the reason I got kicked out, asshole.”

He didn’t sound angry nor offended so Lance allowed himself another teasing comment. “I’m sure it was something scandalous. Trust me, I’ve heard wild theories so there isn’t a chance you’ll surprise me Kang.”

This time Keith truly laughed, a bit too quietly, and _god_ , it was such a pretty sound that made Lance tingle all over when he realized how badly he wanted to hear it again.

“Oh yeah? Try me,” Keith challenged and Lance began wracking his brain, trying to remember the craziest hypotheses his classmates have made or have heard from an unreliable source.

“Okay hmm let’s see,” he tapped a finger on his chin in a cartoonish way, earning him another laugh from Keith. “You’ve punched Iverson in the face?”

“Nope,” said Keith and smirked when he saw the surprise on Lance’s face. “I’ve been really close to doing it though.”

“Who hasn’t? I’m still shocked how no one has done it yet,” Lance replied, but trailed off a little as he tried to remember the Altean letter that meant the library was inside. “Uhh- stealing Garrison property?”

He looked on his right, trying to take the most out of Keith’s reaction who had his eyes narrowed at the nothing in front of them like he was reminiscing too hard. Then he brought up a finger and started waving it at Lance’s direction. “I actually stole Shiro’s hover-bike when I first met him. And then a car, during my third year. That was my second warning.”

“What was the first?” Lance asked maybe too excitedly than he had to, but he couldn’t help it. This was a part of Keith that no one has ever heard or known. He was sharing a piece of himself with Lance and the brunette knew how much of an important moment that was.

“Remember that boy – James Griffin? We got into a fight in the first year and they warned me back then that if I don’t fix my disciplinary issues I should kiss my place in the Garrison goodbye.”

There was a moment in which Lance tried to bring a picture of a face matching that name. First year he actually shared a class with Keith, but man, that name sounded awfully familiar.

James Griffin. Perhaps he was one of the fighter pilots that immediately passed the test at the end of the year and didn’t stick with the rest like he and Hunk. But then, all of a sudden a pale face, a brown side bang and cold pale inky eyes swam to the surface of his mind and a bulb lighted up. Then, memories of young fourteen year old Keith lunging towards James out of nowhere flashed in front of his eyes.

“Oh yeah! He’s still an asshole I think,” Lance said and looked on his left, but inwardly shook his head when that letter wasn’t the one he’s looking for. “They’re graduating this year probably. He should be assigned to a team for his training program.”

“Great,” Keith deadpanned, “so when we come back I gotta look at that scumbag in the face and pretend he didn’t act like a snobby garbage clown to me, because of his jealousy.”

Lance reeled back at the small creativity on Keith’s part about insults. Garbage clown? _What?_

“Well … I’m not sure if his jealousy will be over when he learns you pilot a gigantic, mechanical Lion with fire powers with which you have a psychic bond with and is also a part of the strongest weapon in the universe,” said Lance with obvious positivism as he tried to lift the mood.

Keith raised his thick eyebrows and gave Lance a tiny, grateful smile. Lance’s head swirled at it, but then he quickly turned away and it was like it never happened.

“Are you sure we’re in the right direction?”

“One hundred percent! Don’t lose faith in Lancey-Lance! I’m basically Dora’s map at this point,” he cackled at himself at the joke he made, but when it was met with confused eyes, a raised brow and a small pout – he sighed disappointedly.

“Another reference I didn’t get?” Keith asked and Lance noticed the way he bit his lip like he was frustrated with himself.

“Yeah, but don’t worry,” Lance waved a carefree hand, trying to low key comfort the Red Paladin, “as I said, when we get back we’ll watch everything.”

“Okay,” Keith agreed in a small voice and he almost melted on the spot at the adorableness. A tired Keith was a cute Keith.

Suddenly Lance finally saw the swirling letter with two dots on both of its sides, which if he was not wrong, meant that this was the first letter for the word library in Altean. He grabbed Keith’s shoulder so he could stop him from going too far and he pulled it back to him. The black haired stumbled like a baby deer and glanced at the big doors – taller than a full blood Galra.

“How do we get in?” Keith whispered and Lance wondered why he did it when there was no one around, but it made sense too in a way Lance couldn’t explain. There was something intimate in what they were doing. Yes, everyone who lived in the Castle could find this place; yes this had been build a thousand years ago by Altean engineers, mechanics and builders, but strangely it happened to be just him and Keith tonight. It perhaps might not be a coincidence, but even if it was – somehow it still felt way more special than it actually was.

“Coran only put his hand on the door? What if it’s like the Galra tech and only Alteans can have access? Or maybe everyone who lives here?” Lance conspired and unconsciously started whispering too, when he and Keith bent their heads closer to each other.

 _To probably look better at the lock on the door_ , Lance tried to convince himself as he tried to not to revel in Keith’s smell and closeness to him.

“Okay then – do it,” Keith concluded and leant back, crossing his arms.

“What?!” Lance exclaimed and looked at Keith like he was having a second head. “Why _me_?”

“Why _not_ you?” Keith fired back and squinted suspiciously at Lance’s outburst.

Lance gestured with flapping hands at the doors. “ _Because_ \- what if it’s some trap and I get killed, huh? You see how murder-y the Alteans are despite that diplomatic bullshit they’re selling! What if it’s like some Indiana Jones movie and a knife fucking falls on me or something?! You’re so the one telling my mother if I die, because it’s totally on you if that shit happens!”

He lifted an accusing finger at his teammate, but Keith didn’t look threatened or scared in any way. He slapped Lance’s finger away from his face and rolled his eyes. Then surprisingly brought a hand to his sheath and unleashed his blade in a swift, practiced motion as he headed towards the doors.

Lance squeaked and rushed to stop the determined fiery Paladin who apparently thought using a weapon would open a door made by advanced aliens from ten centuries ago.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Lance yelled and grabbed Keith by the shoulders, pushing him away from the door. “You don’t just depart the doors with your blade! That only happens in the movies!”

Keith threw his hands in exasperation and growled. “You literally compared the possibility of a trap with a trope from a fucking movie, Lance. They’re either useful and real or useless and fictional! Make it make sense!”

 _That_ made Lance stop.

He opened his mouth. Closed it again.

Did it one more time.

“Okay, you got me here,” said Lance and sighed. “Just … put that thing away. Let’s think of another plan.”

Keith gave him a skeptical look, but obeyed nevertheless and put his blade back into its place. They stood there in silence for a minute, both looking for any clues or parts that give away that there was a way to get into that stupid library without touching the door. But even after two pointless minutes they still had nothing. Then Keith spoke up.

“Look Lance, I appreciate the mini adventure or whatever, but it’s getting pretty late and-,” Lance looked behind him and saw Keith biting his lip nervously as he fiddled with his gloves. The only glow that allowed the Blue Paladin to see his teammate was the white Altean letter, shining softly on its place in the middle of the doors. “Maybe we should just ask Coran or Allura to open it up for us tomorrow.”

Lance’s first desire was to convince Keith to stay; to tease him into it; to insult and get a reaction out of him, but what stopped him was when he stupidly realized how tired Keith looked. Yes, it was obvious that he wasn’t going to be the most energetic at 3-4 AM, but Lance’s gaze travelled from his visible eye bags and eyebrows, furrowed together like he was having a slight annoying headache.

But something nudged inside him. Keith wanted to see that library. He didn’t wanna let go of Keith so soon, when they had a good time for the first time in so long. Lance selfishly wanted to savor this as much as he could.

So he blurted the first thing that came to him. “What if we touch it together?”

Keith’s head snapped up at him, eyes big and full of shock and surprise. “Aren’t you afraid of your said “trap”?”

The relief Lance felt however, when Keith didn’t dismiss him and padded towards him was infinite and he tried not to show off how his giddiness.

“I still am, but I’d rather not do it alone if I’m right,” Lance said and looked back at the doors.

Keith chuckled and butted Lance on the shoulder teasingly. It was a small, meaningless touch, but Lance’s right shoulder still stung with soft sparks.

“Let’s do it then,” said Keith with obvious determination, but quickly faded when he realized they didn’t know what to do now.

Did they hold hands while they pressed to the letter? Did they do it separately? Was it some kind of right order to do this? Coran entered alone so Lance didn’t catch much of a glimpse of the library. He was busy trying not to let the boxes he was holding fall. The older Altean simply pressed his hand on the glowing letter and after seconds the doors just departed like all the other ones in the Castle.

“Um so do we just … touch it?” Lance asked and looked helplessly on his right, at Keith who had tilted his head. Lance gazed down at his hands who flexed against his thigh.

The silence stretched between them again, but this time it didn’t last for long when out of the blue Keith grabbed his hand, fingers weaving through his. Lance’s heartbeat all of a sudden increased and he felt the way his cheeks and ears flushing. Something erupted in his chest and Lance wanted to grab onto his cross. This was some black magic and Lance wasn’t here for it.

Lance glanced at the black haired whose face was casual, but Lance could swear he saw a flush on his cheeks and nose as well. Great, he was not the only embarrassed here, that was good to know.

Keith brought their hands towards the letter and Lance held his breath in anticipation. He squeezed his eyes together on reflex when his and Keith’s fingertips touched the cold surface of letter engraved on the doors.

For a moment there was nothing. Just their quiet breathing and the feeling of leather against his warm skin.

But then, just behind his lids, he saw something getting lighter and when he heard Keith gasping, Lance’s eyes flew open on the second. The brunette sucked in a breath when he saw his teammate’s hands.

Red glow was enveloping Keith’s hand, shining around it like the rays of the sun from when it disappears in the horizon. It was a shade lighter than the Red Lion and Keith’s suit, but it was no less beautiful. Keith must have scared for a second, because he began to pull away, but Lance didn’t let him and clutched their hands stronger than before.

And that’s when Lance’s own hand was the one that began glowing.

They both exhaled in awe at the sight of the shining glow coming out of where Lance’s own hand was pressing the letter. Blue was pooling out of him; dark blue like the depth of the ocean; blue darker than his Lion. Whereas Keith’s red was lighter, Lance’s blue was darker. It was fascinating to watch, the way it swirled around his wrist and continued up to his forearm, twisting like a snake.

 _Like water_ , Lance couldn’t help but compare.

Lance threw a disbelieving look to Keith, and his flush got a bit worse when he already found Keith’s eyes on him. His gaze was hard, but soft at the same time and Lance felt when his fingers rearranged and they pressed with Lance’s more.

The Blue Paladin tried to keep his composure, but he could feel it going away with every passing second in which Keith didn’t take his eyes off him. The black haired blinked, long eyelashes fanning like wings and something in his stomach churned. Keith was objectively beautiful, Lance has always known that fact, but now here – where his face was bathed in a magical glow it was like he was _ethereal_.

Like a star Lance has captured in his hands and the shine would kill him if he kept looking at him any longer. Yet he didn’t care.

Fortunately (or not), abruptly Lance felt a spark.

But this one was _painful_ , like a needle pressing down on his palm. It reminded him too much of his nightmare; of the physical pain he endured; the illusionistic stabbing his knees and hands received. Lance jerked his head to the doors again and just when he caught a peek of a _breathtaking purple_ from when their glows connected, an electrifying shock travelled through his whole body and this time Lance couldn’t help, but furiously stumble away in pain along with Keith who must’ve felt the same, dropping their intertwined hands in the process.

“Ouch _motherf_ \- that hurt like a bitch,” muttered angrily Keith and when Lance side eyed him he saw the black haired cradling his left hand against his chest.

Lance couldn’t help, but agree. The aftershock was still present and his hand felt numb from the pain. Pidge had shocked him before with her Bayard and he had felt current before from when he had not been careful with the plug, but nothing was compared to the pain he felt now.

He checked on his hand and was surprised to find some blue glow still on his hand that was quickly fading away like neon paint. Lance wished he had a camera so he could take a picture. This was just too beautiful to not capture, even if the pain was horrible.

Before they could discuss what just happened, there was a soft sound in front of them and Lance saw with the corner of his eyes when Keith flicked his head. And fascinatingly, ahead of them the letter that was white dimmed, came to life and did it again – like a pulsing heart. Then the pair watched completely baffled when the doors departed with a swishing sound and the room inside lit up automatically.

Keith was the first one who stepped first. He took one, then two hesitant steps, but when nothing happened the Red Paladin looked back at Lance with raised brows. He then turned back and slowly, but surely entered the library. Lance, not wanting to be left behind immediately followed.

The first thought that came into his mind, when he entered was : _big_.

This library was not little by any means, in fact, it was big enough to fit two main decks in here for sure. The huge walls that were on their left and right were just vast windows, like the ones in the observation deck. In front of them however was a shelf as broad as a stadium. Okay, _not_ that enormous, but it certainly covered the seemingly wall that it was attached to. All kind of books, covers with all different colors were stocked next to each other along with another shelf, full of devices like tablets, pads, laptops, stuff Pidge would love to get her hands on.

The air strangely smelled of the Altean equivalent of disinfectant and everything was polished and freshly cleaned as if that library hadn’t been non visited for thousands years, but just now was opened. Keith’s black clothing and hair contrasted greatly with the white room like ink on a white paper. There were round tables with chairs all around the room so when Lance looked behind him he was dumbfounded to find a huge black screen as big as the shelf plastered on the wall above the door.

“This place is amazing,” said Keith, awe in his tone. Lance eyed Keith who already had made his way towards the big shelf. Lance immediately hurried over to him, wanting to check out a book for himself too.

Keith’s gloved hand hovered over one book which cover was a pastel blue with swirling flower drawings on it. They looked a lot like juniberries and were moving on the book like the wind was blowing them. The title was in Altean sadly, but just like on a phone it disappeared and appeared from one side to the other. Lance pondered why Keith was so uncertain about getting it, so at the end he was the one who reached out and took it in his hands.

“Hey-“ Keith started protesting, but halted when Lance brought a warning finger in front of his face.

He tried translating it for him as he tried to remember how Altean letters worked. After one sweat worth minute of attempting to read the first word in which Keith went ahead and looked through more books, leaving him behind like the asshole he was.

“Okay Mr. Grumpy Pants I’m pretty sure I got the first word,” said Lance and peeked at Keith who hummed and turned to him. His arms were full of books.

Lance gaped.

“Wh- Why- How?!”

There was no way Keith could read all of this if he didn’t know Altean. Which he obviously didn’t.

Keith shrugged. “Remember when last month we visited that planet with the tiny aliens? And you and Hunk were pranking them the whole time?”

Memories of planet Evlovya appeared in his brain and Lance stiffened a laugh when he recalled the fun he and Hunk had as they were there. The aliens there weren’t particularly intelligent and it was comedic when Hunk pretended they were invisible and the Evlovyans were in slight panic at that.

Lance nodded with a grin. Keith put the books on one of the tables and reached deep into the pocket of his jeans. Lance walked closer to him, book in hand, when Keith pulled out a small white disc with Pidge’s logo on it. “Since most of us don’t speak Altean, Pidge managed to make a sort of translator. So basically all you have to do is to just-“

The Red Paladin explained as he pressed the disc on the cover of the book, which was in a honey yellow color and drawn black silhouettes of seemingly an Altean couple danced across it. The disc glitched with a small sound and Pidge’s head turned around a few times which probably meant it was loading.

“Allura helped too. Honestly I was there for inspecting because everything was too complicated,” said Keith with a huff.

Another squeaky sound followed and Lance’s eyes widened when from Altean letters it turned to English ones. And what at first were swirling marks that Lance would need hours to even _try_ to translate, was now the title _‘The Shadosw of Ourrr Souls’_.

“ _Shadosw_?” Lance asked, trying to pronounce the incorrectly written word. He then clicked his tongue. “Listen man, my first language isn’t English, but I’m ninety nine percent sure this isn’t written like that.”

He snickered when Keith jabbed him on the chest, surely sensing the obvious mockery and sarcasm. “Shut up, I know it’s not perfect. It needs more upgrades, but it’s better than nothing.”

Keith grabbed the book and turned it around to read the synopsis, but the pair was surprised to find the back of the book completely blank, save for the shadows of the two Alteans still dancing. Keith then went for opening the book, skimming over the pages that were already in English. “Don’t Alteans have a summary for what’s the book about?”

“Wait,” said Lance and took it from Keith’s hand who let it happen without protesting.

Lance stopped at a random page and found out that Alteans used swirling marks instead of quotation ones or dashes for when a character is speaking. Lance started reading aloud trying to do it around the grammar and letter mistakes.

“ _His fingers are skimming through her brown skin and Merrian wonders how can someone be so mesmerizing as her. She is standing there, like a sun in the abyss, like she is the light that guides him through and Merrian’s soul aches when he remembers she is meant to be in the arms of another. In the arms of his sister-_ OH MY GOD this is Altean romance, I can’t _believe_ -“

Lance started laughing hysterically as he snorted like this was the funniest shit he has ever read. Of course, he’d read worse back on Earth, but it was strange to get exposed to it as he thought of the Alteans, of these stuffy and uptight aliens, who only cared about diplomacy and technology – writing, reading and enjoying something like that. Perhaps he knew too little about their culture as he assumed he did.

He went through more pages, some more romantic than others. He even stumbled onto even spicier ones that got him laughing even harder. However, too late he realized that Keith hadn’t said anything the whole time so with tears of laughter Lance turned to his teammate, expecting an amused grin.

What he saw instead was Keith blushing, hands on his hips as he tried to look into the book more, a curious pout on his lips. Lance’s laughter immediately started dying out, going to chuckles and finally to a huff. Keith sensed his eyes on him and looked up at Lance, blinking cluelessly at him. Lance’s heart leaped in his chest when he noticed that under the lights, Keith’s eyes seemed purple, like dark sparkling amethysts. Lance looked away, heart in his throat.

“This sounds good,” said Keith and Lance was too busy formulating words at what Keith had just said to even register him taking the book back into his hands.

“What?” Lance confusedly exclaimed. “You like romance?!”

He was definitely not judging, after all who was he to criticize someone for something they liked? But it seemed so, _so_ strange for someone like Keith, who looked so cold and distant when it came to matters of the heart or to the matters of all kinds of loves. He didn’t make attempts to be friends with everyone except for Shiro. Lance had seen him and Allura talking sometimes, seen him hanging out with Pidge, but it seemed Lance and Hunk were a forbidden territory for the black haired. Of course, no one could ever hate Hunk or try to ignore him, but Shiro was the only one in the Castle for whom Keith cared about the most. They must have deeper backstory than they both let out, but no one in the team dared to ask.

So Lance was having a hard time piecing Keith and him liking anything close to romance, love, flirting and all the other things Lance also loved. Keith being annoyed every time Lance flirted was even a bigger clue to the fact he didn’t fancy courtship or anything of the sort.

“Is there something wrong with it?” Asked Keith sternly, his voice edging towards defensive. He immediately crossed his arms and Lance had noticed he did that a lot. Sometimes to be grumpy or his emo-self, but Lance thought it was deeper than that. It was as if Keith comforted himself. Like he was hugging himself; protecting his body or heart of something that threatened to hurt him. His heart broke at the idea.

“Nah dude,” denied Lance as he put his palms up in defense and idly realized he still had a book in his hand, “’m just curious that’s all. You don’t seem the type to like that genre.” He then pulled off a bittersweet smile. “Maybe I should stop assuming things about you, huh?”

Keith’s glare softened with every word and at the end he simply sized Lance up, sighed and took the disc off the ‘The Shadows of Our Souls’ returning the device back into his pocket. He gathered all the books into one pile and even from the small distance and the black hair that played as a curtain, Lance could see the sadness in his eyes.

“At least I’ll get to experience it from the books since I’ll never get the chance to have that in my life, you know?” He threw Lance a wistful smile and something in him ached.

“Don’t say that,” said Lance, barely thinking about his response, but he wasn’t going to stand there without attempting to make Keith think differently. Keith’s brows went up in surprise, disappearing behind his bangs.

“Listen Lance, I know you’re not a complete asshole and you’re gonna say something nice but-“

“Of course I’m gonna say something nice!” Yelled Lance and threw his hands up.

Didn’t Keith know how perfect he basically was? He was the best pilot in Lance’s generation, an amazing fighter, the definition of gorgeous and sexy, the wet dream of basically anyone _ever_ and he thought he’d never find someone? Ever? Was that guy high on space drugs or something?!

“Lance,” Keith began, but got interrupted when Lance suddenly threw the blue book he was holding and marched over to his teammate. A blink of confidence washed over him and he grabbed Keith’s big baby cheeks and squashed them together.

Keith’s eyes widened but he thankfully didn’t look uncomfortable with Lance’s touch.

“Listen here, Mullet, I know you seem closed off and have issues you don’t want or feel comfortable to talk about, but …” Lance sighed and tilted his head, trying to look at Keith better, “but don’t say those things about yourself when I see how amazing you are. When I know everyone sees how amazing you are. You will definitely find someone who will love you for who you are.”

Then he gave a sad smile and loosened his forceful touch on his cheeks, “I know I will if you give us a chance.”

There was a beat of a moment in which they stared at each other, but instantly Lance realized how did _that_ exactly sound and he quickly dropped his hands away from Keith’s soft skin, stumbling away like he was burned. Keith was a bit flushed, but didn’t look away from Lance even he stuttered over his words.

“Uh- _I-I mean_ , I mean, I _d-didn’t mean it like t-that_ , I meant us as in the _team_ , y’know?” He threw a helpless look at Keith, whom nodded in understanding – a small gentle smile on his lips.

At the end they had to leave, for the library was too big to be explored in so little time. Keith grabbed his pile of wanted books in his arms and they both made their away towards the exit.

Some part of Lance was curious if they had to repeat the arm touch ritual, but this time the doors sensed their approach and opened without any need of the voodoo doodoo they had to do in the beginning. Then they closed with a quiet _woosh_ sound. In contradiction, this time they were both quiet. They passed the hallways silently, were silent in the elevator and so on until they reached Keith’s room.

Awkwardly Lance remembered that this resembled to a date a lot. He brought Keith to a place he liked and now he left him at his door. The only left thing was a kiss.

This quickly sobered him up and he physically shook his head in resentment. He should stop thinking about Keith like this. A crush during a _war_ will bring only distraction and more pain. Yes, they’ve been getting closer these past weeks, but it seemed Lance needed to distance himself a bit. All these romantic thoughts about his teammate meshed into his head and Lance wouldn’t allow himself to take a step back from all the progress he’s made as a Paladin just for some pretty boy with gorgeous eyes. 

_‘Be the best soldier you can be’_ echoed in his head and he finally dared to look next to Keith who was struggling to put his hand to the pad due to all the books he was trying to hold. Without hesitation Lance seized those at the top that were the most trouble and gulped down his heart when Keith shot him a grateful smile. He did that a lot tonight, Lance noticed. The night didn’t start the best, but they managed to have fun, just the two of them, without any major fights or disagreements. Lance certainly hoped this continued during the day and not only when it was dark; when no one else could hear them talking.

The doors of Keith’s room opened and Lance couldn’t help, but glance at what’s inside.

The room was mostly bare. Keith’s significant leather jacket was left on his bed, which was perfectly made as if Keith hadn’t even gotten into it. The idiot probably didn’t even try to sleep. There was a pad left on the similar night stand Lance had. The only difference Keith’s space had with Lance’s was that everything was reversed. Whereas Lance’s bed was on the right and his bathroom and closet on the left – it was the opposite for Keith. Lance didn’t know why he thought so foolishly about how even their rooms rebutted one another, just like them.

Keith took the books from Lance’s arms and entered his room so he could put them all on the stand. His tablet was just about to fall when Keith remarkably grabbed a hold of it before it hit the ground. He tossed it unconcerned on his bed and Lance snorted quietly in mirth. Keith must’ve heard him and turned around. He rolled his eyes, but still walked towards Lance as he put his hands in his back pockets.

“So I guess this is a good night,” said Keith. “Though we do have to get up in a few hours anyways.”

Lance grinned and shrugged. “I doubt I’ll go sleep again if it’s only for some useless three hours.”

Keith rose an unimpressed eyebrow and brought a hand out of his pocket so he could gesture at Lance up and down. “Weren’t _you_ the one giving me lecture about being too tired and putting the team into … what was it,” he tapped his chain to act like he was thinking too hard, “ _putting the team into jeopardy?_ ”

Lance scoffed. “At least I slept for some before I saved your ass from the training bot. I still haven’t heard a thank you by the way.”

“Thank you, oh great Blue Paladin,” said Keith with obvious mockery, but didn’t also stop Lance from bowing theatrically with a waving hand.

“At your services Mullethead.”

They both laughed at Lance’s shenanigans and Lance strangely found himself already dreading the departure that was about to come in a few. He thought how he should be the one to end it all for today.

“Anyways I’ll be getting out of your mullet now and leave you with your Nicholas Sparks novels so good night,” Lance saluted with his original two finger salute and turned on his way to leave, when suddenly cold fingers wrapped around his wrist and stopped him in his tracks.

“Lance wait,” said Keith and when Lance turned around he was met with uncertain eyes.

“What?” Lance asked softer than he intended to, cursing his existence when his legs almost turned into goo at Keith’s touch on him. It never seemed to be enough for him. He wanted _more_ and _more_. Whether because he was getting touch starved in space or because Keith has never shown a desire to do so. It didn’t matter. Lance was getting high on it.

“I-I uhh-,” this time Keith was the one who couldn’t find the words, but everyone knew talking wasn’t the Red Paladin’s strongest suit, “I just wanted to say thank you. For tonight I mean. I know we usually don’t get along, but I had fun for the first time in years probably. Even if it wasn’t for long. And well …”

Keith scratched shyly behind his neck, foot kicking and scraping the floor languidly.

“Your words from earlier mean a lot to me. I’m no good at showing exactly how I feel, but I- … just so you know.. I appreciate it. More than I let on.”

Lance’s stomach turned over at how open and honest Keith was being. He wished he could pause and truly bask in the moment, in the raw beauty of it, alas Keith was quick to mutter a _‘good night, Lance’_ and close the doors, before he could answer.

He stupidly raised a hand. So he could do what? Knock? Bang? Demand Keith let him in so they could talk for a little bit more? Yeah right. He shouldn’t push Keith from so early in into their friendship. Maybe his teammate wasn’t ready for that anyways. So Lance only exhaled in fatigue, hand landing lightly on the door, trailing down.

He gathered himself rather quickly, strengthened up and entered his own room. His heart was still beating quicker than usual, his fingers slightly shaking in excitement. The rumpled sheets from one hour ago were glaring openly at him and Lance knew he promised himself to clean it all, but at the moment he couldn’t give less fucks. He flung himself at his bed, his body bouncing with the impact.

Lance couldn’t help himself and thought back to Keith again who was probably opening a new romantic book, perhaps secretly dreaming for someone to sweep him off his feet, gift him flowers, kiss him gently and pet his hair. These eyes of him would unquestionably get someone fall for him one day, Lance was sure of it.

He knew he was slowly becoming one of those people.

_‘I appreciate it. More than I let on.’_

Keith’s words sounded in his ears.

Purple eyes. Black hair. Cold pale hands with leather enveloping them.

With eyes slowly dropping, breathing evening out and gravity getting the best of his limbs, Lance groggily realized he was falling asleep. But still, even on the edge of unconsciousness, Lance still reminded himself to keep distance.

To protect his heart.

To not let Keith take advantage of whatever Lance was willing to put in his hands.

_‘He’s definitely going to make it hard to stay away, isn’t he?’_ was Lance’s last thought before sleep took him into its delicate hands.

…

When this time Lance opened his eyes, it wasn’t water that met them nor the darkness of his room.

Dusty air filled his lungs on the second and Lance immediately coughed, bringing his face into his elbow on reflex. After a while, when the coughing stopped Lance brought his face up to gaze so he can detect where he was at. Strangely, in contrast with his nightmare, this time he knew that he was having a dream.

A lucid dream, perhaps.

He carefully looked around himself.

There were aliens of all kinds in shredded and dirty clothes, talking or laughing. Some were scowling as they were reading something or simply watching their surroundings. But anywhere his eyes fell on wasn’t missing from stands – all types of objects on display. From weapons, food, mechanic and electronic gadgets to things Lance was seeing for the first time since he has come into space. And he had seen lots of weird shit.

Some were yelling out loud what were they selling, the prices and the sellouts, but some didn’t even bother and were silently working or cleaning on their respective stall.

The ground was some kind of sand mixed with stones and it brought amusement to him of how funnily it looked with his black socks with flowers on it. (A courting gift from a prince whom was heir to the throne of a planet they visited a month ago.) However he also realized he didn’t feel anything under his feet at all. No surface, no rocks. Nothing at all.

Just when he was about to kneel down and try to feel the ground, a drone or something of the sort was flying straight at him and it didn’t seem to slow down. Lance’s instincts kicked in and he quickly dropped to a squat. He looked behind him to make sure it wasn’t coming back, but then another buzzing sound was approaching, and this time as he strengthened his knees, he wasn’t fast enough to escape the second drone.

Which passed right through him.

Lance’s eyes widened at the realization and he froze on his spot. Did that just happen? Did someone else see this? The second drone must’ve been chasing the first one. Lance pressed a hand to his head as if he had to make sure it was still whole after that experience. He turned back to see two kids, one with a hood on and the other particularly naked compared to the others, laughing and chasing.

“No way! Did you see how fast it started? You are such a sore loser!” Exclaimed the hooded alien kid who kept running, but recklessly faced back his friend.

The naked alien laughed and made a gesture with their three fingers, that was probably inappropriate judging by the shocked gasps that filled the air. “Bite my tail Saile!”

They both increased their speed and this time Lance wasn’t surprised when they passed straight through his body, obviously not seeing him, his body tingling nevertheless. It must be a strange side effect of the dream, he assumed. No one could see him and he couldn’t touch anything. The kids went on their way and Lance decided to explore more.

The sky and the yellow sun were the same as they were on Earth and he felt a pang in his chest, but he didn’t let himself to think about it for longer. He was wondering how such a place he has never seen before suddenly started projecting into his head, in his dreams.

Curious, Lance started casually looking through all the merchandise. There were guns and rifles he took a liking to, but he knew if it were real life he’d never buy one since his bayard did all the work and didn’t need bullets or for it to reload. He also knew what a pain in the ass that was during the Garrison, because for all the ground simulation he was always the long range fighter in his assigned team. That’s why he didn’t completely suck when his bayard took the form of a blaster and he wasn’t having too much trouble with it.

There was a dagger with a shiny red blade that Lance just _knew_ would be something Keith would like, but with a shake of his head he instantly left the stand. Not to mention how nicely it was when none of the sellers could see him and didn’t bother with small talk or do the hawk eyes. He knew the awkwardness of it too well.

He was currently watching a stand full of flowers that fascinatingly changed colors, when the alien behind it was in a fiery conversation with the alien from another stand. The flower seller was grey with golden eyes, a big black inverted triangle, pointing between her red eyebrows that matched her striking red hair that was falling down to her feet. She had all kinds of glittering jewels adoring her hair and small black horns that were resembling an antelope ones.

“-and I told him not to buy from that old cranky charlatan and now look at him,” she waved a hand at nothing in particular. “Rashes and rashes all over his horns!”

She rolled his eyes and touched the triangle on her forehead, “Dear Goddess, save me from this man and his nonsense.”

The alien she was talking to must have been the same species since she also had a black triangle on her forehead and golden eyes. Her hair was much shorter, styled into a curly ponytail, but was also red as blood with black horns coming out of it. The only difference was her skin which was pastel blue, like a cloudless sky in Cuba. The many golden bracelets on her wrists jiggled when she also pressed a finger to her forehead.

“I told you not to get mess up with this _voront_ , Murula but you never listen,” she shook her head softly, but then a smile crept on her face. “Your mother was right when she said if you marry Dlogan you’d end up working for the family business.”

Lance smiled at the easy, gossip filled conversation they were having and briefly wondered what those triangles meant. He left Murula and her friend, slightly pitying the husband with the horn rashes.

There seemed to be, however, constant chattering anyways. As expected from a marketplace, the air was loud and filled with all kinds of noises. From voices in all different languages and accents, kids laughing and parents warning them to be careful and animals letting out their respective growls or barks. Lance always seemed to be unconsciously catching onto some random conversation whether he wanted or not. Most of the time it was nothing bizarre, completely ordinary even for aliens who seemed to have an exciting life on an exciting place.

Out of nowhere, as Lance was closely observing a neon yellow animal, resembling a monkey, something rushed past him in.

Lance whirled to see what was the cause and breathed in awe at the sight of two, seemingly women aliens, standing on some kind of hover boards. They were completely covered from head to toe in dark grey latex and had purple helmets on. There was something written on their backs with a strange symbol underneath and yes, this dream was getting weirder and weirder.

“Ugh, these troublemakers are here again,” grumbled the alien next to Lance whom was currently on their way to buy something that resembled food.

The seller took their money and clicked her tongue as she glanced judgementally at the women. “They come here as if Yunia is their playground.”

Lance looked back at the women and the shorter of the two made some military sign, Lance assumed, since her companion nodded and jumped off her board.

She was pretty tall, perhaps an inch shorter than Shiro and the way she moved resembled a lot to him too. With confidence and assurance. The muscles on her arms definitely rivaled his leader’s and her legs were possibly sculptured by some God. The shorter woman also jumped, but she acted strikingly different. She moved like a shadow, like she could take you out in any second and knew she’d win even if you underestimate her. Whereas her partner was bulky and muscled, she was easy on her feet as if the winds themselves carried her under. Her muscles were defined and her uniform certainly showed her chiseled body, but it was clear as a day that she didn’t completely rely only on her physical strength in combat.

They both pressed a button on their wrists and the boards turned into tiny metal squares, immediately attaching to their hips. Then the one reached up and took off her helmet.

The muscled one’s fur was very dark violet, with two black braids falling down on her sides, reaching to her stomach. She had a hard look on her face that clearly broadcasted _‘stay away and don’t dare to even look at me’_. Her ears were pointy, longer than the Altean ones and her eyes were huge with only yellow sclera visible in them. She frowned at whatever she saw in front of her and that was enough of a giveaway in Lance’s opinion. Not that he was expert, but this woman clearly didn’t wish to be here and her whole body language screamed of that. As much as the inhabitants of this planet didn’t want these two here – the same went for at least one of them too.

Then the shorter one looked like she had some trouble with taking off her helmet. She was trying to remove it and her arms flexed, but it didn’t seem to work since apparently something inside prevented her from doing it so. Suddenly she came to a stop and she must have realized something since she sighed tiredly and then only touched a button on the side of her neck and the helmet disappeared in a flash.

At first, the only thing that caught Lance’s complete attention were the _antlers_.

Fucking antlers, although way smaller than the one of an earthling deer, were swirling up towards the sky; majestic in a beautiful white. Her skin was a light lavender, with a slight dark hint to it and unlike her partner she was furless. Dark purple hair in a simple braid was falling on her back, but there were definitely some electric dark blue locks in there as well. One curly strand had even managed to escape and it fell down in one of her eyes, which were also with yellow sclera, but she also had pupils and irises, although Lance couldn’t say what color from the distance.

He knew one major thing though.

These aliens here undoubtedly were _Galra_.

The one with the antlers was probably a half-breed, but a Galra nevertheless. A buried reflex from all the fights and battles had Lance reaching up to his hip for his bayard, but stupidly realized that he was useless to help all these aliens around him. Not to mention the fact that no one could see him or touch him.

There was only one strange detail that irked Lance in the wrong way. There were hushed murmurs around for sure, but no one was shrieking in fear or running away from the Galra women. What was surprising – was how unaffected everyone was acting. Lance didn’t let himself be too confused, because after all this was some dream. It was ought to be weird and completely non ordinary.

He stepped cautiously towards the Galrans with the mission to eavesdrop the conversation. If they were about to have any anyways.

The shorter Galra female was looking around suspiciously and from this close Lance finally saw what colors her eyes were. Lance was perplexed to find out that both were different. Technically on Earth it would’ve been said she had heterochromia, but Lance didn’t know how it worked for her. It must be a thing for the Galra or for the other species she was from too. Her right one was dark green, the color of pine tree – and the other was crystal blue, like a clear mountain lake. It looked like the epitome of forest was living inside her.

Said eyes suddenly fell on something and they widened as she gasped like a child – a big huge smile breaking over her face. Lance low key flinched at the piercing fangs she had.

“Firana, look,” she tapped the bigger Galra’s shoulder multiple times, excitement pouring out of her.

And now Lance had a name for one of them – Firana.

Firana glared at the hand bothering her and slapped it away with distaste. “Don’t touch me. What is it?”

The shorter female flinched at the hit, but didn’t seem to notice the rudeness of her companion, or perhaps chose to ignore since her smile didn’t waver one bit. She pointed secretly at a stand, full of some things that moved and reminded Lance of slugs. He distantly remembered that he noticed the same product on other places too.

“They have red _nichamas_ – dear Stars I haven’t eaten one of those since I was a kid! Let’s buy some, _please_!”

She gave Firana a pleading look, gloved hands weaving together under her chin. Lance almost stumbled in surprise. This woman … was a _Galra_ , an obvious soldier judging by the two daggers strapped on her thighs and the board she came on, and she acted like some teenager on a walk with her mother.

Firana growled. “Auraline, this is not some _joke_. Can’t you act like an adult for at least once in your life? Master Zenga is currently wandering around with a quizacking _bomb_ and you’re going to ruin everything again with your attitude.”

Auraline seemed to deflate with every word spitting out of Firana’s mouth and something in Lance’s chest panged. He felt sympathy, as strange as that sounded, for the woman who was obviously pure at heart and just wanted to have fun in the awful circumstances they were in. Lance also knew too well, when people accused you of acting like a kid. The fire in her eyes died out completely and Auraline closed her eyes as she sighed. Then she opened them and nodded.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Firana. It won’t happen again.”

Firana grunted and touched some button on her belt. A high tech rifle materialized in her hands. It was obviously Galran, but something seemed off about it. This one was simpler than the usual ones he occasionally encountered. Firana nodded with her head on the right.

“You go east and search the perimeter. I’ll check the left sides near the fountains. If someone or something looks suspicious, you have full permission to disarm the target. Civilians are not a priority.”

She turned around stiffly like the perfect example of a soldier, but didn’t get too far when Auraline tried to object, “Wait!”

Firana stopped and looked over her shoulder, scowling. “What.”

“How come civilians are not a priority? Isn’t that the reason why we’re here? To protect them?”

Lance could see the genuine worry and hear real upset in her voice. He didn’t understand how some Galran soldier was so upset about the inhabitants of some planet that they probably colonized or were about to anyways. Weren’t they trained to destroy and take? What was going on? Did that Auraline girl know what the empire was doing?

Were her superiors manipulating her and other naïve half-breeds?

Firana looked more than annoyed. “You follow orders. You’re not in your place to ask questions, cadet.”

_Cadet._

With that word, Lance’s mind suddenly flood with memories of Iverson. His doubt in him, the constant insults, all the jabs and strikes in his confidence. All the reminders that he’d never be as good as Keith Kang no matter how hard he tried or studied. The humiliation when he was compared, used as an example of the definition of a bad pilot. An incompetent fighter and student who was only here, because Takashi Shirogane’s protégé flunked out.

The cargo pilot who only got lucky.

With that Firana went back on her way as Lance heard her feet grinding the ground, but his gaze stayed stuck on Auraline’s face. She looked sad, her eyebrows drawn together in concern and he noticed her hands twitching. He had some strange, weird urge to go ahead and hug her. With her height that was pretty average – or maybe really short by Galran standards – Auraline seemed so small and Lance felt a surge of protectiveness in him. To tell her he understood her. He knew the pain.

Auraline then grumbled in dissatisfaction and turned her back on Firana, already searching for the Master with the bomb. Lance knew that he could leave her like that. He could go on his way and explore this planet’s more exciting places, but … something kept drawing him towards Auraline. As if someone had kept nudging his back, whispering softly in his ear, _‘Go. Follow and see.’_

“Stupid Firana for being such a sour bitch, stupid Zenga for pairing me with the most terrible partner ever,” Auraline muttered to herself as she crossed her arms. “Stupid me for signing up in the military.”

Military, huh? So it seemed she was a soldier, but in training. Maybe that’s why her uniform was different from all the others Lance had seen before. He wasn’t even aware that Zarkon, Sendak or whoever was the military head trained them, before they let them on the battlefield. Lance mildly thought that they recruited all Galra, no matter if they were half-breeds or not, leaving them at the mercy of Voltron and the empire’s enemies.

Auraline all of a sudden halted, cutting Lance out of his thoughts. Her small, very barely pointed ears jerked and Lance immediately glanced around them. There didn’t seem to be anything that was causing trouble in Lance’s eyes. Aliens kept doing whatever they were doing – laughing, selling, talking, whispering, hell … some were even kissing passionately in the shadows. Auraline, however, was from a race that was known for their extended hearing. If everything was real he’d probably trust her with whatever she said and did. She seemed like a reliable person … _er_ alien, no matter if she was just some fragment of his imagination.

He arched an eyebrow at her stillness, but before Lance could even move, in a blur of purple and grey suddenly a spear with a very pointed, polished black blade appeared in her hands. He didn’t have time to react, when with a perfect strength and motion, Auraline twirled on her left and threw her spare.

Her perceiving and instincts must have been crazy, because when Lance followed her sight he saw how just on time a hooded figure, in all black, was on their way stealing from a stand which was rich of all kind of glowing crystals. The seller was asleep, his chin resting on his chest, but the moment the spear plunged itself into the long sleeve of the thief – he jerked awake, three eyes immediately frantically looking around before they set onto the intruder.

The alien with the hood snapped their heads towards Auraline, but surprisingly didn’t panic. The seller’s face twisted in fury and he didn’t waste any time as he thrusted his hands forward to grab the collar of the stealer. Unfortunately, that thief must have been a good one since they swiftly banged their head against the seller’s nose. The seller moaned in pain, grabbing his wounded nose. He stumbled backwards, crashing against the wall behind him.

Auraline sprang into action.

Panic erupted all around the marketplace as aliens screamed and caged all of their goods with electrical barriers. Lance started running and he wished he could help in any way, but he was useless and trapped in his own head. He couldn’t do anything no matter how much he wanted.

With surprising strength, the thief pulled out the spear and swung it against Auraline. The Galra ducked and just like the bot Keith fought today, she circled on the ground and swept the bandit off their feet, her long braid flying with her. The spear almost fell down in the dusty ground, but Auraline skillfully caught it in her hands. She went to her feet and spun the weapon like she was demonstrating what she could do with it, that she was dangerous, because you can hardly win against a person who obviously knows all tricks with said spear.

At the end, she only thrusted the end bladed edge of it in the thief’s face and said with a hard voice, “Return what you stole. _Now._ ”

Lance almost shuddered at how different she changed her persona. She changed from a woman, wanting to taste her childhood, huge child-like eyes pleading for it – to a soldier made from steel and iron, ready to slay anyone who dared to go against her.

The stealer’s chest went up and down uncontrollably, but they squinted their eyes, their only visible feature, at the black pointed steel and then back at Auraline. They had a black veil on their mouth, but the eyes sure were angry. Silence was present everywhere. No one dared to breathe or make a move.

Lance waited for the disarming blow, the swing that would show to everyone here you didn’t mess with the Galra empire in case you wanted to die. He waited.

And it never came.

They simply stared at each other with intensity. Lance didn’t know why or how, but he felt like he was a witness of something. The beginning or the end of a story that his brain displayed while he was asleep, he didn’t know.

With the help of the sun, Lance caught the flash of silver, but he was helpless to warn Auraline, when the thief quickly pulled out a blade out of their sleeve. With a left hand they grabbed the side of the spear. Lance saw Auraline getting surprised and the muscle on her hands tightening as she tried to press the spear more into the thief’s face.

Auraline stepped closer and it seemed that’s exactly what the thief was waiting for. They kicked Auraline’s shin hard and the woman kneeled with the impact, grunting out in pain. The bandit swung their foot and it collided with Auraline’s face in a heavy thud. Lance winced.

The Galra woman toppled on the ground, but didn’t let herself lay too long. She rolled over and got on her heels impressively fast. But it was also the same for the thief as that gave them time to get up on their feet completely. They pulled another blade and it must suck for Auraline now – since her opponent had dual blades and they seemed to know what they were doing with them.

Auraline tried to reach over for her spear, but it was kicked away mercilessly. She glared at the standing thief. The burglar didn’t take their eyes off Auraline as they walked aback to retrieve back the crystal they were trying to steal. And their gaze wavered just for a split second, to search for the right one perhaps, and this time it was Auraline who pulled out a magic trick out of her sleeve, smirking slightly.

Literally.

Lance just now noticed that the uniform around her forearms was bulkier, seeming as if it was stuffed with something. A fucking _kunai_ materialized in her right hand in a flash and it must have some installed technology, because Lance heard a faint click, that the thief heard too, but it was too late.

Auraline threw the kunai and with the help of a chain it weaved steadily around the ankles of the stealer. Then she simply tugged, before the thief could do something and they fell down heavily, like a sack of potatoes.

Another one appeared in her left hand and Auraline got up as she twirled the left kunai in a circle, casually like it was some toy she was playing with. The thief probably understood their resisting was in vain, since they didn’t even struggle and even dropped the blades on the ground.

With great force, Auraline tugged the thief next to her, their body collecting all of the dirt because of the swipe.

“Now,” said Auraline and this time she glared, “don’t try anything funny. Because this one baby here,” she pointedly let the chain curl around her forearm, with only the very pointed kunai in her hand, “will go straight between your eyes.”

_“Oh, will it?”_

For the first time, the thief spoke and Lance’s mouth dropped at the voice.

It was like dripping honey, sweet and warm with enough raspiness to sound sexy, but it was also smooth to lull you into sleep of how nice it was. It was like silk, gently passing through your ears. It was the voice of everything good in the world and Lance wanted to listen to it forever. He’d do anything to keep hearing this gorgeous blessing.

Lance was almost to the point he wanted to drop on his knees and pray … _wait a minute-_

Auraline was standing with widened eyes and she blinked slowly as if she was in a trance. Lance couldn’t blame her – this voice was one in a million.

“Don’t you think it’d be better if you let me go?”

This time Lance had no doubts – this voice was feminine enough for him to believe the thief was a woman, but he still wasn’t going to assume anything, unless he saw who truly was under the hood.

“I …” Auraline seemed lost for words.

“C’mon, I know you want to … _just get these chains off me_ ,” the voice was so hypnotizing to the point where Lance’s brain hurt of how much he wanted to obey. He wanted Auraline to let her go only so he could keep listening to that voice.

Slowly, as if in a daze, Auraline tugged off the chains and the kunai steadily slapped into her palm with the force of all the heavy chains coming back.

“That’s wonderful. Now you’ll let me go and let me steal the alchemy crystal.”

Lance clutched at his head, the voice twirling like an evil cobra in his ear, making its way to his defenseless brain. He side-eyed Auraline, whom nodded with visible hollowness in her eyes.

And that was when Lance figured it out.

The voice must have had some powers, it was either magical or mentally trained one – but the owner of it used it so masterly, just like their hidden daggers. Just like a secret weapon. Maybe it was because Lance wasn’t in reality existing there so it didn’t have much effect on him, but when he looked around the same couldn’t be said for the aliens in close radius. They all looked enchanted, just like Auraline.

Worried Lance stepped in front of her, waving his hand in front of her. He muttered, “C’mon snap out of it.”

He didn’t know why he got so quickly attached to some dream girl he was probably never going to dream about again, but … he felt some weird connection with her.

He heard a noise behind his back and he twirled. The thief’s hood had fallen off during the search for the right crystal she wanted and Lance gulped down a choke.

Brown skin was poking through the white as snow hair, the same color as Allura’s. _Her_ face was _mesmerizing_ – with high cheek bones, full lips and big upturned eyes. Warm golden eyes widened when she caught Lance’s eyes and his heart skipped a beat, scared that someone saw him for the first time, but then he remembered he was standing in front of Auraline. He looked back at the Galra woman. Her cheeks had darkened a bit, some dark purple peeping through her visibly soft skin. Lance stepped beside Auraline again and he was once again hit by the beauty this woman owned.

She was perhaps the most beautiful woman he had ever witnessed seeing, right next to Allura. Her ears were also pointed just like hers and they had two glowing purple diamonds pierced at the end of them. And then Lance noticed them …

The Altean marks.

They were turquoise blue, contrasting so nicely with her skin and astonished, Lance looked around to see if someone else was seeing an Altean just like him. But that wasn’t the only thing this charming woman had on her face.

Right in the middle of her forehead she had a crescent moon shaped mark turned upside down, in the same color as her marks. It was faintly glowing in blue, along with the three small swirling writings where her hairline started – just when her forehead was ending.

She was like a goddess, like something mythical out of a fairytale. She possessed an inhuman beauty, as if she was carved specifically by a goddess so she can look like an angel. It was nearly making him ache the longer he kept looking at her.

Auraline took a tentative step and the spell broke. Everyone broke off their trance as the Altean woman pulled her hood over, her face hidden once again perfectly by it. She also put on the black veil and sprinted like there was no tomorrow between all the dazed aliens, squeezing through the streets and corners.

“What did just happen …” One seemed to finally say.

“Why am I kneeling?”

“The thief got away!”

“Find them!”

There were excited murmurs, some were scared, some enraged with the situation, but Lance tuned them all when he looked at Auraline. She wore a distant expression and her lips were pursued. She looked up at the sun and Lance followed her gaze. Its rays weren’t as strong as the Earth ones so he didn’t have to squint much, but maybe that was another dream side effect.

A sound pierced through the air and Lance flinched at it along with Auraline. Apparently it was Auraline’s ear piece. She reached out to touch it and Lance assumed it was Firana judging by how the Galran woman seemed exhausted more and more with whatever she was hearing.

“I’m on my way,” she finally said and exhaled in relief when it all ended.

Then something in Lance’s chest heaved. He felt like he was slipping away, like someone put a thread around him and was tugging him away. He was probably waking up, but even then he strangely didn’t want to go. For a dream everything seemed so realistic. Everything seemed to darken all at once, but he was conscious enough to see how Auraline threw a longing look behind her, before everything went black.

This time he didn’t gasp when he woke up.

No, this time he slowly opened his eyes – his room lit up in white which meant the day was starting, _which also meant_ that these three hours felt like nothing in this dream land he was in. Allura’s voice sounded off, telling everyone she was waiting them on the main deck, but all Lance could do was to just keep laying like he was a dead man as he stared at the ceiling, thinking, and thinking, and thinking …

_What the fuck was that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M Y S TE R I O U S !
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter just as much as i did while writing it! Not gonna lie, i am actually pretty proud of it. I've put a lot of foreshadowing here so if anyone manages to guess at least ONE thing correctly - i will write one free prompt of whatever you like! Scouts honor :D
> 
> And yes, Keith did not finish on why he got kicked out. That's on purpose don't worry you guys ;))
> 
> See you next time!💗✨


	2. author's note 💘

_So whatever you think is happening, because I’m posting an author’s note instead of a new chapter – you’re wrong._

_I’ll calm the people who have somehow subscribed to this fic and to everyone who has read the first chapter and are interested – I AM ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT FINISHING THIS FIC! Cross my heart and hope to die I am not abandoning this baby no matter how small attention it received. I have planned so much shit for this story and for it to go to waste because it didn’t become as popular as I thought it would become? HA._

_But let me explain myself first. August and September were extremely hard months for me because of this whole pressure to finish my other story **[boyfriend ♡](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445864/chapters/51104218)** and to also write the new chapter for Please Forgive Me. I had to buckle up and write 40k words despite the fact I was in an awful writer’s block, started my driving lessons and overall just had a busy schedule for two months. Not to mention it’s also my last high school year so that was that too._

_And no I am definitely not complaining nor asking for pity J! I’m simply explaining what’s the situation and why you guys don’t have a 2 nd chapter for this fic._

_The good news are that I PASSED MY DRIVING EXAMS and I’m officially a driver the moment I get my license. School is also going pretty well and I’m going to private lessons, because I’m thinking of majoring with history in uni (for now that’s the plan at least). And of course, now that I passed I will have more free time to write and BOI do I have some inspo :DD_

_However … the thing is that I want to put this fic on a break just so I can actually write down how I want the plot to go through. For now it’s all just scraped ideas and headcanons and messy notes in my notebook. And as a person who wants to be the most perfect version as a writer who provides good content – it miiiight take longer than usual._

_BUT! Fear do not, because in the meanwhile I will begin to write a very long one-shot that is inspired by one of my favorite movies ever. And I want it to be a surprise so I’m not telling hehe ;)_

_I’ve planned it well and I’ll try my best to transmit the beautiful and warm feeling of this movie so I’m hoping there won’t be any disappointments! <33_

_If you don’t wanna miss the update you can susbscribe for my account (and for this story too if u liked it), because I am ASSURING you that this will be continued!_

_Despite the small reactions for this fic – I’m still excited for what’s about to come soon! Thank you so much for your patience and love!_

_See you soon lovelies! <3_


	3. purple skies & purple wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t pretend that if I undress you right now I won’t see hundreds of bruises on you,” whispered Lance quietly and his tone was cold. Humorless. In full contradiction with the levity he always broadcasted, in contrast with the laughter, the softness and the care from minutes ago.
> 
>  _“Undress me?_ Is this a trick you use on all the aliens or am I just special?”
> 
> The poisonous sneer was out of his throat before he could stop it and he stubbornly kept his eye contest with Lance whose eyes have darkened more somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 💜 Welcome back to this fic of mine! I’m sorry for this long delay and I hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> I’d recommend to those who don’t remember much from the first chapter to skim through it so they can remember the major moments since I make a lot of references. Otherwise you’d be confused and we don’t want that ;)
> 
> p.s. I set a chapter count, but it’s only because that tiny question mark annoys the shit outta me. I’m probably gonna change it often so don’t be scared of the 10!
> 
> Thank you for your patience! ✨
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER : IMPLIED/REFERENCED CHILD ABUSE. it is pretty vague and at the end of the chapter, but keith has some good observation skills.

#### chapter II - purple skies & purple wounds

Keith has always thought about what having a real friend would be actually like.

Not that Shiro didn’t count, but from the moment the older man truly introduced himself Keith knew that this wasn’t going to be just some fleeting friendship. After stealing his car and watching Shiro explain to him in a kind tone why it was bad, the feeling he got from this spoke of _big brother_ even then. Even when Keith had never had anything close to a brother to even compare. The only blood relative Keith had was his father and he was dead so the cards weren’t looking too good on his end when it came to family.

But then Shiro barged into his life. After all the shitty foster homes, all the incompetent families that he was taken into – Takashi Shirogane was like a sudden burning fire in a cold cave in which Keith had hidden in for goddamn centuries. The ridiculous faith in Keith as a person and his abilities for doing something greater than just be an angry kid who would’ve turned against the law if he wanted to survive in this cruel world. The hope Shiro showed that Keith will do extraordinary things as a fighter _pilot_ in the Galaxy Garrison.

Keith had to admit, he was skeptical when it came to this place. Everyone all around the world knew about it and frankly maybe because everyone around the world already _did_ work or study there. It was especially hard to get into, with their hard exams and mandatory require that you must know minimum _three_ languages. He always thought only pompous, stuck up rich assholes with connections got accepted, but when Shiro assured him that hard work was the only way to win yourself a place there, Keith managed to change his mind a bit. And change his mind, he did, when he found out that Shiro was an orphan _just_ like him.

It was inspiring and encouraging to see Shiro, a boy who was left alone like him, having friends and a loving boyfriend while also be the best pilot of his generation.

Keith had faith for the first time in so long that perhaps trying into the Garrison wouldn’t be such a horrible idea. Shiro visited him in the orphanage after lessons and specifically took his time to tutor him. Physics, chemistry, math, biology and on top of that he had to learn another new language and be fluent at it before the date for the entering exams.

Because of his Korean father, Keith spoke the language easily, although not as fluently as English due to not enough practicing after he died. Kang Minhyeon spoke only his mother tongue in the house and until eight years old Keith knew only Korean with just a bit of English.

A few years later it turned into the opposite, so Shiro lend him books, music, audio teachers and apps so he could get the fluency of his supposedly first language back. However, the only problem was the third language.

In the beginning Keith assumed it’d be something world known like Spanish, German, Chinese or maybe even Russian, but he was proved very wrong when one day Shiro dropped one ticket in front of him, on the desk. Plane ticket to Tokyo. _Freaking Japan._

Keith would never forget Shiro’s smug smile and the words accompanying it.

_‘Go get your stuff, kiddo. We’re staying there for one year.’_

Of course, he had to fill in some paperwork since he wasn’t a legal guardian or a relative, but because he was Keith’s mentor for the Big Brother program, and a very sweet talker when he wanted to be, Shiro and Adam pulled up some strings so the orphanage let Keith take his school year in Japan.

It was hard at the beginning. Keith and Shiro practiced all day, every day, while Adam was having the time of his life there. Shopping, eating, driving fancy cars around the city, meanwhile Keith was sweating buckets on the days where Shiro demanded he spoke Japanese only. The feeling of fulfillment however, of the satisfaction of accomplishing something he deemed impossible was so strong that he had cried when Shiro took him into a big hug at the end of the trip.

So he got into the Garrison afterwards.

Then Kerberos happened.

And now he was here.

Millions of light years away from Earth, in a Castle ship that was the home of an sentient Lions that was built by an ancient alien civilization that was gone forever.

Keith sighed for what it felt like a millionth time, the words that were on the book’s pages swirling and dancing in front of him because of the exhaustion. He was currently lounging on the long couch at the observation deck as he was reading one of the books that he and Lance had taken from the library a week ago.

Images from that night flashed behind his closed eyes while he tried to calm down the small fluttering in his chest. It had felt so good – to finally have some sort of bonding experience with the Blue Paladin outside their missions. At some point, somewhere in the beginning, he thought Lance would tolerate his presence, but never be friends with him. He knew no matter all the petty words, all the rival talk and taunting behavior that Lance didn’t hate him. If he did, they wouldn’t have been able to form Voltron.

It brought him some comfort, that thought, fairly too often as he would like to admit. He knew he wasn’t the best at making friends or catching certain social cues. He considered more trying on his end to at least connect with Lance or Hunk as Shiro advised, but whatever attempts he’s had – it all turned to ash the moment Lance pierced him with that cold, blue, icy gaze.

Hunk was easier to talk to, but Keith couldn’t help, but feel that if _Lance_ didn’t like him then Hunk wouldn’t either. These two were attached to the hip so it seemed impossible for the boy to pursue any actual conversation with the kind-hearted Yellow Paladin when it would all be hopeless at the end.

But oh _stars_ , that goddamned night still couldn’t escape Keith’s mind no matter how hard he tried to move on. Lance’s curious glances, the easy talk, the smiles – the pure sensation of holding his hand and seeing those gorgeous lights in front of him, illuminating Lance’s eyes. And when he had grabbed his face and comforted Keith’s insecurities on finding love, it was a battle for Keith to not melt when Lance’s warm, long fingers made contact with his skin.

_‘Maybe I should stop assuming things about you, huh?’_

_‘Don’t say those things about yourself when I see how amazing you are. When I know everyone sees how amazing you are. You will definitely find someone who will love you for who you are.’_

He couldn’t believe that Lance of all people would succeed so easily at easing his anxiety and self-doubts. _Shiro_ , most certainly could although he didn’t know any of the things Keith confessed. But cocky, obnoxious, flirty Lance? He didn’t mind it, but he may have gone to bed that night, finding himself fearful of what awaited for them both now. Were they not rivals anymore? Teammates that aren’t annoying anymore? Friendly rivals?

“Keith?”

A delicate, high voice made him snap his head towards the door. He offered a shy smile to Allura, who was standing at the entrance in her nightgown, blinking sleepily at him. One of the mice was buried on the top of her big, thick hair that was in a braid falling down her back.

Her pajamas that was sewed in the form of a dress ruffled as she moved towards the couch, raising a curious, white brow at him.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

At the mention of sleep, the princess yawned gently and Keith chuckled at that, the small animal waking up with the sound. Strangely, not knowing or understanding how, Allura had been a very pleasant company for the past one month. He didn’t know if he had the privilege of calling her a friend yet, but out of everyone in this ship, except Shiro, she was the closest to him for now. One wonderful visit to the library with Lance didn’t equal them being friends, Keith reminded himself.

“I was actually just debating on going to bed before you came,” said Keith and closed the book in his lap pointedly as if to assure her he was telling the truth. He actually wasn’t debating anything, but he knew how worried she got. And he didn’t want to worry anyone when he could help it.

She huffed and rolled her eyes, like she knew perfectly he was bullshitting. Nevertheless she circled around and sat down as graceful as ever, next to him.

Allura opened her mouth, probably already done with a speech on why sleep was extremely important to the life of a Paladin when something caught her attention. Keith felt himself frowning, looking down at where she’d glanced. And he understood.

“Oh uhh … me and Lance found the library,” he announced hesitantly. Keith raised the book between them and showed it to the princess. Her eyes suddenly sparkled with something Keith could only call recognition. “I picked up some for myself and I’ve been reading them with the help of Pidge’s devi–“

_“Holy stars and galaxies!”_ The girl squealed and laughed carefree, reaching out to take the ‘The Shadows of Our Souls’ from his light grip. “This was my favorite collection written by Meera Rikortstar! I was obsessed with these books, Keith! So was the whole Altea!”

Keith stared at the yellow cover in her hands while she skipped through the pages, idly glancing at what was written inside. “Wait really? There are more?”

Allura threw him a look full of confusion as if he was stupid.

“Of course there’s more, didn’t you read at the end how– Oh wait! I’m not supposed to tell you! Otherwise I’d spoil all the fun!”

She giggled conspiratorially and all of a sudden from a warrior leader and a princess, she turned into the teenage girl she was perhaps hiding a little too much from the others. Keith smiled at her antics. It was contagious, really, to see such obvious happiness when it came to such trivial things like books.

“On which part you’re on?”

Keith thought for a moment. “Mm I think at somewhere in the middle? A bit after that? Merrian just arrived in that magical city thingy.”

The next hour or so maybe was spent in talking about the book itself, the characters, the plot with Allura trying hardly not to mention what was going to happen in the future. And it was … nice. Relaxing. To talk about something entirely that didn’t have any connections to Voltron, the war or Zarkon. To just _be_ in that moment where he and Allura could pretend everything was normal.

The girl asked more about other books that he chose and about her own other favorite ones. She even promised with a gleam in her eyes that they’d watch a movie based on one of her favorite trilogy.

There was a small pause between them as they both read silently from the book. Allura moved for just a second, arranging herself to sit and look better when the smell of her perfume hit Keith’s nose. He looked on his right and was baffled at how she was always so … _presentable_ in front of them. Like she was afraid they’d think differently of her character if she showed up sweaty, with eye bags or messy hair. Even Lance, ever the peacock, allowed himself to slack off sometimes. But that wasn’t the case with Allura. Ever.

“Do you think you’re being hard on yourself sometimes?” Keith blurted before he could stop himself. That was, indeed, a strange question and frankly he himself didn’t know where it came from.

Allura pulled her legs to her chest and turned from the page to him, surprise written on her features at the weird question. She puckered her lips in thought and frowned, like what Keith said was giving her more trouble than worth.

“I suppose not?” She finally answered. “Aren’t we all trying our best in this war? Surely we must push our own boundaries sometimes, don’t you think?”

“Well yeah … but you’re the princess. Sometimes there are always more responsibilities on your shoulders than we think,” elaborated Keith. He was aware that all of them were useful in their respective fields, but if his teammates gave their best – Allura did that and then some. And it wasn’t their fault, really, after all no one had prepared them for this war. Everyone was acting on their best qualities, trying to be the most useful. But no one could deny Allura could do it all.

She was the diplomat, the fighter, the leader and even if she wasn’t as technological smart as Hunk and Pidge – she was still knowledgeable about their enemies, all the planets and alien species across the universe. Keith couldn’t help, but admire everything about her. It was as if she was made to be a role model.

Though technically she _was_.

After he saw her scowl, Keith was quick to add, “Not that I’m downgrading the others! I’m not doing that. Just … yeah.”

He repressed the want to wince and bury his head in his hands. He wasn’t Lance or Shiro, he never mastered the art at aligning all the emotions he was feeling to what actually came out of his mouth.

Unfortunately for him, Allura’s reaction didn’t bring him any comfort. Her turquoise eyes shadowed and she looked down, sadness perfectly evident on her features. It was like sorrow had hit right at her heart and he felt himself panicking for upsetting her. She brought her hands, circling around her folded legs and she hugged himself, leaning her chin on her knees.

And from a powerful, brave and stubborn princess to a silly girl, obsessed with fiction – she quickly turned into a small mournful dot of brown, pink, blue and white. The mice that was sleeping sensed the swift change in her mood and climbed down her braid so it could softly squeak in assurance in her long ear.

“I’m not the princess of anything,” she murmured in melancholy and maybe it was the trick of the light, or maybe because of those neon lights on the walls, or the stars’ shine, but Keith could’ve sworn he saw the tears pooling in her eyes.

It broke Keith’s heart. To see her so defeated, so worn down, like a kicked puppy in the mud. All because of one word that apparently changed everything for her. He wished he could do something. Say a nice word, offer a hug or something to make her feel better, but all Keith did was to just sit there, mouth slightly open at her confession. Maybe if Shiro or Lance were here they’d help her, alas the princess was stuck with him.

“Why not?”

A stupid answer; an even stupider question and Allura didn’t do anything, but shrug her shoulders.

He cursed himself for ruining the good mood.

Keith gulped down his nervousness and itched towards her, careful not to scare her with his sudden closure. He doubted a warrior like her would be afraid of something such as him, a mere soldier on the field who only knew how to yield his body and a sword. But he knew himself that if it was him in her position, he would’ve appreciated this more than a sudden touch or movement.

His fingers brushed her shoulder, not even properly touching her.

She replied before he could even say something. “Why? My people are gone, my planet is destroyed along with everything I’ve ever loved. All I have is Coran, the mice, this castle and the Lions. I feel like a complete, utter idiot whenever I announce myself as a princess.”

She paused, but this time it wasn’t for long, before she choked out, “I am _nothing_ , Keith.” 

Her face twisted in a painful grimace and one tear fell down her cheek. That put Keith in gear – that sight of her crying. He knew the pain of Altea being gone forever was a fresh, bleeding wound for her and Coran, but she had masked it so well sometimes that Keith forgot how it was affecting her the whole time.

Perhaps it was because he never had an actual home. Earth never felt like one anyways, because he always associated that word with Shiro. Shiro who was now here, living and breathing, still caring for Keith’s well-being just as much as when he had met him. Still fussing over his wounds just like when Keith had bruised himself on his knee when he fell from his hoverbike.

Earth was just the place he had been born into. A place where he had been living into; a cruel world with even crueler people that made him suffer. His brother has always been his tether to Earth. But now he was here and Keith got everything he could possibly want. He missed Adam like crazy sometimes, his sarcasm and dry jokes, but the one year away from him blurred everything else around him. His focus has always been set on the Blue Lion and Shiro. Because he never gave up on Keith no matter the circumstances. And Keith wouldn’t either.

He couldn’t possibly understand Allura’s feelings on one hundred percent, because what was Earth to Keith was never going to be the same for Allura and Altea.

“No one is nothing, Allura,” he said and firmly grabbed her shoulder strongly, though still hesitant. “You are such a strong willed, amazing, intelligent, kind-hearted and strong person. I have been admiring your tough spirit ever since we’ve met.”

He was attentive on how to craft his words so he could actually show how much he liked Allura, her character and all that she has done for him and the paladins. Keith was never good at that, but he fiercely hoped she truly listened to him.

“It’s inevitable that these thoughts or emotions won’t come to the surface sometimes. After all, your home was ruined and you’re here, all alone in your brain, wondering if the universe itself doomed your existence. Not to mention that the death of your father must have been the most horrible pain you’ve ever felt.”

A firm bile got stuck in his throat. He felt like he was talking to himself. The memory of his dad was still a fresh picture in his mind, never mind the fact that his death was eleven years ago. He could never forget those tender eyes, filled with so much love. Those arms enveloping him in crushing, warm hugs and his booming, beautiful laughter that filled every room and every person’s heart.

Allura turned her face to him and nodded in confirmation at his words. Then she put her warm palm on top of his, that was on her shoulder still.

“Did you lose your family too?”

Her caress was as gentle as her question and all Keith could do was nod. Because his father was the only family he had for the longest time and he would always be no matter what. Shiro was family, but even he, couldn’t fill that gaping hole in his chest his father left with his death.

Allura squeezed in understanding and that’s when it hit Keith.

Allura could understand the blinding pain, the hollowness in his chest because of losing someone to you that much. Someone who loved you so unconditionally. Someone you’d never believe they could be taken away from you just like that.

Shiro never knew his own parents so that was a topic that Keith didn’t try to talk with him about. At least Keith carried memories of his own. Shiro had nothing except for he and Adam.

“I miss him,” was all Allura said.

“Me too,” Keith croaked out and held back a sob. He really missed him. He really did. He would gladly give his knife from his supposed mother away just so he could see his father again.

He and Allura stayed like this, time blurring slowly and quickly simultaneously with their hands still clasped together steadily. They breathed in and out together, their hearts crying simultaneously. But it wasn’t so bad, Keith pondered, when he had someone next to him sharing the pain. Allura reminded him of consolation made flesh.

At last she let her head fall on his shoulder.

For a swift second, his whole body stiffened as his shoulders slightly jumped to his ears. He winced at that, wondering if he bothered Allura with that, but she stayed calm next to him. Their hands were still together.

There was nothing romantic in that. Just pure and real support in her hold. Appreciation that he was here for her just like she was for him.

Strength.

That same night Keith finished ‘The Shadows of Our Souls’ with Allura sleeping next to him.

･:*:･ﾟ.・・･:* :･ﾟ｡･: *:･ﾟ

_“No.”_

“Keith–“

“ _No_. Shiro. I am _not_ telling them.”

The Red Lion’s cockpit was unusually cold and Keith shivered slightly, crossing his arms around his body, hoping that some warmth would slip through that flexible, latex fabric that had been unceremoniously thrown at him. Or maybe the cold was coming from him, from that freezing truth that settled in. Truth that had shattered his life in two.

“Listen, this is a big deal for you, I get it. And you can take some time to process this. To decide how you want to tell them,” said Shiro, his voice soft as a breeze over a flower field. Keith still hasn’t spared him a look ever since they left the Marmora headquarters. He couldn’t bear to look at his brother, at all of his scars – visible or not, the Galra had left. Galra like him. Like _Keith_.

The urge to curl in a small cocoon of misery and despair was more tempting than ever and Red’s comforting presence wasn’t helping his seemingly strong composure. He could feel that invisible hand, choking him around the throat, as Keith tried not to cry. Not in front of Shiro.

“But you can’t keep this a secret. They are your teammates,” the Black Paladin continued and put his right palm on Keith’s shoulder. The prosthetic one. The arm that was given to Shiro by the _Galra_ so he could fight for their own sick pleasure.

Keith almost recoiled from his touch. His hand had fell on a big bruise that was definitely going to give him trouble in the future.

“They deserve to know,” concluded Shiro.

_They did._ They really deserved to know the truth. Truth of how Keith shared the same genetics as the alien race that has been enslaving millions of planets and innocent people. Nausea rolled heavy in his stomach and head. He could already envision the looks of disgust in their faces. It was almost sickening, Keith thought. To finally have something akin to a family, to have something permanent in his hands for the first time – only for the universe to take it away.

Make him watch as all of his teammates slip away from his hands like the sands from the Arizona desert.

Keith nodded idly. Let his head fall on the armrest, wincing at the collision’s force. His whole body was a painting full of bruises, he was sure. The Blade of Marmora didn’t let him have it easy, nor physically or mentally. He could feel some of his blood, from nasty cuts on his cheeks and eyebrows, still falling down on his face. Some of it had dried, making him itch.

His heart screamed in pain, squeezing itself in a knot, when he _remembered_. His father’s face. So close to him. So close that all Keith had to do was to reach out and touch him. Envelop him in a hug where he could breathe in his dad’s smell. That familiar perfume of smoke and fire that always lingered with him every time he came back from work.

_‘Don’t you wanna catch up?’_

He wished it was that easy. To catch up, that is. To tell him about his adventures in space, about Shiro, about his teammates, about Red. But his father was long gone, six feet under, his corpse rotten, already food for the insects. A gruesome thought, but it was the only thing that reminded him that his father wasn’t another conspiracy theory. He wasn’t an ancient Lion, hidden in a cave, or an old creature from legends and myths that Keith could search for.

No. His father was dead. He was gone and there wasn’t anything Keith could do about it. No matter how much he wanted to.

“I’m gonna leave you alone for a bit, kiddo. Gather your thoughts,” sighed Shiro when he knew Keith wasn’t going to grand him with a response soon. He patted him lovingly on the shoulder before he swiftly exited Red.

_Alone, alone, alone._ That’s all he ever was, wasn’t he? A free leaf, just drifting in the wind following his instinct to whenever it took him.

Red was ever the gentle caress. She never stopped regarding him with her warm presence and tenuous, soft purr that calmed him down even just for a second. She enwrapped him in a blanket, full of sweet memories and laughter even if there weren’t many to transmit into his brain.

He breathed out and finally allowed himself to crumble into a pile of sadness. He started crying freely when he was sure that Shiro was long gone and wouldn’t hear him. The sobs were loud and wrecked, his own voice against him, perhaps the reason that he hasn’t cried in a long time. He knew if he cried there would be no stop for him. And like a flooding waterfall, warm tears fell from his eyes as they made the cuts and bruises on his face sting.

That didn’t distract him from the psychical pain, though. There was a hole in his chest, his own black, bottomless pit that sucked out all the good, trapping him in a metal cage. He couldn’t breathe properly and every inhale was like needless pressing into his lungs.

Or maybe those were the bruises, those cracked ribs, that the Blades have crumbled with their feet and hands with such ease.

With trembling hands, he took his blade from the sheath and gazed too long at the loose bandage he’d weaved around it years ago. Slowly he untied it and immediately that dark purple, almost blue glowing mark was mocking him, laughing at how oblivious he had been. Stupid and clueless to not realize that he wasn’t even fully human.

This constant feeling of not belonging, maybe the reason everyone steered away from him. All the signs were in front of him, this whole time.

_‘The only way this is possible if Galra blood runs through your veins.’_

Keith felt his own face curving into an expression of fury. His _Galran_ mother had left him and his father; left him with that stupid knife for which he almost got killed for and at what cost? For all of his teammates to hate him? Kick him out of Voltron?

_No ._

_Never ._

_You are the only one I want ._

For the first time since he had returned from the base, Red responded to his thoughts with that familiar anger that they both shared. That anger that never stopped burning him, swallowing him like fire. Fire that kept taking over his whole soul and body – just like it did with his father. He and Red bonded over that anger that kept him awake; kept him on his toes, waiting for the next bad thing just so he could bounce back with sneers and slices of his sword only so he could let it out.

He hasn’t felt such pure hatred in so long, Keith realized. So strong and overtaking to the point it was drowning him in its flames. He wanted to burn everything, wanted everything all the metal to melt; wanted that _stupid_ blade to melt until all left from Keith was grey ashes and debris.

And with all of his rage and wrath in his heart, Keith hurled the knife away from him along with a violent, broken scream.

Praying if his mother was alive, out there somewhere, she would hear all of his curses.

* * *

Keith didn’t realize he had fallen asleep, when suddenly, a warm hand grasped around his dangling fingers. The touch jolted him awake, instincts kicking in like on auto-pilot as his brain betrayed him, making him think once again he’s in that horrible place again. Getting the shit beat out of him, with no escape so he could watch his father die _over and over again–_

“Hey, hey, hey – it’s me, Mullet. Calm down.”

Mullet.

There was only one person in this entire universe that would call him like this.

His eyes pried open and he blinked away at the black darkness all around him, crushing down on him, his heartbeat strong, a steady rhythm in his veins. His fingers twitched and he looked with drowsy eyes, trying to ignore Lance’s hand that was heavy in his own.

Red was obviously not awake. She was probably tired from all the wrecking she did at the base, but he could still feel her lingering in the back of his mind, like a sleeping kitten in his arms. He could always feel her no matter how hard things got or how unresponsive she was after a hard battle. Just like a mother should’ve been. But all his own mother left behind her was ruins and a broken family, beyond repair.

Finally he looked down at his own hand that Lance had taken a hold of. He could still see very clearly the outlines of his body and he bitterly realized that this was yet another part of himself that he should’ve known wasn’t normal. Unusual.

_Inhuman._

Without making a noise, Keith tugged his hand back rather harshly and he stood up in his chair, sitting up. He tried not to wince or let out a pained whimper when his body screamed in agony. The silence was as overwhelming as the blackness since Keith could hear his hoarse pants perfectly in his ears.

“What are you doing here?” Keith asked and dared to look on his left where he knew Lance was.

The boy was obviously straight out of bed just like that night, a week ago. His curls were disheveled more than usual, his blue eyes like sparkling diamonds and ever still the taunting smirk dancing across his lips. Although now it looked like a tired, fond smile more than anything. He was crouching next to his chair in a big, dark green shirt, an alien inscription written on it that looked faded from all the laundering.

The golden chain around his neck glimmered somehow and Keith wondered what it was yet again. Lance has always kept the necklace hidden behind his shirts and jacket. Never letting anyone see.

Lance looked cozy and all Keith wanted right now was to fall in his arms, bury himself in his chest and become nothing. Feel nothing. Anything was better than the dreadful pain that kept slicing him with each passing second. A knife, just like those rebel Galrans possessed, stabbing him and pushing in deeper until there was no more flesh to pierce.

“What am _I_ doing here? What are _you_? Dude, you were gone for hours after Shiro came back. You weren’t there for dinner so I just assumed you went to sleep or train. But I was playing a video game when I decided to see if you’re there, but you weren’t. So I decided to check up on you and well … this was the only other place I could think of when I couldn’t find you.”

Keith’s eyes widened at the confession and he scrambled from his chair. He’d missed dinner? For how long did he sleep? He was unsteady on his feet and would’ve fallen over, his knees suddenly buckling, if it wasn’t for Lance grabbing him.

“Woah! Hold your horses, cowboy,” chuckled Lance and pulled up his body upright. He planted Keith’s right hand across his broad shoulder and Keith was silently thankful for the support, appreciating Lance’s help that was accompanied with no questions. He has always liked that about the Blue Paladin. The sheer ability to be a steady rock without judging, without the unnecessary bugging or the useless questions that he knew would only do little, but annoy Keith.

Lance grunted with the effort to keep him straight and for a moment Keith felt bad for the trouble he was causing, but deep inside he was aware that he would fall over if there wasn’t any support for him now.

Just when there were about to take any steps for Red’s exit, Lance stopped in his tracks.

“Keith,” he murmured, his voice a whisper in the air. “Your blade.”

Keith followed with his gaze towards where was Lance looking. There it was on the ground, his knife, its silver and mark still glowing, winking at him; reminding of what happened earlier today. The bandage, dirty and ruffled, laid only a few inches away from it. He couldn’t even bring himself to care if Lance saw it. It’d be better for the object to speak instead of him. The words were his Achilles heel anyways.

“Just leave it there,” was his only answer and he turned away from it.

Lance’s hold tightened a bit and kept him from moving. “But–“

“Lance,” Keith pleaded.

He even surprised himself with how broken he sounded. How weak. Lance’s eyes snapped to his and there was only a small distance between their faces now. The spot on his waist, where Lance’s hand rested bled warmth through the Blade body suit and Keith suppressed a shudder. Such long time had passed since any boy touched him like this; held him with such care.

They’ve never stood that close before, Lance and Keith, not with such vulnerability and nakedness anyways. It has always been anger and pettiness for far too long. But Keith was tired from that anger.

_Keith was tired._

_“Please.”_ He said one more time and whatever expression the other Paladin saw was a conviction enough for him to leave the matter alone. Lance’s mouth tightened in obvious displeasure, but he nodded and hoisted up Keith firmer than before. They made their way towards the exit and it had never been a challenge for him to walk from his Lion’s hanger to his own room, but here he was. Limping like an old man or a baby animal learning how to walk for the first time with his legs barely using themselves. Lance didn’t make any sound the whole time and Keith wasn’t sure if he was grateful or bothered by the sickening quietness between them.

He’d never thought he would be so bothered by Lance not talking.

The Castle was dark, with those stripes of blue neon being the only source of light. But it was enough for Keith and his heightened vision to notice that Lance swerved them to the right corridor, not to the left where their rooms were.

Keith stopped by himself this time. “Wait, where are we going?”

Lance scoffed.

“If you think I’m gonna leave you in such a condition,” answered Lance, his face on the border between seriousness and mirth. “Then I’d be very disappointed of how low is your opinion of me.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

Lance sighed tiredly and looked up at the ceiling, looking like he was praying for someone to save him from Keith’s ridiculousness. “I’m taking you to the Med-bay.”

Before Keith could even think of objecting, Lance tugged him with a surprising force and he had no choice, but to stumble after him. He didn’t understand why all of a sudden Lance decided to try this closure with him, but with all the honesty Keith could muster, he didn’t mind one bit. Lately he found himself more enamoured with Lance and his character that wasn’t as bland as he thought it would be.

No, Lance certainly had more than he offered and it all made it more exciting for Keith who had been secretly dying to know what’s beyond the surface. Lance was surprisingly quite a mystery, no matter how often Lance projected his feelings to show, trying to fool everybody. He always had a secret card up his sleeve every goddamn time.

They prowled with great effort towards the medical wing, but they still managed and Keith inwardly collapsed in relief at the sight of the bed. Careful, but steady, Lance honestly half carried him to it, making him sit up. Keith’s head lolled to the side, almost falling on the white sheets and pillow when Lance walked towards the door and turned on the light.

The spontaneous flash of whiteness exploded in front of his eyes and he knew he made a pained face, frowning as it caused the small headache increase. Thankfully, Lance ever the observant, lowered the brightness making it easier to breathe. He heard the other boy’s assured footsteps around the room, his hands searching in different drawers and shelves for whatever he was looking for. Everyone in the Castle was particularly aware that Coran had a favorite, no matter how many time he has denied it. And this favorite was no other than the Blue Paladin.

Not surprisingly, Lance relished under the attention and the praise, but he soon learned that it came with a price such as being Coran’s clerk in literally every sense when it came to this ship and the Lions. Pidge gave up in trying to win the oldest Altean on her side when she realized that simple fact.

With Lance being a secretary came the privilege of knowing where was what and how it was used.

Soon enough, Keith caught on Lance’s scent, a strange mix of ocean and citrus, drifting closer to him. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes and gazed up at Lance whose face was scrunched up in concentration while he was reading something from a small, blue bottle.

_Cute_ , his mind supplied.

Lance put everything he had in his hands on the bed, next to Keith while he began nervously playing with his hands in his lap. He stupidly felt guilty, the situation painfully similar to all those times where he was always ending up at the nurse’s office because of all the fights he’d started or didn’t, her hands taking care of everything with a scowl. Long time ago, back when he was little and too stupid to back down from opponents stronger than him.

Out of nowhere, a cold liquid touched one of the scars on the end of his left eyebrow, the place burning with a _szz_ sound, reminding Keith of acid. On reflex he winced and tried to get away from the unpleasant feeling, but he couldn’t get too far when warm fingers grabbed his chain and stilled him.

Not hurting him. Just gently holding.

“Stay still,” muttered Lance softly and Keith tried not to flush under those hardened eyes.

Lance worked in the most tender way and his stomach was doing funny things inside him as Keith took in every detail on the Blue Paladin’s face. His freckles were so many, splattered like stars on a night sky and there was a mole on his left, near the nose that he had never noticed before. The brown curls were providing with small shadows as they fell nicely on his forehead. He had some scars, some as tiny as dots, and some big with faded whiteness around them which meant Lance would be stuck with them for the rest of his life.

They’d all leave with scars at the end of this war, if there was an end of it. That, if they managed to get out of it alive and unscathed. Which was unlikely when Keith noticed how down was everyone from time to time, the homesickness and pain becoming too much; too heavy for their shoulders.

Lance’s lips weren’t small, but they weren’t big either. A good, medium shape for kissing if Keith was being honest and they looked so soft, so plush that for a second he imprudently considered tracing the shape of them with his finger. Only just to check.

“This thing,” Lance said all of a sudden and nodded his head at the bottle Keith didn’t notice he was holding. “It cauterizes your scars and closes the skin so they won’t get infected. But you just have so many so it’ll take some time …”

He trailed off with that and Keith could hear the silent questions in that sentence.

_‘What happened?’_

_‘Why are you so bloody, why can’t you stand on your own two feet, why didn’t you take the knife, why why why …”_

_‘Why are you Galra?’_

But was he ready? And to tell Lance first out of everyone? What he would think? Would he leave Keith to lick his wounds alone when he learns that he’s a monster?

Lance leaned forward on the side, grabbing some kind of plastic tube and with that action, whatever was around his neck dangled in the air, because of the shirt’s wide collar. It was a golden cross, the metal glimmering beautifully due to the ceiling lights. Lance strengthened up and stood closer to Keith now, between his legs.

This time, Lance started smearing some kind of cream on all the places where he had been hit or cut, which unfortunately was everywhere on his face. It was cold, but helpfully Keith was hot enough, all from the lack of distance between he and Lance. A very attractive boy, trapping him with his strong, warm body and Keith’s legs dangling around him.

He’d admitted to himself a long time ago that he found his fellow teammate handsome. Beautiful. Breathtaking. But there was a difference between finding someone easy on the eyes and wanting to kiss them, hold them, hug them and want them to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

Keith knew that from an experience.

Lance broke the silence with a disapproving click of his tongue, tightened mouth with seriousness written on his face that Keith was surprised Lance could muster.

“What did those fuckers do to you?”

His tone was angry, but Lance’s touching never stopped being anything other than velvety, his long fingers skillfully working with every scrap, taking his time to tend each one of them with equal care no matter how shallow, deep, small or big they were.

Against his own will, Keith’s eyes watered and he looked downward, escaping from Lance’s judgemental stare so he couldn’t see him.

Would Lance stop being like this when he learns the truth?

Instead of continuing to torture himself, Keith started inspecting the necklace that had been exposed now, laying on Lance’s chest as if it had been waiting for Keith to look at it. It was definitely real gold, with no sign of rust anywhere, the cross very tiny, but gorgeous on its own. It had what it looked like, flower designs carved in, swirling on its surface and an even smaller ruby stone as red as blood in the middle where the lines crossed. He didn’t peg Lance as a Christian, but he was Cuban and the majority of Latin America were Roman Catholics so somehow it made sense. Maybe it was a gift from a family member? A friend? A girlfriend or a boyfriend before he left for the Garrison?

A sour taste settled in his mouth at the thought of that, but then he reminisced of all the flirting Lance never stopped doing and his shoulders automatically relaxed. Lance was many things and fiercely loyal was one of them. He was dead confident that Lance was no cheater.

Said boy kept what he was doing, paying Keith no mind. But then he stiffened as if he had been hit, stopped the smearing the weirdly smelly cream on his face, when without thinking, Keith reached out with his right hand and delicately touched the jewelry.

He should’ve moved his limb away the moment that reaction followed, but he foolishly didn’t do it. It was very tepid to the touch, perhaps because it had been under Lance’s shirt this whole time, soaking from all the natural hot body temperature Lance gave off.

“It’s very beautiful,” said Keith quietly and dared to look up, hoping Lance wasn’t angry with his insolence. But those azures were only staring at him in surprise, Lance’s pupils only a bit wider than before.

“Yeah. It’s uh-,” Lance began and cleared his throat, picking up the action of helping Keith with the scratches and bruises. “It’s a family heirloom. My mother gave it to me on my twelfth birthday and it’s been on me ever since then.”

Keith glanced at it again and carefully grabbed it, turning it around idly when he beheld something on its back. There were carved letters, _a sentence_ , written lengthwise on the vertical line of the cross starting from its head and ending at the bottom. He subtly tried to rotate it so he could read it, but his attempts failed on the second when his brain clicked and Keith realized he couldn’t.

Because it was written in Spanish.

The letters were of course familiar to him, some words too, but he couldn’t coalesce the words well enough to translate the whole thing. So he gulped and with some bravery found in him, he asked, “What does this say?”

Lance didn’t need to look down to know what was Keith talking about. He must have read this millions of times through all those six years in which he had been its owner.

_“El amor me une por la eternidad,”_ Lance crooned and here and there, Keith decided that Lance sounded infinitely better when he spoke his mother tongue. Everything rolled off his tongue perfectly and he spoke the words with such love and heartbreaking nostalgia that Keith wondered how it long it has been since he last spoke in his native language.

“Love binds me for eternity,” translated Lance and closed the tube. Keith startled, remembered that their time together must be over now. Something inside him cried out loud at the thought.

“Do you know the story behind it?” Asked Keith instead, hoping he stretched out long enough before he had to go to bed. Maybe nightmares will come haunting him the moment he closes his eyes.

_Or maybe that strange dream from week ago would repeat?_

Hopefully.

Lance’s answer was a shrug of his shoulders, but surprisingly he didn’t step away from Keith afterwards. “There are some old stories here and there from all the relatives on my mom’s side, but they are all so different so I don’t bother anymore.”

Then he smiled and laughed lightly, eyes crinkling at the corners. Keith thought he was looking at the sun.

“My abuelo Fernando once told me these two pirates who were the founders of our family made matching ones for each other, but only one was lost and the other was passed down for generations.”

Keith smiled a little in response to that.

It sounded nice, Keith supposed. To have a family heirloom and associate it with your family, with laughter, love and crazy speculations rather than a _blade_. Blade that brought him only misery, tears and confusion on why his mother had left. A reminder she chose to walk away from him and Minhyeon without any promises of coming back. Just a stupid pointed object with no warmth or softness.

How many times salty tears have fallen on the smooth metal? How many times he had looked at its reflection looking and looking, wondering what was wrong with him?

_‘You’re not human. You’re Galra. That’s what it’s wrong with you.’_

“I like that theory,” said Keith sadly and he hoped Lance didn’t notice. Or if he did, to be considerate enough not to ask or say anything about it.

“Me too,” sighed Lance.

An awkward silence filled the air between them and Keith decided enough was enough as he tried to look anywhere but at Lance’s face. He began shifting his body with the purpose of escaping the barricade that was Lance’s body and to go to his room. Keith even lifted a hand, considering pushing against his chest when for the second time tonight, Lance was bold enough to grab it in his own and squeeze it.

Keith’s cheeks flamed and he looked up in bewilderment, flushing even more as he saw the raw concern; the pure sympathy in Lance’s eyes. He stepped in even closer and Keith desperately wanted to squirm away from him, to flee from the other Paladin so he could give his heart a chance to calm down.

_‘Stars above, didn’t he know what personal space was?’_

He swallowed nervously, suddenly sweating beneath the suit.

“I know it’s not my place to push, but …,” Lance hesitantly said and tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowing and no matter how obnoxious Keith had found him, that beautiful toothy smile, or grin was for sure a better look than this grimness he showed. “What’s wrong? What happened in that base if you haven’t even glared at me the moment I called you mullet?”

Lance’s lips twitched at the corners as if he wanted to laugh at his own joke so he could lighten up the mood, taunting Keith like always, but they both knew all jokes would fall flat in this very moment where Keith was the literal embodiment of a bruise. But nevertheless, Keith huffed at that and shook his head at what Lance said.

“I didn’t know you liked my glaring that much,” said Keith, a quiet breath between them, and was satisfied when Lance laughed gently under his nose.

“Oh, I definitely don’t,” Lance replied. “But it’s ten times better than seeing you so down and unresponsive.”

Keith’s whole body froze at this. This conversation was going in a direction he wasn’t sure he wanted to take the route for.

He even had forgotten he and Lance held hands until he felt another kind clamp on it.

“Are you okay?”

Pure question that deserved a pure honest answer.

Was Keith okay? He wasn’t okay when his father’s coworkers knocked on his door eleven years ago; faces sweaty, smeared with ash and burns, uncle Tommy kneeling on the porch telling him, _‘I’m sorry, kiddo.’_ Repeating the same words over and over again as he rocked his little body, sobs wrecking him, Tommy’s hand a support on the back of his head, holding him just like his father did every time he came back home.

Was he okay when Shiro left him and Adam on Earth, chasing his dreams despite his sickness that only left him with years of life? Was he okay when the person he started considering a brother decided a moon was more worth it than his fiancé and Keith? He wasn’t okay and neither was Adam when the Garrison broadcasted ‘KERBEROS MISSION FAILED : PILOT ERROR’ on every possible screen at that building. Yet another important person who left him, chose to do something else than to _stay_. He wasn’t okay even after Adam was the one who dried his tears and hugged him all night in his strong, secure arms.

He wasn’t okay when he spent that one year in suffering and loneliness, away from the Garrison and their lies, away from Adam, as he barely scraped by. All of the memories he had of his dad were sealed in that shack’s walls, all of his clothes and belongings were there and Keith was never good at letting go.

He wasn’t okay when he spent months, tears wetting Minhyeon’s shirt that now belonged to Shiro as he cried and cried, that hole in his chest consuming him more and more. He felt like his heart was cracking like fragile glass all those nights.

He wasn’t okay when he got punched in first grade, he wasn’t okay when he was sent into countless of foster families not one truly caring for him and he wasn’t okay when uncle Tommy stopped visiting him at the orphanage.

Keith’s eyes were now stinging with tears, one falling after another. He was a ticking bomb, a slow grenade that was finally exploding. A weapon destroying everything on its path.

So he shook his head and answered, _“No.”_

He choked out another sob as he shuddered, his shoulders trembling.

“No I’m not.”

* * *

Keith didn’t know how long he stayed in Lance’s embrace as he embarrassedly cried his eyes out. But he knew it must have been too long when the small clock on the wall started beeping annoyingly, announcing it was the space equivalent of midnight.

He sniffed miserably and turned his head to look. He was tired, his headache was getting worse while his eyes were hurting from all the crying and were probably red and disgustingly puffy. Keith made a face when he saw the wet spot on Lance’s shirt and slowly he moved away from the comforting bubble the Blue Paladin created around them. Throughout Keith’s whole breakdown, the other boy simply held him, stroked his hair and let him let out everything he desperately wished to release. No useless words or shushing – just holding him until no more tears could leave.

“I’m sorry I ruined your shirt.”

Keith couldn’t even recognize his own voice. He sounded as if he spent hours yelling, a hoarse and ugly tune, that should’ve made Lance step away.

Fingers brushed under his chin tenderly, forcing him to look up at blue gemstones.

“I don’t care about it.”

There was something hidden under those words, like a treasure Keith was trying to find under steppes of heavy sand. Keith opened his mouth to say thank you and declare his withdrawal for the night; the exhaustion literally bleeding out of him when Lance spoke first again.

“You need a healing pod.”

“Huh? What? Lance n–“

“Don’t fight me on this, Keith. You either go in by yourself _or_ I’ll make you,” said Lance, his gaze hardening with that and if he was standing, Keith would’ve stumbled back one step at the seriousness harboring in those eyes.

Keith’s mouth opened in shock and he glared at his teammate, welcoming that well known anger back into him.

How dare he? Comfort him and then demand he would make Keith do something he didn’t want?

“You can’t fucking do that!” He exasperated, the friendliness between them gone, so quick for the warmth to die out, as Keith pushed against the boy and got up to his feet. His muscles let out a cry at the movement, but the adrenaline was definitely helping him to keep steady. “Are you seriously going to coddle me like a baby now just because I cried in your arms?”

Lance’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What? No!”

“Oh _please_ ,” Keith spat. “Thank you for your hospitality and all but I don’t need a healing pod. I’m fine!”

_I don’t need you_ , he almost wanted to yell. _I don’t need anybody._

He mustered all the strength he could find after the Blades dried it out of him during the trial and started walking towards the door, already wishing Lance never searched for him and left him sleep in the Red Lion.

A palm enveloped his wrist and in his panic of not letting Lance see or hear the pain this touch had caused, he quickly wrenched out of the boy’s grasp and faced him.

“Don’t touch me!” Keith snarled, sounding too close to the monster he’d been so afraid to admit he was this whole time, and unknowingly clasped a hand around the throbbing place. Lance’s eyes flickered down to it and Keith knew he saw it before he quickly let go of it again.

“Don’t pretend that if I undress you right now I won’t see hundreds of bruises on you,” whispered Lance quietly and his tone was cold. Humorless. In full contradiction with the levity he always broadcasted, in contrast with the laughter, the softness and the care from minutes ago.

_“Undress me?_ Is this a trick you use on all the aliens or am I just special?”

The poisonous sneer was out of his throat before he could stop it and he stubbornly kept his eye contest with Lance whose eyes have darkened more somehow.

But Lance said nothing back. Not even a petty response, he just kept staring and staring, never backing down, not a motion, not a step and certainly not a sound. So Keith scoffed cheerlessly, rolling his eyes jokingly.

“You just love it, don’t you?” He went on. “The attention. You think I’ll fall at your feet; you think _everyone_ will fall at your feet when they all learn you put some salve on my face? Comforted the great, emotionless Keith Kang?”

Perhaps if he was a monster, he should’ve taken his role already. A Galra destroying not only planets and living worlds, but relationships, love and happiness. Smiles. And the lack of one on Lance’s face just proved his point further. Because no matter where he went, no matter what day – Keith would still be a Galra. And that would never change even if Lance healed him from all the damages and treated all the injuries.

“Get over yourself, Alvarez.”

Keith turned his back on him again, heart breaking as he caught, just that last second, the sight of the pain he caused that Lance could not hide in time.

This would be better. If they all hated him. It would make the truth easier to swallow when he already put the seeds of hate, planted them in the core of their hearts and let them grow. His malicious words would be the water that would help him. It was a shame his first victim was the easiest of them all, who would only need little to no swaying to hate on Keith.

With heavy steps, but head high, Keith shortened the distance between him and the door which opened in an instant, sensing his approach. He stealthily grabbed the edged side of the wall when he felt another stab of pain in his stomach as Keith quietly doubled over, his palm covering it. He had been hit, kicked and fallen on on this exact part the most so it was no surprise it would hurt the most too.

He knew this whole time, he felt, Lance’s eyes watching his back. But there was no need for lies anymore when he knew how bad in shape Keith was.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Lance asked, the question loud enough in the huge room for Keith to hear. “Why are you always so keen on doing everything by yourself? Aren’t you sick of being alone, of always pushing m- _us_ away from you?”

Keith took a deep breath, his ribs refusing to take it in well. Keith’s hand gripped the wall tighter.

_Alone alone alone_

“Aren’t we _friends_?” Lance choked on that last word, on that last damn word that changed everything. Keith could even imagine the despair on Lance’s face who only tried to understand.

Because Lance was _good_.

No matter how annoying he sometimes got with his flirting; no matter how arrogant and flippant. Lance was _good_. Lance was kind, and Lance was sweet, and supportive, and protective and caring. Lance was a boy baptized in salty ocean and showered in sun rays, who offered to take Keith into a library and took his hand so he could open it. A boy who saved his skin in every battle and offered a high five after every mission, and whose smiles were the sunshine itself.

They could never be friends.

Because Lance was everything he was _not_ and Keith was tired of dragging down everyone he dared to love.

So Keith slid his hand from his wall and fell to his knees, sitting back on his heels, shoulders hunching with his head hanging low. And told the truth.

“I’m Galra, Lance,” he said in a teary voice.

There.

He’d said it.

But even saying it out loud, admitting it out in the open air didn’t have his whole body squeezing itself in shame any less. This suit was clinging onto his skin with the help of his blood and sweat, and he felt dirty. Disgusting. Filthy.

His heartbeat was in his ears but he succeeded to hear the light steps behind him, getting closer and closer. Maybe Lance would finally leave him alone now.

A touch on his back.

“C’mon.”

He was again forced on his legs. But Keith’s mind was a static, not even registering what was happening around him while his eyes zeroed onto nothing, never seeing or focusing. A state of shock, the numbness slipping in with no permission.

He was somewhere else now. Memories of a Galra woman and a thief, antlers and a beautiful face flew across his vision, taking him into a better place where he could not feel anything.

That dream of last week felt so real. Keith could’ve sworn he could almost touch all the aliens around him, but that was disproven when he tried to take a fruit out of a stand and his hand went right through it. Then the soldiers and the fight between … what was her name- Aurora maybe? Keith wondered for two days what it had meant, why his brain crafted such a detailed story, but he forgot mostly about it from all the battles and the diplomacy visits.

He was brought back into the real world as he felt warm fingers on his neck. He focused on the sterile wall in front of him as he puzzled on what happened while he dozed off. There was a sound of a zipper closing in and Keith snapped his head behind, almost getting put off by Lance whose mouth was breathing too close to him.

Keith glanced down at his hands that were now covered by a creamy white suit. Did Lance change him from the Marmora outfit while he was busy in Dreamland? His brain was pure goo at this point.

“W-what …”

“Don’t worry, I had my eyes closed the entire time. I didn’t see anything.”

Lance offered an attempt of his original crooked smile, but when Keith blinked at him cluelessly, the boy sighed and gestured to one of the pods that was out.

“Let’s get you in,” he said and led Keith with his hand towards it.

So much touching tonight.

Keith looked at it with skepticism. He’d never been into one before and the small, cramped space made him wary and he wasn’t even claustrophobic. He wondered idly if there were any Alteans scared of small spaces – how did _they_ receive medical care?

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” assured him Lance and Keith jerked his head. “You’ll be there for at least an hour, okay? I’ll stay here for when you get out.”

_I’ll stay._

_I’ll stay._

_I’ll stay._

What little meant Lance with those words and how big of an impact they had on him.

Keith nodded at that, already knowing that Lance was probably going to leave the second the glass closes him in as it was too late and Lance was tired, in a dire need of sleep after today’s “adventures”.

Just when his right foot touched the bottom of the cold pod, Lance’s hand tugged to get his attention. Curious, Keith looked behind him, his heart skipping a beat as those turquoise pod lights bounced back on Lance’s face, making him look like a mythical, celestial being that was born in the dust between the stars.

Like a lightning, something imaginary and edged pierced through his skull almost as if in a warning. Keith fought off a wince.

Those sparkling eyes were as earnest as ever when he opened his mouth and asked softly, “You know that doesn’t change things, right? You being Galra. The right people won’t care, Keith.”

The right people.

Because Lance knew that they’d meet aliens who would know. Who would attack him or try to kill him solely for that. Time in space taught you enough about how dangerous it was. And Voltron was on the frontlines, taking all the most painful, destroying hits and blows.

Keith’s eyes turned glassy with unshed tears, but he refused to cry anymore. So he nodded in gratitude at that and stepped with a final into the pod, dropping Lance’s hand. He was facing the outside while Lance touched some buttons as Keith waited patiently to be put into a comatose.

Then the Blue Paladin snapped his head and looked him straight in the eyes.

“You’re still the most annoying person I know,” he said with that insufferable grin and a wink before the glass closed and trapped Keith.

“Asshole,” he muttered as the sleeping gas was released from the ends of the healing pod.

Keith could’ve sworn he heard laughter.

But by the time he thought about, his consciousness was long gone.

Everything was dark.

Dark like he was in a bathroom with its lights out, but Keith’s ears were as if covered like he was underwater and he couldn’t hear much, save for some small, unintelligible noises in the background. He wanted to open his eyes, but there was a weight on them preventing him from doing it so. Keith felt like he was floating in the open space, his body an useless mot in the whole universe. He was flooded with strange calmness, his heart steady, his headache gone and there wasn’t any aching in his muscles.

He was _breathing_. With the air fresh and crisp, filling his lungs with the purity of the stars was when Keith realized he could be here forever. Forever wandering off like this, mind not occupied with heavy thoughts about his heritage, about Voltron and his relationship with the Paladins – just raw, unending nothingness.

But before he could relish in this perfect feeling, to truly bask in these rays of blackness in the void, his body started to _drop._

His stomach went to his throat, his heart falling to his feet and Keith wanted to open his mouth to _scream_ , but he found out that he _couldn’t._ His hands formed into fists on reflex. It was as if he was in an elevator that suddenly broke and descended onto lower levels in the speed of light, falling and falling. He still couldn’t open his eyes and suddenly this comforting abyss suddenly made him scared. He was afraid of what was happening around him and Keith couldn’t see, couldn’t think because the more he started grasping on one single thought – the faster it left him as every meter was shortening with this infinite collapsing.

Then. Something solid.

Solid, like dirt and rocks beneath him, but he couldn’t truly feel their usual roughness under his hands. But he didn’t feel pain and his insides didn’t churn when he finally took control of his body. Everything happened too fast for him to process. It simply felt like someone grabbed him out of the nothing and put him as gentle as ever on the ground.

He felt the wind first. Or more that he felt it, but not _exactly_. Keith knew that he was supposed to feel its gentle kiss, the breeze light and smelling of something like flowers, but his hair didn’t ruffle it at all as if he was stuck under some sort of glass box.

A groan loosed out of Keith and he got on his elbows, his eyes opening to find that cream suit still clinging onto him. But what was surprising was that he didn’t feel any pain. He couldn’t exactly search if the bruises were still there, unless he was willing to undress himself in public (or that’s where he thought he was) and Keith wasn’t about to complain about this weird fact. There were stones and mud scattered on the ground, black as night, but when Keith looked up at the sky he understood. The soil was black as night because it was indeed night.

Probably.

The sky, however was not in the color he expected. It was a pleasant dark, royal purple with even darker clouds and Keith has always thought the Earth’s sky from his father’s shack was the best seat for a night show, but nothing could compare to _this._ Thousands of stars were shining, blinking and shimmering in front of his eyes. Not even that many could be able to be seen on his home planet even on a special place.

There was a huge colorful planet (or maybe a moon) with two rings around it crisscrossing in the distance, and two or three visible blue galaxies splashed onto the sky as if someone had dropped a bucket of sparkling paint on a purple canvas.

“Wow,” Keith breathed out, mouth open in amazement. This place was beyond his imagination, a picture perfect of the most gorgeous place that he had the honor of seeing. As if the definition of heaven had finally found a real vision in his mind and it was _this_ place.

Keith stood there, perhaps minutes or maybe even hours, admiring the landscape until he realized he should’ve looked at his surroundings sooner. But he was in no hurry, because Keith knew what was happening.

Another lucid dream. Again.

He didn’t know if he’d remember this one when he wakes up like from last week, but Keith found himself wishing he did anyways. This view was one in a million and the boy wanted it stuck in his brain like a permanent photo sealed in his memories forever.

Pushing himself on his palms, with no problem, Keith stood on his feet with no muscles burning or barking in agony. He smiled a little to himself.

His eyes flitted nearby and there was a tree in medium size, its crown of maroon leaves and flower buds that looked like they hadn’t blossomed yet. The slight wind made them sway to the west and Keith followed with his eyes towards the direction where he could see some twinkles of light, but he knew his vision would be better if he got a bit closer.

Light steps on that black mud, that Keith was sure it was soft as it looked, the boy carefully made his way towards the rounded edge of … whatever the hell this place was. It reminded him of the outside of a mountain, but Keith could not be sure when everything was so tall and he could barely see.

His worry about falling off was swept under the rug when Keith glanced underneath him.

_“Holy shit,”_ he said in awe.

A _city_ , a goddamn city, a whole new world, was laid right in front of him.

Continuing with the purple palette, there were all kinds of buildings, tall and short, wide and narrow, but so perfectly aligned next to each other that for a second Keith thought if this was done by some God’s hand. The city was light itself – every house was a star giving its own shine. It was built on green hills that were curving nicely like frozen sea waves in motion. Despite the obvious modern technology that burned through every cell in this place, the nature still had a home inside it. Trees and rivers with classical bridges of some kind of black, glittering gemstone with columns and graceful tendrils towards the sky.

The streets were full of distant noise and what it looked like aliens and transport machines of all sorts that Keith could see barely even with his better than human eyesight.

Keith wished he had a camera only so he could show Shiro that such a beautiful place like this existed. Lance, Pidge, Hunk and Allura were too much in love with their own planets and they’d never appreciate or admit that other locations in this wide universe were indeed better than Earth or Altea. Not that he’d seen Altea to have a decent comparison, but maybe if Allura or Coran take simple peek at this _diamond_ , they’d be convinced.

Keith looked even further at the depths below and noticed with astonishment another rounded edge just like the one he was standing on, down on his right. It was at fair height, enough that it would create a thrilling high jump, but still short for Keith as to not break his legs.

Just as he was about to take a leap at it, something … no, _someone_ was ahead of him and landed with such quietness and grace that if the figure wasn’t right in front of his eyes, he would think it was just a trick of the air, fooling his ears.

The person was dressed in a black, tight shirt with sleeves and a turtleneck tucked in leather pants just as tight and Keith could do anything, but _not_ notice the dagger strapped to their thigh. Keith’s eyes travelled up and down the body with approval. That was someone who took care of their body occasionally just like him. Slender hands with strong biceps and legs. And scarily, there was something incredibly familiar about it.

And then he noticed them.

The white antlers.

The long, dark purple hair with blue locks that was let loose and reached _her_ waist.

_That was the Galra woman from his dream._

Keith could hardly forget about her for her whole build and personality were so specific. She wasn’t that tall although definitely taller than him by just an inch, but for sure small by Galran standards. But if he was guessing correctly, she probably wasn’t a full blood one anyways due to those antlers.

A hybrid.

_Just like him._

Keith watched intensely as she sighed and crossed her arms, leaning behind the muddy wall behind. Her hair was done in a simple hairdo – two front strands joined at the back while the rest of her thick hair fell down, curls dancing with the light wind. It reminded Keith of how similarly Allura was doing her hair and the reminder of today’s events hit him like a train again. How would he tell her?

The princess was set on destroying every single Galra that walked free in the universe. And now Keith was one of those Galrans. _Always has been._

Keith jumped down next to her, not surprised now that she didn’t react or notice him. He still failed to see how these … dreams, hallucinations or whatever worked if he could not control anything in it. No matter how hard he wished for something to happen, it simply didn’t. Keith was just left powerless to watch anything that happened in front of him.

He thought of how he asked Lance about it when he had awoken up in the middle of the night, wondering if he was going crazy.

Keith analyzed her face and it was mostly emotionless. Her right blue eye and left green one were looking down at the city, maybe taking it all in because she was on a mission once again. Although her gear was missing, he didn’t have any doubts she’d still be able to fight like a beast against anyone who dared to piss her off. Or maybe someone who’d try to steal.

A small noise cut the air and Keith got startled, but thankfully no one was around to make fun of him – and by no one he meant _Lance_. The Galran woman just rolled her eyes as if she already knew what was the reason or she was annoyed someone interrupted the peaceful silence she was in.

Out of nowhere, she pulled out a small silver square device that expanded in her hands. She clicked on a pink button and the face of a man appeared on the screen.

His skin was covered in very pastel purple fur, his eyes a typical Galran yellow, but his hair was in the color of wine red, pulled into a very difficult of combination of braids and twists, forming a very elegant bun at the top of his head.

“Auraline!” He screamed in delight as if perplexed that she answered his call.

_Auraline._ _That_ was her name. Not Aurora as he wrongly remembered.

“Hi Nelis,” and then she smiled. It didn’t reach her eyes, but undeniably it wasn’t a fake one. A tired, soft smile, but one nevertheless. “How are you doing? Heard you went to the B sector the other day.”

“Heh, I’m fine. My mother is too old to travel so it’s mostly me flying over to Turgas so I can see her,” he sighed and Keith’s eyes widened when the man reached out to massage the back of his neck, his muscles coming into view. Even Shiro’s hardened biceps would look scrawny and funny next to this man’s. He didn’t want to imagine the pain if he ever received a punch from this Nelis. “How’s yours doing?”

Keith looked back over to Auraline. Her face grew significantly impassive and he rose a brow at that reaction.

“The usual.” A curt reply.

Keith looked back to Nelis, gauging what would his answer to that coldness. But something sad passed over his handsome features and all he did was to nod like he was understanding.

There was a pause between the two Galrans, a long one at that, but then all that came out of Auraline’s lips was, “Why’d you call?”

“Tonight me, Xinna and Leisa are going to Yunia–“

_“Yunia?”_ Auraline asked and pushed herself off the wall, suddenly excited to be having this conversation. And of course, her friend noticed and took advantage of it, a small smirk on his mouth.

“Mm, Yunia yes. They have the best night entertainments in the galaxy,” said Nelis, grin getting wider, and Auraline groaned at that. Keith wasn’t sure he wanted to know what were exactly those activities. “I heard Tristan might come.”

A suggestive wink followed that sentence and Keith felt slightly irritated. So many names of planets and people and places he didn’t know, every word confusing to him and melting his brain off as he desperately tried to understand. Was that Tristan a significant other? A crush? Keith couldn’t read Auraline’s thoughts which meant he was left by himself to figure it all out.

“I don’t care,” was all Auraline said, but perhaps too fast. Was it denial or actual indifference – Keith couldn’t tell. “When?”

“We are taking Xinna’s sister ship in two vargas,” informed the man.

Auraline pondered over that, her teeth catching onto her lower lip on the side. Her pointed fangs weren’t scarily big and Keith tried to feel his own with his tongue. Maybe that’s why he so occasionally cut himself on his teeth when he ate too fast or bit his lip too hard. His Galra genes just decided to bless him.

“I’m in,” said Auraline with a final and without waiting for a reply, she cut the connection between her and her friend. She tucked the device back from wherever she took it and closed her eyes. The woman breathed it and out a few times, and a loose electric blue tress fell on her beautiful face. She didn’t bother to tuck it away and Keith needed to know if she dyed her locks blue. Or maybe the blue hair was her natural color and she dyed it purple. Or perhaps her hair color was something completely different?

It looked cool anyways.

“C’mon pull yourself together,” she suddenly muttered angrily through her teeth. “Stop thinking about– _ugh!”_

The woman growled, sounding like an actual Galra and kicked the closest unfortunate rock next to her with surprising ferocity. It flew away with such speed, speed that sliced through the air and Keith hoped no one was passing underneath them, otherwise the collusion could be actually deadly.

After that small angry breakdown that Keith was all too familiar with, Auraline hopped down on the edge on her left, hurrying so she wouldn’t be late and Keith quickly scrambled to follow her.

Not wanting to miss whatever he was going to see.

Walking around a beautiful city alongside someone who can’t see or hear you was not something Keith expected.

He was never the one for the talking, especially with a stranger, but he found he had a lot of questions for many things around him. About the biggest building that was looming over Keith and unknowing Auraline, the strange looking cars and shops with signs, written in what he assumed was Galran. When he and the girl were still at the outskirts of the city, he couldn’t say if it was indeed a place where Galra lived. But he was proven right when the moment they had stepped into the living area, Keith was met with hundreds of Galra. Many of them were rather … untypical.

There were obvious couples who were holding hands and nuzzling onto each other. Parents with cheerfully screaming kids. Elderly smiling or walking alone, some supported by another Galra. It was bizarre, Keith thought. He’d never imagine the alien race he was supposed to slay was so happy and radiant. Regardless he still felt resentment at them. Here they were, unaware or not, of how their military has been enslaving and hurting millions of innocent. Maybe even all of them were fighting on the battlefield and temporarily lived there.

How were they smiling and laughing, knowing the pain they’ve caused?

His stomach tightened when he remembered he was one of them. He was a Galra, half or not.

Auraline strolled on the streets with a confident step and no one batted a single eye at the obvious weapon she was carrying. However, Keith noticed fairly quickly on why. There wasn’t a single soul that didn’t harbor any kind of defense on their bodies. And judging on how all of them were muscular – some of them probably didn’t even need one. A pistol, a gun or a knife on a hip was the most common sight, but Keith also saw rifles or swords on their backs. It made him shudder. These people were more violent than they looked and Keith realized with a rising nausea that he was the same.

Going nowhere without his blade. And not just because it was the only thing left from the mother he never knew, but because it brought him comfort. A feeling of safety that he could protect himself any time without worrying about a weapon.

Keith was a lot closer to his Galra side without even realizing. It didn’t bring him happiness, though.

They swerved into different streets and avenues and finally found themselves into a part of a neighborhood if Keith judged correctly. It took at least twenty minutes on foot to get to this final destination. He wondered if Auraline had one of those cool bikes or a car. Maybe she liked this better.

There were tall and big houses spread out until the end of the street. Taking so much space it reminded Keith of small castles – white, black, purple with some blue here and there. At the end of the street stood out perhaps the hugest house out there. In a very soft periwinkle color, with beautiful black twirls and curls drawn on the outer walls. It was hovering on everything like a sleeping giant and Keith had to crane his neck upward with every step as they were getting closer towards it.

“Oh ho ho, the military officer is here. Everyone hide!” An unfamiliar voice called and Keith looked on his right from where it had come from.

On one of the porches stood a group, all Galra with different features. The one who had yelled was an unsurprisingly big one with bulging muscles on his arms that he had crossed in front of his chest. He was smiling wickedly like he knew something bad you didn’t. “Auraline, my dear, aren’t you supposed to be kissing Zenga’s ass like always? Or did you do that to trees and the rocks already?”

Everyone in the group snickered and Keith frowned. He couldn’t figure out if this was supposed to be friendly teasing or actual maliciousness.

“Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Mephiok?” Growled Auraline. She was tense and Keith could see her fingers twitching as one hovered on the blade stuck on her thigh. Like she was already preparing to flee into a battle against him no matter the outcome. “At least someone will actually do it.”

Some of the Galra in Mephiok’s group laughed at that and Keith felt himself grinning when Mephiok’s expression morphed into smugness to anger after that response. He glared at those who snickered, but they paid him no mind and didn’t seem intimidated by any means. Perhaps this Mephiok guy was all bark and no bite.

Auraline scoffed and turned her back on him, already walking away before she could give him the chance to say something again. Keith tried to stay back, curiosity getting the better of him, but after one long minute of silence and no one spoke up, Keith decided to follow Auraline again.

When his eyes searched for her he found her just at top of the stairs where the biggest house was, the pastel blue one. She entered it with a hand scan and Keith’s legs immediately ran after her, scared he won’t be able to get in time with her and he’d be forced to stay outside. He was just a few inches away when the doors closed themselves with a thud right in front of his eyes.

“No,” Keith exhaled in anger and groaned out loud. He raised his fist, already knowing it’d hurt from the impact as he brought it down for a hit when–

It went right through the metal. Of course. He wasn’t really physically there which meant he could go anywhere he wanted. Keith didn’t feel anything as he pushed his whole body towards, eyes closing on reflex, but opened them when nothing happened. It simply felt like a stronger string of wind blowing harder in his face.

The entrance of the house was as beautiful as it was on the outside. With a high ceiling, polished floors and twisting stairs. Everything was wide and clean, like a tiny ballroom. There was a small fountain in the middle of the room, blue water coming out of it like the one Keith and the rest drink back in the Castle of Lions.

Auraline’s back was in front of him, but it didn’t seem important as he gazed up to the second floor, a huge Galran female leaning onto the white railing. She was maybe even muscular than Nelis, in a dark blue fur with similar blue furry ears coming out of her sides – not from the top of her head like with the most of her species. Those yellow eyes, with no irises or pupils, stared back with anger and disapproval so strong, that Keith almost averted his gaze away. Her hair was in the color of ink, short with an undercut except for a left long tress which was a small braid hanging from her nape. It was on her left side, almost reaching her shoulder.

“Evening, mother,” Auraline spoke and bowed her head slightly, arms locked behind her back.

“Where were you?” The question was like a block of ice. Lifeless and cold.

Keith took some steps forward so he could stand next to Auraline. “At the mountains. I had to … clear my head.”

The older woman clicked her tongue, a poisonous glare on her hard face. She pushed herself from the railing and went down the stairs. Even from the way she walked, the weight and authority vibrating off her, Keith could tell she knew more than hundreds of ways to break bones or torture her enemies. Now _this_ was a type of Galra he was familiar with. Her steps followed an invisible rhythm of a military march as she walked towards the lower floor.

“How many times do I need to repeat myself? Your days in which you can run off to wherever you want are _over_ , Auraline. Why aren’t you training like all of your other comrades?” Her outfit was of some weirdly advanced leather fabric that reminded Keith of the Marmora suit. There were pistols on her hips and a similar dagger on her thigh just like her daughter. “You are a part of the military now. It took me decaphoebs to turn you into _this_ , child. I don’t want your foolish games to embarrass me in front of the officials and turn my hard work into dust.”

“Yes, mother. I am sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Auraline’s head was still high, eyes not blinking or moving even when her mother stepped in front of her. This conversation was a replica of all the times Iverson yelled at him for talking back or misbehaving. This wasn’t the normal mother – daughter interaction, Keith thought.

It reminded him too much of a military superior talking down on a simple soldier.

Her mother stared her down for a few seconds, sizing her own daughter as if _she_ was an imposter in her own home. Auraline’s back was rigid, obviously not daring to move a single inch. Keith felt a pang of sympathy travelling through him. If this was how all the Galra were raised, maybe it made some sense on why they were all such bloodthirsty killers.

Auraline’s mom hummed. “Good.”

It made Keith wonder for a second if his mother was the same. And if she was – perhaps he had some luck regarding his childhood as unbelievable as it sounded. A life without a mother was better than having one that treated you like this.

She then turned on her heels and stepped in the direction of one of the corridors. Auraline didn’t waste any second to follow after her.

The hallway they entered was of black wood all around, pictures on the walls of other scowling Galra, all in armor or holding a weapon. The exit led to a metal door which the taller woman opened with a touch of her hand and a code of numbers.

Keith’s eyes adjusted to the sudden light almost immediately and he looked all around, taking in the new room. A long desk with carefully arranged papers, books and devices on it along with polished weapons and gadgets. The obvious office was mostly bare with two bookshelves and chairs perfectly put on all of their respectful places.

Auraline’s mom immediately took a seat in the huge chair behind her desk. She opened a device and began typing furiously fast. Then those loveless yellow eyes, in the color of sulfur, bore right into her daughter.

“You have a mission in one movement. A close general of mine in the ranks told me and it is probably going to be a test for yours and the other’s abilities. You better be the first or else I’ll consider throwing you back into the Pits.”

Keith furrowed his eyebrows and squeezed his fists in anger. What kind of parent could dare to say this to their child? He wasn’t the first person who’d come to someone’s mind about family relationships, yes, but this … this was _ridiculous_. He’d had enough years with his wonderful father to know that a parent should be loving and supportive of their kid. Not … threatening them with pits and other horrible outcomes if they didn’t fulfill their parents’ wishes.

He almost wished he was real only so he could give this woman a piece of mind. Even if her whole palm was the size of his head.

“I’ll try my best, mother.”

“Zenga contacted me the quintant before,” she said instead and leveled her daughter with a nasty stare.

Keith didn’t have time to remind himself who Zenga was when he was assaulted with a clear memory of his dream before.

_‘_ _Master Zenga is currently wandering around with a quizacking bomb and you’re going to ruin everything again with your attitude.’_

Mephiok also had said, _‘_ _Aren’t you supposed to be kissing Zenga’s ass like always?’_

“And?” Auraline prompted with a hint of curiosity. The first emotion she has shown since she stepped into this house.

“And _nothing_ , Auraline.” The woman spat with rage. “Nothing just like always. You always come here, praising yourself, saying how you’re the best fighter from all the cadets. But you come back here with empty hands every single _time_!”

As she yelled the last word, the woman emphasized her fury even more as she banged on the desk with a strong hand, rising from her chair. All the items on it jumped slightly at the force and Keith saw with the corner of his eye as Auraline twitched … no, _flinched_ slightly at the action.

_Oh, no._

“Your last mission on Yunia was successful and for what?” The woman’s lips curled in disdain, fangs sharp like razors as if promising to cut flesh. “For everyone to receive higher ranks and continue their training except for _you_.”

“But mother, listen, there was a woman that–“

“Oh shut up, will you?!” She snarled. “Leave your pathetic love stories behind and for once realize that this life is no animals, and trees, and grass! Stars above, you’re just like that idiotic father of yours!”

She growled and banged with an iron fist on the surface again. Keith was expecting from the counter to shatter after those two hits.

Then she pointed a clawed finger at her daughter. “Being a Galra, _especially a half one_ , means you will always have a target on your back! You have to be the strongest, the stealthiest – _the best!_ I will not tolerate anything less in my house!”

Auraline’s shoulders slumped and Keith’s eyes tracked the movement of the fingers behind her back twitching, clenching and unclenching like she was itching to run away. Keith had that urge too.

“Now get out of my sight. I have work to do.” Concluded the mother and sat heavily back in her chair, grabbing a tablet. She waved her carelessly, like a royal dismissing a servant or a maid. Keith couldn’t imagine being so empty of soul. How can you have a daughter, _a family_ and treat it like dirt? As if it wasn’t worthy of her time.

Keith saw Auraline nodding and leaving as quick as possible.

Keith stayed back again. Waiting for the mother to raise her head, sigh or maybe show any sign of regret after this fight. He desperately wanted to see the face of an actual mother who surely loved her child in her own sick, twisted way.

But nothing came. She just did her work, scrolling and writing.

And not once did she look up to the spot at where her daughter stood.

When Keith went through that door – that soothing darkness met with him again. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, floating and floating, mulling over what he saw.

He dropped again.

Then a hiss and the sound of the air passing through his ears as he fell and fell again … only for strong arms to catch him under his armpits, preventing Keith from falling flat on the cold ground.

Keith looked up groaning, baffled and dizzy, at the picture of Lance holding him like he was a doll without someone pulling his strings. He clutched his pounding head, but he could no longer feel the splitting pain of the bruises.

The boy flashed him a grin. “See now that wasn’t so bad, was it? You stayed in there like a champ, Mullet.”

_‘_ _I’ll stay here for when you get out.’_

I’ll stay I’ll stay I’ll stay

Keith only leaned towards the other, smiling a tiny smile to himself. He half listened to Lance’s rambling and stupid teasing, when he remembered Allura staying for the night when they talked about books; when she trusted him enough with her insecurities and fears.

But now Lance.

Lance who was still holding him as he promised he would, caught him when he fell even when he knew the truth about him. Lance said he’d _stay_ and he _did_.

And for the first time in years … Keith was sure this was the exact feeling of having friends was supposed to be like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I start not shutting the fuck up – I have a really important question for you all! Do you guys prefer : LONG CHAPTERS (over 10k words) WITH LONG PERIODS OF TIME BETWEEN POSTING? OR … SHORT CHAPTERS (under 10k words) WITH SHORTER TIME UPDATES? I hope you guys say your opinions, because I’m in a huuuge dilemma lmao
> 
> I’m not gonna lie – this chapter completely bit me in the ass. And to be honest, I’m not really proud of it. At least that’s how I felt it. Although I put my heart & soul I don’t think I did a good job with this one, sorry :( The first one still remains my favorite, but we shall see what lies ahead in the future! <3 Nevertheless your comments, kudos and hits kept me motivated, so don’t be shy and say whatever you guys want!
> 
> I also made my main twitter an author one so you can follow me if you want? If I gain big following I might post some sneak peaks or little stories between updates! - @carstairssbitch
> 
> My tumblr : aelinsbiceps  
> My other fic : **[boyfriend ♡](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445864/chapters/51104218)**


	4. live while we're young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was a losing battle and they both knew it. A memory clashed behind his eyes. 
> 
> Keith’s empty eyes and his own broken _‘Please’_ when Lance wanted to go back and fetch his blade that was thrown to the side in the Red Lion. That blade, that was a part of Keith _himself_ , hurled away like an unwanted object. As if the Red Paladin couldn’t look at it anymore and be reminded he was a Galra. As if Keith could be tossed away just like that, with no care at all.
> 
> Something in Lance snapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, you beautiful angels! ✨ i am back with a chapter that is not that long (i don't think 13k words is long compared to all the monsters I've created before), but i am still hoping you'll like it! apologies — but this chapter doesn't have any klance interactions for which I'm absolutely sorry for and i know that you've all came for this exact content so i understand if you're actually rolling your eyes rn 😔💕.
> 
> the thing is, this story has always been planned to be more than klance ever since the moment i started creating the idea. while the center and the main story is about the boys, they're still parts of story that is just bigger than them. i can't create a forbidden love au without putting on some roots on WHY it's forbidden. i could've easily just made it up as some weird rule established during alfor's time that allura demands is followed which is absolutely ridiculous and fucking stupid lmao. so please, bare with me on this long journey (if you wish to be with me ofc) and i promise you that the actual good food awaits you all. I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit boring, but things like this are kind of required if you want the story to make sense and be good. I hope I've made it interesting enough and easy to understand. ♡
> 
> KISSES AND ENJOY! 💝

#### chapter III - live while we're young

It was barely two weeks after Shiro had gone missing, when another dream occurred again.

Lance strangely even wondered when it would be the next time he would see the pretty Galran girl. He still couldn’t figure it out, how his brain worked, when it gave him these weird lucid dreams about someone he’d never met. Who was she? Was she from the deep, deep roots of his imagination? Was she a product of him going insane while he was living in space? Maybe even the Blue Lion was the one who made these bizarre episodes up and just used them as a plan to banish the nightmares away. Kept Lance sleeping better even when he was still exhausted after he awoke every single time.

This time, his consciousness was in a different place and a different time setting than the last two times. No rocks, dirt or mud. Although he couldn’t feel anything yet again, Lance could recognize the simple softness of sand whenever he went. He was raised by the beaches of Cuba and studied in the middle of the desert. There was no way in hell he’d mistake what was underneath him even after a side effect.

Looking around the area, his eyes surveying on everything before thinking of moving forward. Observe and then act, was what Shiro had always told them if Lance or his teammates found themselves on an unknown place. Their leader would pointedly throw a glance at Keith’s reaction when he said that, but the Red Paladin only ignored him or rolled his eyes.

He didn’t realize he was smiling, until he felt that smile dropping. Shiro was still gone even if Lance was sleeping and wandering alone in his own head. The reality of him gone was still fresh in his mind and Lance couldn’t say he was particularly happy about it. He’d rather wish he stayed unaware at least here. And when he started thinking of Shiro, he began wondering about Keith and … nothing good came after thinking about the hot headed boy these days. It either caused Lance a headache or a buzzing feeling in his stomach.

There was a motion behind his back that had Lance’s shoulders tensing. He turned around faster than a lightning, eyes looking up just on time to see the small, but compact elegant ship landing down gently. The sand flew away from it like smoke, creating small vortexes of grits and gravel and Lance barely contained his surprise when the bottom of the ship opened and someone _jumped down_ , apparently not waiting patiently enough for the aircraft to get down.

They were really short and in a _freaking dress._ Lance inched forward to take a better look and stood there gaping like a fish at the sight. She was a Galra, certainly _not_ Auraline, since her skin was smooth in the color of magenta. She was furless and had ears that resembled Altean ones, each one of them pierced with sparkling earrings and studs.

Her dress was of shiny satin white, reaching until the middle of her thighs, and a very deep neckline with two straps covering her solid breasts. The woman’s figure wasn’t skinny nor thin – quite the opposite actually. Her legs and thighs were muscular travelling up to a wide waist. She had fat, awesome curves and was looking athletic, her arms sturdy and bulky. And in one of them she was carrying what looked like black heels.

The more Lance was getting closer, the more details he could notice. Her chin-length hair was electric blue, glossy and strengthened, shone under the stars whenever she moved her head. Eyes were yellow, bottomless with black kohl surrounding them. Lance couldn’t say if she was a full blood Galra, mainly because of her height since she was only reaching his shoulder. Even Keith was taller than her.

She bowed down to put on her shoes and Lance refrained to look at her. The woman was really beautiful, that was for sure, but he was not about to stare like a creep when she wasn’t aware someone was looking.

Soon enough, the ship landed perfectly on the ground and after a few seconds – three figures emerged from it. And surprisingly, two of the figures were already known to Lance. Even in the dark night and from feet away he could recognize the antlers that were emerging from Auraline’s head. It was such an unusual Galran appearance trait and Lance got reminded of how every alien species were different from one another. Just like the humans. Different shades of skin, some with fur, some with not. Another had horns or cat ears, maybe even antlers. It was truly fascinating and despite the fact that he knew there were good Galra out there – Lance wished there were more known to Voltron so he could learn more about them. They were very interesting.

Maybe he could know more even for Keith. And the Blade didn’t look like the sharing type.

Auraline was in the same attire as he last saw her in his dream. Black turtleneck shirt, black leather pants. Simple, but somehow it worked for her and her body. The guy next to her, the one who had called her and invited her was even bigger than he’d looked on the camera. Huge muscles that were the size of watermelons, chiseled body that was shown to the world perfectly due to his very revealing clothing. And finally, the woman next to him, a female Galra with curling white horns that resembled ram’s ones. It was as if Lance was gazing at Jean Gerome’s “The Bacchante”. She had very dark blue skin and her hair was a mixture of two colors.

It was not like Auraline’s, with random locks of blue, no. Hers was short and big, curling nicely at the ends, and was more of an ombré, with violet coloring her roots and blending in together mid-way with burgundy. It reached past her shoulders where she wore a shiny spandex crop top without sleeves in match with a short black skirt. It looked like something straight out of a BDSM club, but she managed to rock it in her favor so Lance couldn’t lie and say she didn’t look good.

Now _those_ were some attractive Galra that Lance wouldn’t mind flirting with at all.

“Xinna, are you okay? Holy shit, I can’t believe you actually did that!” Exclaimed the woman with the horns, clutching her stomach as she doubled in half, laughing. The guy whose name Lance forgot and Auraline chuckled along with her and walked towards the shortest of them all.

“Well you said I couldn’t and I never back down from a challenge,” Xinna flicked her hair with her hand and raised a brow at her friends. “Are you coming or what? I’m not going to wait all night for you snots to stop laughing, I have hot babes to seduce!”

Suddenly, Auraline broke into a spring, yelling as she passed Xinna, “Last one is a _jarkel_ that got shitted on!”

A scandalized gasp.

“Bitch! You know I can’t win while running with these!” Growled the blue haired, but nevertheless ran after her friend with the high shoes sinking into the ground. She definitely wasn’t the losing type for sure.

Lance giggled at their antics. It reminded him of his friends; precisely of he and Pidge. She was understandably not in the best mood lately, drowning in work over finding Shiro. She skipped meals and didn’t sleep on some days and sometimes Lance was the only one who could make her. It broke him to see his best friend so down and unhopeful. Vacant without her fiery sass and smart babbling that Lance pretended he hated.

“You know we don’t have to run, right?”

The voice of the bulky male spoke over the silence as they slowly tried to walk on the deep sand which swallowed their feet. Lance couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to walk, let alone _run_ in these dunes. He was fixing the bun on his head and threw a sheepish grin at the woman walking next to him, the one with the horns, as if asking her not to join the others.

She stopped abruptly and looked up at him funnily. Lance was calmly walking behind them, hands in his jacket pockets, but also gazing down at where he could see the life of another city. It was smaller than the previous one, but more burning and alive. He was able to hear the faint music that boomed all around like a beating heart and other hundreds of aliens around them landing their own ships or running down to that slide made of sand. They all laughed or yelled, eager to taste the night life of this place.

Maybe this Yunia planet was the space equivalent of Vegas.

Lance laughed at himself when that thought entered his mind.

“I don’t know, do we?” Asked the woman, smirking, and when Lance looked down at her legs, he saw that instead of heels she wore something that resembled combat boots that reached her knees. Perfect for running.

The man realized that too late.

_“Leisa!”_

She yelled something back that Lance couldn’t hear when she also ran forwards, where the starry city could satisfy their young hearts. Her friend sighed exasperatedly, but jogged after a few seconds of walking.

Scared that he might lose the only connection to his weird dreams – Auraline – Lance took his hands out of his pockets and drew near the edge where they all disappeared in hurried steps. All around him aliens whooped in delight and threw themselves over like they had nothing to lose.

As if a war wasn’t ruining everything all around them.

How long did those beings had until the Galra, the evil ones who crushed everything good in their big palms, found this place? Lance couldn’t decide if those here were too foolish or ignorant to celebrate when Lance and his friends were currently sacrificing their lives for them and were losing everything. _Losing Shiro._

The moment he looked over, Lance’s breath hitched. So many of them were sliding down as if this was snow on a winter day and they could sleigh all day. Many were rolling, other fell and Lance caught a fair doze of couples making out.

But could Lance really judge them? Could he judge the small amount of happiness they’ve found in the midst of all this … chaos and depression? Wasn’t _he_ the one fighting for this? For all these aliens to have the chance to be free and alive so they could play tag with their friends and go clubbing? To have the simple opportunity to kiss and love and laugh?

Lance’s anger vanished like a cloud of hot breath on a cold night, immediately replaced by remorse.

What was he thinking? He was a Paladin for heaven’s sake! How could he be so jealous over these innocent people who were only trying to live their life and not think about the war for a quick second? Only because he couldn’t have the same? He was pathetic.

“Krasna! Stop, _stop_ please _I will fall–_ ,” a girlish squeak came out from his right and Lance gazed to see two girls trying to slide together on a jagged piece of metal. “Krasna, I will murder you if you even think abo- _AAAAH!“_

She couldn’t finish before the taller girl behind her laughed towards the sky and tightened her hold on the other against her chest as she pushed them over. Lance felt his mouth stretching as he watched them sliding and sliding until they toppled over and fell onto the sand where they kissed passionately.

It looked fun.

No one could see him or hear him. So why Lance shouldn’t try this out too?

So he stripped himself of his jacket and tied it around his hips. Then he heard a group somewhere behind him setting up a competition for who’d get to the bottom faster and Lance joined them even when he knew if he wins it’d be pointless because of his invisibility.

And when the girl at the front yelled ‘GO!’ Lance ran like his life dependent on it; ran like there were Galran soldiers chasing him or a Pidge, angry about her stolen headphones. He could even feel the air for a second as he breathed in, chest aching for some reason, but he didn’t care. He ran and he laughed while doing it, becoming in one with everyone next to him. The edge was getting closer and closer. The nearer they approached it, the louder aliens started screaming joyfully.

Then the edge came and without a doubt found in him, Lance lurched over.

Time became nothing, _he_ became nothing, as gravity was still getting him in its claws even in a dream. But Lance still didn’t give a damn.

Instead he let out the loudest laugh ever, real and earnest, that he wouldn’t have been surprised even if someone heard him through this imaginative veil between those worlds.

He fell on the sand, scrunching his eyes still, and maybe the dream’s side effects were helping him or maybe that’s what everyone felt, when the impact happened. Lance had never fallen on clouds, but he could bet some solid money that if he tried – this would be the exact same feeling. Everything was soft, warm and Lance glided on his back, speeding up like a plane taking off.

He was an eighteen year old boy, caught up in a war he never signed up for. He lost one of his friends because of it; lost Shiro, their support and rock. Leaving his family behind was yet another pill he could never swallow and he desperately wished they had hope in Lance.

Because he _would_ get back home.

He would kiss Malena and Toni, smother Angeline, Gabriel and his dad in tight hugs and never let go of his mother again. He would see the Cuban beaches again and his feet would feel the earth sand beneath him once more.

His hand found the cross and Lance squeezed it tight in his palm, nails digging in painfully as Lance laughed while his body was skimming through the sand close and close to where there was an end.

But this relieving feeling was not ending soon.

And if he was first in this stupid competition, well, no one really seemed to notice.

* * *  
  


Lance surprisingly had no problem finding the friendly Galran group after that fiasco he pulled off by himself. They were walking on the streets of Yunia, slowly, but surely like they already knew where they were going. And maybe they did. He was just a follower after all.

He still didn’t know why he felt particularly attached to Auraline, after all he could’ve just left and be on his way, explore this new world around him. But there was something in his chest pulling him towards her – like he was fish caught in the sea.

Everything in this city was colorful, bright and alive. The aliens, all dressed formerly in seemingly expensive clothes, dripping in jewels and expressive hairdos that Lance wouldn’t think of in his wildest imaginations. Lance couldn’t pinpoint how the natives of this planet looked like yet. There were all types of species flooding every area and building. And as surprising as it was like the first time, the first dream – no one batted an eye at the Galra who were yelling and laughing almost all of the time. The most reactions they caused while passing were either intimidation or awe, eyes full of wonder.

But never _fear_. Not once would someone flinch at the sight of them or cower down.

Strange.

At last they arrived at a wide black building with blinking white lights on the front and an impressive line in front of its doors. Even Lance could feel the music’s strong vibrations coming off from below his feet.

“Are you serious? Xinna, I am _not_ about to wait for more than five doboshes just to get into a club,” grumbled the horned girl – Leisa – and she crossed her arms, cocking her hip to the side. There was a sign on the roof, in a language Lance had never seen, made of shining white crystals. “There are so many of these all around the city, surely we can find another one?”

Xinna turned her head behind her as she was standing in front of them, already walking in the wrong direction. Walking on a path that didn’t lead to the entrance or behind the last alien waiting to get inside.

Then she smirked.

“This is the best place in whole Yunia for parties and you want _me_ to settle down for anything less? You offend me.”

Auraline giggled in her hand and eagerly trailed after Xinna. Lance was glad to see her back into her happy mood, especially afterwards that encounter she had with her cruel mother. Or maybe she was just pretending in front of her friends.

Sadly, Lance was too familiar with that feeling.

“Oh no, I know that face,” said the male Galra, groaning. “It’s the _‘I have a really stupid plan’_ face.”

Xinna guided them into an alley that seemed to lead on the side of the building. Lance couldn’t pick up any scents in the air, but the corners at the end looked dirty and wet so he was thankful that his sense of smell didn’t follow him into this dream for the sake of his nose. The walls were scratched, torn out posters hanging on barely.

There was a tall silver door at the end of the corridor, behind carton boxes perhaps with the purpose of hiding this same entrance. It had a pad for a hand scan near the lock, but no one seemed to try to touch it.

Xinna turned to look up at the guy with a raised eyebrow and as Lance got closer, he noticed she had a tattoo near her ear.

“Nelis, you know we can just leave you here, right? Stop whining.”

She then clapped her hands and started rubbing them, looking around like a villain out of some cartoon show. She was probably checking for intruders. Lance knew he could easily get inside the club, since he was invisible and could travel through any obstacle. But a part of him was curious of how the four of them would get in without waiting on the ridiculously long line of dressed up aliens or turning on the security alarm. Such fancy and famous place probably had millions.

“Auraline, star of mine, you will get us in,” Xinna finally announced cheekily and along with everyone else, Lance could hardly mask his surprise.

Auraline’s head jerked down to look at Xinna, eyes big and confused.

“What? Why me?”

Xinna winked at her friend and pointed at the door with her clawed finger. “I made contact with my cousin last movement. She isn’t working tonight, but guess who has a shift? And is guarding this _exact_ sector.”

The silence stretched between the friends, but no one seemed to catch up on who was Xinna was talking about. And if _they_ were confused, then Lance was downright puzzled. Nelis just put his fingers under his chin while Leisa’s brows scrunched together. Auraline simply kept staring at the short female, very obviously not understanding the reference.

Xinna’s slap to her forehead echoed around the alleyway loudly.

“You are all so stupid,” she deadpanned. She pinched her nose and gave them all a look. “Who is the only one we know that works here besides my cousin?”

After that question everything seemed to click on its places. Nelis and Leisa yelled in delight, pumping their fists in the air and then doing some sort of motion with each other’s hands that probably had the same significance as a high five.

But Lance stayed ever the oblivious, his eyes snapping to the door wondering what he was missing.

Auraline groaned towards the sky and began shaking her head in dismissal.

“No! Absolutely _not_!”

Her response was ignored by Xinna who reached up with her arms, shining bracelets tingling softly, and pulled off the thing that kept Auraline’s front hair strands behind which caused her whole hair, a pool of purple and blue, to fall down. It framed her face really well and it accented her cool antlers. Xinna ruffled the roots, being careful with her long claws Lance noticed, aiming for more volume.

“Xinna, I am not going to flirt with Tristan just to get you guys inside,” complained Auraline with now a Leisa helping her other friend into getting her look ‘hotter’ or whatever their purpose was. Leisa rolled up the sleeves of her shirt, which showed defined forearms due to Auraline’s military training.

Nelis joined in, a grin plastered on his face and arms crossed in front of his defined chest, “Come on, it’s just some innocent flirting. He would get us in the moment he sees you.”

“He’s just my friend. I don’t like leading him on like that,” said Auraline, sadness staining her words. Her gaze dropped to the ground as she nervously bit her lip.

Xinna stopped cleaning Auraline’s shirt from the sand that happened to stick from the fall. “Just friends don’t have sex, Auraline.”

_“Well me and Tristan do!”_ Snapped Auraline and wrenched herself a bit angry now from her friends’ grasps. There was a dark purple flush coloring her cheeks and some deep part in Lance’s brain asked him if Keith would also be able to blush like a Galra someday in the future.

There was a beat of shocked silence between Xinna, Leisa and Nelis, all staring bewildered at Auraline’s sudden outburst. But Lance was not surprised. She looked like she was about to explode any time soon. Maybe this was her breaking point.

“Look …” she began and sighed, scratching a spot behind her neck. It looked to Lance that she was bearing mix of embarrassment and anger. The embarrassment weighted more on the scale, for sure, but Lance could see the clear outlines of annoyance because of her friends getting in her business. “Tristan has told me about his feelings for me and he still agreed to us just keeping it physical. That was _his_ decision, but I am _not_ going to toy with his heart more than I already do. I’ll just ask him and if he says no – we will go in lane or go somewhere else. Understand?”

Everyone nodded silently, even Lance had to urge before he remembered he wasn’t really there. He looked at Xinna while Auraline went to call for this Tristan guy. She and Leisa looked rightfully guilty, Nelis looking worried more than anything else. Did this happen often? Did her friends pushed her too far sometimes and didn’t realize?

Lance left the trio behind and stepped to Auraline. She looked conflicted, but still raised a confident hand and pressed it to the pad that immediately started beeping when it probably didn’t recognize her.

She stepped back sheepishly and in an impressive, negative time, the door opened to reveal a man.

_And what a man he was,_ Lance thought as his heart fluttered a bit.

He was very beautiful, tall, but not too much, with lean and defined muscles which weren’t huge or too muscular. He looked like a male who simply trained well, but it wasn’t his main priority to look intimidating. His skin was of turquoise color, but a tad darker shade – aqua maybe. There were tattoo sleeves on both of his arms along with piercings on his brows and long ears that looked so much like fish fins. Hair was colored in dark blue, short and undercut, with very tiny black horns coming out of his front. They were as big as Lance’s thumb, maybe even smaller. Like devil’s ones.

His eyes, with only purple sclera, were glowering at Auraline. There was a necklace around his strong throat that swayed when he leaned forward.

“ _Listen_ , if you don’t want any trouble–“ He started to yell, but Auraline was fast enough and put her hand on his mouth.

“Tristan,” she said. “Calm down. It’s me.”

She then freed him when they both knew he recognized her.

_“Auraline.”_

Lance’s face scrunched in sympathy as he breathed out her name.

He breathed out her name like a prayer, like she was a goddess and he asked her for salvation. He might have as well just fell on his knees.

That was the voice of a man in love, the melody of a song that would be never be sung by a duet. Tristan’s face was like an open book, pages broadcasting with no care, his adoration for the woman in front of him. His eyes were glittering as he took her in, up and down, and Lance noticed how his hand, fingers connected with blue membrane between them, tightened on the door as if he was holding himself back from touching her.

Lance suddenly had a lot of respect for this guy, if going by Auraline said that he admitted his feelings and after a rejection – still went for whatever remains he could have.

He couldn’t decide if this was more crushing this man’s heart rather than satisfying it.

Lance suddenly understood why she refused to flirt with him. It would have been way too cruel.

“Li, what are you doing here? I haven’t seen you in … so long,” he said fevered with so many emotions. Tristan had sharp features, but gentle too if you knew where to look.

“I know,” she answered and when Lance looked at her, he could very see how painful it was for her to speak with him. She breathed in and exhaled. “I just thought you could do me a favor.”

Tristan looked very put out by this as he immediately leaned away from her, frowning. “I really can’t do anything right now–“

“Oh stars – no!” Auraline blurted out before he could finish, her hands flying in front of her face like his words were bothering insects. She was blushing. “I am not here for that.”

“Oh,” Tristan responded with and Lance couldn’t tell if this was disappointment on his face or maybe his face was just like this. The male alien looked up and finally saw that Auraline wasn’t alone. It looked like he made some calculations in his head, because it seemed that everything became clear as a day as he looked between them and her. _“Oh.”_

“I understand if you can’t because of your job,” Auraline began and she looked back at her friends. Then again at Tristan. “So if you tell us to fuck off, we won’t be mad. I promise.”

Tristan stood still, staring at Auraline, but it wasn’t for long before he gave out a quiet sigh. “Fine. Just don’t tell anyone I’ve sneaked you, alright? I might get in trouble for it.”

“Of course.”

A series of ‘thank you’s’ followed afterwards with Xinna, Nelis and Leisa hurrying towards the door quickly before Tristan changed his mind. He nodded at them politely, but his gaze never swayed away from Auraline, not even for a moment. It’s like she was an invisible force pulling him into her and he couldn’t fight against. It was pitiful to watch how Auraline didn’t even spare him a glance.

“Thank you, Tristan,” she whispered quietly and rested a purple hand on his blue shoulder. He was fast enough to put his own on top of her before she managed to slip it away.

“Is …” he then took a deep breath, leaning his face towards her. Lance watched how she subtly made a step backwards with Tristan not noticing. “Is everything okay with you? I know last time we saw each other didn’t end–“

Auraline pulled her hand back towards her and shook her head in dismissal. Tristan’s hurt expression wasn’t masked at all even when she looked up back at him. “I’d rather not to talk about it. Um … thanks again. See you.”

With that, she entered the darkness that was swirling inside the club, the music still a faint background on his ears. Tristan stayed glued on his feet and Lance wished he could talk to him. The matters of unrequited love were best known to him even after all these years, even after he turned into a Paladin. Tristan’s heart wasn’t on his sleeve at all, it was in Auraline’s hands, broken and desperate for the love she obviously couldn’t return.

Lastly, he closed the door behind him – that kicked expression never flying away from his features.

Lance’s mother, Catalina, used to say, “No puedes obligar a nadie a quererte, cariño. El amor no funciona así.” As she calmed him down after getting his heart broken by another person from his school. It always seemed that Lance was quick to give his heart away to the next person who gave him affection or a beautiful smile.

_You can’t force anyone to love you, sweetie.  
Love doesn’t work like that._

Lance entered through the door, thinking if Tristan had someone to tell him those words. Comforted him or stroked his hair.

But it was empty darkness that grabbed Lance in a chokehold and he woke up in his bed, eyes staring unblinkingly at the ceiling.

Another night, with another strange dream that made no sense at all _yet_ it had a connection with the previous ones.

It was a final now.

He _had_ to get the bottom of this.

* * *

Breakfast with the team nowadays really wasn’t what it used to be.

Usually, Lance was pretty excited for the morning to come as it generally was the only time in the day when he could actually chill. Galran attacks were very rare at this time of the day so he was always left assuming that they weren’t morning aliens at all.

It was a time where he could joke with all of his teammates, truthfully somehow ignoring the fact they were in a war and the tasks for today were ready to be done. Allura was also a lot nicer and laid back in the mornings, solely because she seemed to know if she brought up anything close to Galra or Zarkon on the table, everyone would just get up and leave.

Except for Shiro and Coran probably.

Two weeks, nearing on third, and still no sign of the Black Paladin or the Black Lion, in fact.

The mysterious disappearing of them both put the team into a lot of panic and worry, of course, and the most affected was no other than Keith. He didn’t seem to sleep or rest, scouting every area he could reach with Red, looking for his brother or whatever information he could find. And it wasn’t much, unsurprisingly. Shiro seemed to vanish magically in the thin air aftermath of the battle with Zarkon which supposedly killed him. With that, the Empire was quiet as ever so Lance and everyone else had the full advantage to search for their leader.

But there wasn’t anything they could grab onto for. Lance wasn’t losing hope yet, but it was hard to stay positive under such heavy circumstances. Hunk, when not on search duty, was stress cooking or helping Pidge. Keith and Allura could be found on the main deck often now, heads bent close and discussing on where Shiro could possibly be found.

Lance’s heart always screamed in protest at the sight of the princess and Keith together. He couldn’t figure out why. His feelings for Allura died out pretty quickly with the time where it was obvious she didn’t seem to consider him an actual romantic suitor. They were pretty comfortable with being friends now and he still jokingly flirted with her, but Lance always received a huff or a fond laugh from her. However, everyone pretty much noticed how quickly Keith and she cozied up together. He couldn’t crack the code if they were just friends or … something else.

Keith shared with him that night where he told him he was Galra – how worried he was about the reactions of the Alteans and the team. But Lance was not surprised when they all hugged Keith and told him it didn’t matter to them. Allura just threw her arms around his neck and whispered something in his ear that made Keith’s own arms tighten around her body.

Lance knew it was too good to be true.

And now he was dreading breakfast. Another day where it would be silent with Lance, Hunk and Coran attempting to make a conversation and include the rest into it. No success yet with Allura reading reports and updates from all galaxies and planets, eyes blinking rapidly, but blearily at her tablet screen. Or with Pidge, face emotionless or calculating as her small fingers were flying over the buttons of her laptop. Now she had not two, but _three_ people missing in her life. Lance’s heart ached for her. She was so small and young; she didn’t deserve this nor the purple spots under eyes from the lack of rest.

Keith didn’t even bother to show his face sometimes. There were days where Lance didn’t catch a sight of him all day.

And he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to look.

The doors in front of him opened while Lance was fusing with his curls and his eyes widened in surprise.

Coran was sitting on the head chair, eyes glittering with amusement, with Hunk and Pidge on his left – an empty chair between them, probably for him. There was yelling which didn’t sound like them truly arguing. It seemed to Lance like they were _angrily debating_ as Pidge had called it before. Like whenever they started having fiery scientific competitions on who was right about that or what processor was the best suited for a space computer. Gibberish that Lance simply always tuned out whenever it started.

Allura, for the first time ever, wasn’t reading. She was supporting her head with her left hand as she was smiling widely and affectionately at the Green and Yellow Paladins. It was perhaps for the first time in weeks Lance had seen her genuinely grinning. It made her look younger whenever she did it.

Keith, fucking _Keith_ whom was also here, mirrored her position, only difference that his right hand was the one prompted on the table surface.

“–esn’t start like that, Hunk! I’ve listened to it so many times and there’s no way it begins like that!” Lance caught Pidge’s remark about whatever they were arguing.

He raised an eyebrow at Coran who caught his stare and the older man just shrugged his shoulders. Great to know he wasn’t the only one confused here, despite arriving last.

“Yeah, _well_ , you began with the lines from the first chorus which just proves that you haven’t listened to it as much as I did!” Hunk fired back, waving with his spoon at her Pidge’s face, annoying her further, because she banged with a hand on the table like a little child. It didn’t impress Hunk at all who only gave her a deadpan stare.

“I’m younger than you _therefore_ my brain has more storage so I’m saying is that you’re wrong!”

“You totally bullshitted that, I’m like, two years younger than you! You always say that whenever you know you’re losing an argument!”

“Fuck off! I had a marathon with Matt before he went to Kerberos, I remember the lyrics like this!”

“Well you remember incorrectly–“

Lance intervened between them before it go too ugly, his body falling down on his seat.

“Hey, hey, yo! What the hell is happening?!”

Lance put both of his hands up in the air, motioning for them to calm down. He could see that it was true, they weren’t truly having a fight, but as the non-proclaimed leader of their trio he always felt like he had to step up when it was needed.

“Hunk here is underestimating my abilities of remembering songs – that’s what’s happening!” Pidge exclaimed, crossing her arms and slumping down in her chair. Lance on some weird instinct looked up at Keith across him. Sadly, that purple gaze wasn’t even on him, but on his plate of green goo which he idly was messing up with his spoon. He looked downright miserable. A frown found a place on Lance’s face.

These past two days, Keith simply shut down. No fiery remarks about Shiro not being dead or snaps that Lance should leave him alone whenever he offered he should sleep or stop training. Lance was worried about him.

Hell, he was worried about all of them. And he was useless. There was nothing he could do.

“I am not underestimating anything! You just remembered that line wrong,” said Hunk and Lance looked at his best friend quizzically.

“What the fuck?” Asked Lance. He was lost on what was going on. Judging by everything they’ve said so far, they were talking about music. Which was Lance’s expert area when it came to it, but it was early and that dream was still messing up with his head. Lance needed some help here to understand.

“Lance!” Hunk grabbed him by the arm, shaking him. Yes, it was way too early for this. Coran suddenly put a plate of goo in front of him and Lance shot him a grateful smile. “Lance, dude you know that one group right? The pop one with the British guys?”

Lance’s brain started calculating all the information stored up inside about all pop male groups he knew, when Pidge shrieked, “One Direction, you uncultured swine!”

Hunk threw his hands up in the air.

_“One Direction?”_ Lance asked while beginning to laugh hysterically. “ Isn’t that group like … older than your great-great grandmother?”

Hunk laughed at his joke and soon they were both chuckling whilst Pidge started jokingly punching him on the bicep, claiming how they were the best next thing after Backstreet Boys in pop music when it came to boy bands.

“So you’re guys fighting about a song of theirs?” Lance asked through a mouth of full goo after he calmed down enough when he knew he wouldn’t choke. He leaned back in his chair, arms behind him as he supported his neck. His eyes jumped between Hunk and Pidge who began shouting once again.

“Yes! _‘Live While We’re Young’_! But Hunk claims that I have the lyrics of the second verse wrong,” Pidge was glowering and Lance’s grin almost split his face in two from how wide it was.

“That’s because you did! I don’t remember how it begins either, but you sang the lyrics from the first verse! I am two hundred percent sure,” Hunk said back, like it was a final and chinned up like he was some stuck up diplomat. Lance threw his head back and laughed even louder. He heard Allura and Coran joining in too. Only Keith stayed unresponsive as ever, but Lance could see the subtle shift in his body. Like he was now listening to the conversation.

Pidge turned with pleading eyes to Lance whom only put his hand in surrender. “Sorry Pidgeon I know some oldies, but not those types of oldies.”

She grumbled a curse at him. But then she started singing, “Live while we’re young tun tun dun and then the second verse went something like _‘Hey, girl I’m waiting on ya-_ “

Hunk cut her off before she could continue, “THAT’S THE START OF THE SONG!”

“You just said you don’t remember!” Pidge yelled again and Lance sighed heavily, however, Allura just kept giggling into her fist.

“Ugh, whatever, who gives a shit?” Lance pushed Pidge’s face away with his hand that was getting close to his and ignored her shriek.

Something warm settled deep into his bones and Lance felt a ping of familiarity. _This_ was supposed to be every breakfast – full of stupid arguments, laughter and talks about old songs. It would be better if Shiro was here, it didn’t feel as complete or perfect when he wasn’t on his own chair, next to Keith. He was the piece of the puzzle that they needed so they could feel like a family. Yes, they could function just fine, but … it wasn’t the same. Although the function part couldn’t be exactly true. They couldn’t form Voltron without him and Black. Which were both absent.

Allura managed to get a word in and ask Hunk about boy bands on Earth since apparently they had the same thing on Altea.

It was silent for a few minutes, but it was comfortable. Cozy. Lance could imagine he was back on Cuba, an early morning breakfast with his parents who loved the quiet. Sipping coffee and watching the sun rise over the beach, its rays warm even when the air was cool.

It was silent until a voice arose over it.

_“Hey, girl, it’s now or never – it’s now or never, don’t overthink just let it go.”_

A voice.

_Keith’s_ voice.

Lance snapped his head up and he felt the whole team doing the exact same thing. There was a sound of something gushy falling and Lance saw with the corner of his eye that Hunk’s goo fell from his mouth, that was open in a gape. Pidge was frozen on his left, hand midway to typing something on her laptop. Coran and Allura simply stared.

Keith met all of their gawks with a confident gaze, but Lance still noticed the pink coloring on his pale cheeks. His arms were crossed tightly and his finger twitched where it was holding a small part of his jacket. He looked ready to flee.

His voice was raspy, but not in the bad way. He sounded as if he wasn’t used to sing very loudly, but nevertheless he sounded _good_. Lance had caught his teammate humming sometimes in the Red Lion when he thought that no one was listening or when the coms were on and Keith just didn’t know. It was sickeningly endearing and Lance never found it in himself to say something about it. How could he?

A smile began creeping on Lance’s face and Keith met it with a scowl, cheeks and nose getting redder with each second that was stretching out while everyone was refusing to speak up.

“Oh my-“

_“GOOODDD!”_

“Of course it was that! How could I forget!” Pidge was excited and was almost on the way to jump over the table so she can tackle Keith, but Lance was swift and grabbed her torso, pulling her back on her chair. “Keith, dude you’re a fucking _genius_! Ugh where have you been?”

Keith gave her a small sheepish smile and shrugged. It was such a cute action and somehow Lance’s heart leaped at that. _Shit._

Hunk out of nowhere started to sing, _“And if we get together, yeah get together-“_

“DON’T LET THE PICTURES LEAVE YOUR PHONE! AHHHH YES HUNK SING IT!”

Soon the kitchen was filled with the sounds of Hunk and Pidge singing off key, their voices in contradiction with Keith’s soft, raspy voice. Allura and Coran clapped trying to be in rhythm, which was hard with the friend’s awful, but charming performance. The two Paladins scrambled out of their chairs and proceeded to dance and use their sporks as microphones. Lance put his thumb and index finger in his mouth and whistled loudly and appreciatively when his friends finished. Pidge and Hunk bowed at the audience and Allura stood up excitedly, telling them to encore.

It was a small moment.

A moment where they had the opportunity to be themselves; to be the kids who were too young for the heavy armor and their bayards. Soldiers who had to suck it up and move on. Paladins that couldn’t afford to be distracted or goof off.

But here they were. Having fun despite all the ugly circumstances and the harsh reality.

Lance, grinning widely with his teeth visible probably, looked at Keith whom was the first one who rose from his chair and left the table.

But not before Lance caught the huge smile that was shining brightly on his face. Exactly like that morning Cuban sunrise Lance had missed and loved so much.

It was a slow discovery when Lance realized how much he’d missed Keith’s smile just as much.

* * *

Catalina González has always claimed that Lance had been half fish the moment he was born.

And maybe she was speaking the truth this whole time because he has never felt more at home than when he was swimming in the water. Either the Cuban beaches or the Garrison pools – they were always places where Lance could actually feel absolutely free. Nothing to hold him down, no insecurities or ill thoughts. Just him and the water together in a perfect unison. It was no surprise at all to him when Allura announced that his precious Blue was the Guardian of the water. If only his mother could see him. She’d probably huff and roll her eyes knowingly.

And then scold him for running off in an alien lion without telling her.

His arms burned with the intensity as they went up and down symmetrically, merging through the water. The butterfly stroke had been one of his favorites when swimming since it required no mistakes in the technique. His coach back in Cuba had always complimented his skills as a swimmer and Lance always felt pretty confident in his abilities as one. The trophies and all the medals in his room proved all of that.

His head broke the surface as he took a fast, but long breath. The butterfly had a short window for breathing during the swim and if you missed it then it became very difficult to continue afterwards. Lance had learned this in the hard way.

Lance’s shoulders rolled upwards and dived underwater again.

Head up. Head down.

Arms rolling, his palms tearing the water in front of him, shoulders aching familiarly. His body rolled perfectly as he kicked his legs, dolphin style with his knees bending.

It was comforting, all this rhythm where he had to _focus_. He couldn’t distract himself with thoughts about Shiro or the strange dreams. Of how incompetent and stupid he felt. He couldn’t distract himself with thoughts about Keith.

The feeling of his muscles stretching was amazing, as his core, while Lance touched the wall of the pool. He pushed himself against it and dove underwater again. He didn’t know how long he was in here, just swimming and swimming. He felt no one could touch him, here where the water was the only one who could. Gently and lovingly.

Maybe on his sixth or seventh lap he noticed something small and green on his way back. He immediately recognized the figure of his friend.

_Pidge._

Today they were paired together for the yet another scouting mission, looking for Shiro. They both knew they weren’t going to find anything, but hope was always the one dying out last, right?

As he was edging closer to the edge of the Altean pool, he decided to finish off with a freestyle.

Pidge was looking tired, her head hanging low while her feet were down chilling in the water. Her glasses were gone, which made her look way more innocent and child-like than when she was wearing them. She was dressed in that green swimsuit with black stripes that Hunk bought for her in one of the stops at the space malls. She was scrolling on her phone idly so Lance teasingly pinched her leg as he propped his forearms on the edge.

“Ugh, Lance,” she grumbled and splashed him a little with her foot. Lance noticed all the small freckles along it. He found it really adorable that she was covered in them. It made him a bit more confident in his own, knowing there was someone on the team who also had some.

Keith had some too, his mind supplied unhelpfully.

They were really light and little, scattered like stars on his small nose, but he’d noticed when Lance patched him up when he found him beaten up, sleeping alone in the unresponsive Red Lion. Lance admitted to himself that he watched a bit creepily his teammate during that. He remembered the fondness and then the surprising anger when he saw all the bruises and scratches on his face.

And then the hollowness in those usually blazing eyes. Lance would do anything than ever see Keith again so empty and void of his fire.

_Yeah, but it’s happening right in front of you. And you’re doing nothing to stop it._

Lance shook his head physically at that thought and grinned when Pidge yelled at him to stop acting like a dog.

“Pidgey, you do know this is a pool, right?” Lance arched an eyebrow at her. “You’re supposed to go _in_ the water, not be outside of it.”

Pidge tore her eyes away from her phone and leveled him with an unimpressed stare.

Lance snickered. “You can’t touch the bottom, can you?”

She rolled her eyes, but put her phone away. He tracked the motion and immediately noticed something unusual. The phones the Paladins were provided with didn’t look like _that_ , as the one Pidge was holding was grey with some scratches on the side as if it had been dropped too many times. The screen was black with a few cracks on it, but nevertheless it didn’t look that bad.

“No way,” Lance said and reached out with a wet hand to grab it. “Is that your phone? Like … from Earth?”

He looked expectedly at his best friend. He forgot his own in his room on that faithful night where he and Hunk decided to sneak out. He should’ve figured Pidge would never go anywhere without hers.

Lance felt a little bit breathless, as he felt a leap of excitement shocking his heart into beating quicker than before. All the possibilities, all the ways he could contact his family and tell them he was okay. God, he felt his hands shaking just when he imagined their faces on the other side. To see his sisters and brothers. He’s ached for this for so long, even longer than before he came to space. He couldn’t even remember the last time he called them all when he was back at the Garrison.

Once again, he’d taken something for granted and now he suffered from losing it.

Pidge broke his hopes into millions of pieces before he could say something.

“Don’t get all excited,” she sighed sadly and kicked her legs into the water. “It works, but the battery is a bit fucked up. It stays at twenty percent and then dies after ten minutes. Not to mention that we can’t establish any Wi-Fi connection in here, or at least a one so strong, that it could possibly reach home.”

Lance’s shoulders slumped.

Of course. Being optimistic had its price. The disappointment if everything didn’t go the way he was hoping for stung like pure acid.

“I’m sorry, Lance. I know how much you want to contact your family,” mumbled Pidge and Lance’s guilt slammed into him just like the water he was swimming in a few moments ago. All of them, including Lance, put such high expectations for Pidge. Always expecting she can do anything even the impossible; know everything and be capable of solving every little problem that appeared.

She was a goddamn _kid._ Pidge shouldn’t have to worry about a war in she could die for or do the impossible of making a connection with Earth. Yet here she was. Doing it and expecting nothing back from him or from anyone on the team.

“Aw, Katie, stop,” Lance said and patted her on the thigh. “I’m sorry you felt like you had to do the literally hardest thing in the world. We’ll go back to Earth and it’ll be way better when we see our parents in flesh and blood.”

He squeezed her thigh, but when he saw her face falling he inwardly winced. Sam and Matt were still out there. Lance decided to leave the pool so with the help of his hands he propped himself and sat next to Pidge.

“You’re also looking for your father and brother. You don’t have to do everything, alright? Don’t sell yourself short – you’ve done more remarkable things that most people at your age will barely do in their lifetime. Be proud.”

Lance scooted next to her and brought his arm around her neck while with his other arms ruffled her unruly hair. She grumbled at that, probably because Lance was wet all over, but Lance knew her better and didn’t miss the way she leaned to him.

She was silent for a few seconds, them staring at the pool in a comforting silence when Pidge spoke up. “I actually decided to turn it on because of Keith.”

“Keith?” Lance asked, surprised at her statement. As far as he knew, Keith was an orphan with Shiro being the only thing closest to a relative. “Why Keith?”

Pidge sighed and turned to take her phone. She turned it on and Lance cooed at the picture of her dog, Bae Bae, that was sleeping near her neck. Then Pidge’s thumb scrolled on the right and she clicked on the icon with a small note.

Her music library opened and she showed him all the songs she’s saved.

“Just …” she began hesitantly, “today for the first time I saw Keith smiling or acting like him again. I’m so worried for him, Lance. I know what it’s like to lose a brother and– I thought to myself _‘What if I unlock my phone and search for all the One Direction songs I’ve saved?’_ ”

She looked up at Lance, her big light brown eyes wet with unshed tears. “Do you think that would make him a bit happy?”

Lance’s heart sunk in his chest, the sadness filling him into the brim. Would that make Keith happy? Lance didn’t know anything anymore if he had to be honest. But he couldn’t say that to Pidge so he just looked back at her phone.

“I can’t see why not.”

Pidge gazed down, sniffing glumly at the screen. Then she put the phone away.

“You should talk to him,” she said with some final in her voice. Like she expected him to do it just like that, no questions asked.

Lance replied with a sound that didn’t sound particularly human and he _felt_ her rolling her eyes at him. Why would Pidge think it’s a good idea for Lance to talk with Keith? Because Lance had been trying to do the exact same thing for the past two weeks with no success on his end. Keith was just far too deep in the rabbit hole to even consider there were people on this ship who cared for his well-being.

_He looked very fine when he talked with Allura though,_ Lance bitterly thought to himself.

Why didn’t _Allura_ talk to Keith? Because, of course, _she_ was the one who found him almost dead in the middle of the night. _Allura_ was the one who showed him the ship’s library and the one who put him in a pod and then caught him when Keith was about to break his face on the floor.

Right?

_No._

He must have scrunched his face in displeasure because Pidge suddenly clicked her tongue and that snapped him from his daze. He looked down at his friend.

“I know he’s not your favorite person and frankly you’re not his either, but whenever we’re on missions and he’s about to do something stupid and reckless … only you and Shiro can talk him out of it. Sometimes he even listens _only_ to you.”

Before Lance could respond with something, Pidge added, “It’s like you’re his …”

She narrowed her eyes in the distance and scrunched her nose, perhaps looking for the best way to express herself in the exact moment. Lance tried to ignore his heart that felt like it was stuck in his throat. His pulse was a heavy drum in his ears and Lance was sure his friends were scarlet. _His what?_

“It’s like you’re his impulse control or something. Like an anchor,” she finished at the end.

_Impulse control._

_Anchor._

Lance would have never described himself like that, especially when it came to he and Keith’s relationship. But if Pidge thought and noticed something then it must have had some truth in it. Still …

“I don’t know, Pidge, I’ve tried but he just doesn’t listen,” Lance trailed off and kicked his legs in the water, copying Pidge’s motions from before.

“Then try harder, Lance. _Please._ ” Lance rarely had heard Pidge begging for all the time they’ve been friends. Perhaps this was even the first time he’d heard her say _‘please’_ that desperately to him. Because Katie Holt didn’t beg or ask, no, she took and grabbed everything her life threw at her and made it her own. “If not for him – then do it for me.”

That was a losing battle and they both knew it. A memory clashed behind his eyes.

Keith’s empty eyes and his own broken _‘Please’_ when Lance wanted to go back and fetch his blade that was thrown to the side in the Red Lion. That blade, that was a part of Keith _himself_ , hurled away like an unwanted object. As if the Red Paladin couldn’t look at it anymore and be reminded he was a Galra. As if Keith could be tossed away just like that, with no care at all.

Something in Lance snapped.

“Okay,” he sighed. To himself or to Pidge – he had no idea.

He wouldn’t do it for Pidge. He’d do it for Pidge _and_ Keith. Because they both deserved way more than whatever they got and Lance wasn’t going to watch helplessly anymore. He refused.

“Thank you, Lance. You’re the best.”

Ah. The Perfect gap for him.

“Duh, of course I am! I mean have you seen those muscles and this face?” He gestured with one hand and smirked at Pidge’s exaggerated groan. “How come _I_ didn’t become the Black Paladin? Zarkon himself would stop the war just so he could ask for my skin care routine!”

“I regret having this conversation already,” she said after she snorted.

Lance simply pushed her into the pool as an answer. Her swearing probably could’ve been heard in the whole castle from how loud she yelled. Not that Lance’s laughter was any better. Later, after they fought in the water (which was just Lance throwing Pidge around and her shrieking), he decided to look thoroughly at what was in Pidge’s music library.

“Pidge, why the fuck do you have the entire Nutcracker ballet in your phone?”

“Why don’t _you_ have the Nutcracker ballet in your phone?”

“Fair.”

⸺ 🦋 ⸺

There are many types of disappointments.

There are sudden disappointments. The ones that you haven’t even considered, yet happen anyways.

There are also disappointments who look simple and trivial like when Lance truly thought he’d made it to the fighter pilot class – only to end up in the cargo one. It didn’t even matter to Lance that he was at the top on the cargo pilot class list. It was just a harsh reminder that he was at the bottom of the another list; of the list he truly wanted to be the best. The disappointment of not getting an immediate call back from his mama, papa and siblings was yet another shitty feeling, or the disappointments from all the people who rejected him or lied to him, playing with his heart in their hands.

But the worst disappointment of all, in Lance’s opinion are the ones you _expect._ When you know shit is going to end badly and you’ll be let down. All the odds are against you, but there’s still a tiny flicker of hope, somewhere buried deep down under all the dirty negativism. And that flicker hope is the killing blow when shit _does_ end up being even worse than you could imagine. And there is a tiny voice in your head, laughing and laughing, mocking that small fire of faith.

_I knew it I knew it I knew it_

Like an ugly reminder that hope, so beautiful and amazing, can be as devastating and destructive for the heart. Like a fire you hoped you’d be able to put out only for it to become bigger and swallow you and then turn you into ash.

That’s what Lance felt as he rounded up in the hallway, catching sight of Allura and Keith outside his door. Allura had her arms crossed with Keith mirroring her pose, their bodies close. Lance didn’t know but he immediately stepped away before they could see him, back pressing to the white wall where he could hear their quiet voices. He didn’t know why he did that, perhaps because it was intimate. His heart was like a rock in his chest.

He strained his ears and listened.

“I don’t think so.” Keith’s voice was hard like the edge of a blade and Lance recognized the tone. This was an angry Keith, one who was actually ready to fight anyone. And it seemed Allura was the only available person for that.

“But you should,” Allura countered, her voice just as firm, if not even more than his. That was the voice of a princess, of an Altean royal that was used to commanding and expecting obeying. “It’s been almost three movements. Those Lions are way smarter than they look. And if the Black Lion comes alone–“

Lance barely had time to comprehend the meaning, _the implication_ , of Allura’s words before Keith cut her off with a growl.

“Don’t you finish that sentence, ‘Lura.”

_‘Lura._ Not Allura. No one in the team really used a nickname for her. Except for Keith. Lance felt his forehead wrinkling in dissatisfaction. Just how far was this friendship going to end up?

“Keith, I know you believe Shiro is alive, trust me, I do too,” she said, her voice softer than before. Lance wondered if she got closer to Keith; if she touched him. It was getting physically hard not to look. “But we as a team must expect all the outcomes. And if Shiro told you on that moon–“

Keith interrupted her once again. “Shiro told me _nothing._ He was wounded terribly and was talking gibberish the whole time. Stop trying to put this weight on me when you know I won’t be able to handle it.”

Weight? What _weight_? What were they talking about? It seemed way more important which meant that they should’ve told the team. Although they didn’t seem to be hiding at all.

“Shiro knew the Black Lion the best so don’t you dare underestimate your brother’s judgement,” countered Allura.

They were both fire, Lance realized. Both stubborn and burning like flames no one could ever put out. The princess and the Red Paladin were either forest fires, destroying everything on their path or warm candles, soft and comforting, providing with light even in the darkest places.

Lance pushed his curls away with a hand, pondering if he should step up if things got too heated up between them. Pun intended.

“Allura, can’t you just have some faith in Shiro? We’ll find him or he’ll come back to us and everything will be fine. I know it,” Keith replied tiredly, but his tone indicated that he wasn’t going to back down either. Two forces were colliding in here and Lance could perfectly imagine both of their faces. “Stop trying to control everything.”

_“What?”_

Lance almost flinched at the way her pitch changed, the air getting so tense that Lance felt if he was closer he’d choke from all the steam they were clogging the air with.

“You heard me. You’re like some control freak sometimes!” Keith began to finally yell. “Like if things don’t go your way is the worst thing that happen to the universe! Well _sorry_ if I have a different opinion or approach than _you._ ”

“If I wasn’t a _control freak_ then everything around us would go to shit! You all would go mad without me and Coran on this ship and you know it! At least the other are grateful and are doing the best to be positive in the situation! What are you doing except for not sleeping, not eating and training until you pass out from _exhaustion_!”

Allura’s voice gently cracked on the last word. Lance’s whole body itched to go there and comfort both of them. They were fighting, yes, but the fight was more out of friend concern rather than some malicious purpose to hurt each other. At least on the princess’s end.

“At least I care about Shiro and refuse to move on like he was some replaceable toy in this stupid war!”

“Keith–“

_“I am not going to be Black Paladin, Allura!”_ Keith snapped. “And that’s a final! Now leave me alone.”

And just like that, as if made of glass, the world around like Lance shattered into tiny pieces that seemed to cut everywhere they could reach. His breath hitched loudly and he hoped they hadn’t managed to hear him in the middle of this silence that has frozen the air. Then Lance heard the sound of doors departing and closing as Allura sighed.

Sighing in _disappointment._ He barely registered the sound of her steps fading down in the corridor.

At first there was anger. It burned hotter than any fire and it filled him until there was nothing else to fill more. Lance’s throat tightened like the smoke of said fire was obstructing the air to get in his lungs. He felt like there was ash on his tongue. Lance Àlvarez, the Blue Paladin, Guardian of the Water, felt like _fire_ at this exact moment. This anger was pounding like a livid heartbeat all around him, engulfed in a cocoon of inferno. Flames straight out of his own personal _hell._

Breathing became difficult and Lance’s squeezed into fists.

_Of course._

Keith Kang – ever the perfect, ever the amazing would be the Black Paladin. Of course Lance was once again watching from the sidelines, from the bench like the next loser, stupid enough to ever believe he’d be a real player in the game. He should’ve known better. Lance wasn’t bad enough to be kicked out of Voltron, but never good enough to be something more.

_Never good enough._ He could never have Shiro’s leadership abilities or Keith’s fierce bravery and skill, or Hunk’s absolute kindness and ability to have everyone like him, or Pidge’s intelligence. His teammates were all a bar Lance could only _dream_ of reaching.

Because he never had a _thing_. He was good at shooting and everyone could do that. Fucking hell, Keith could probably pick it up in a few weeks if he had enough training and ambition. Which he had.

Might as well let Keith pilot all the Voltron Lions then.

He stood there, all alone, breathing heavily in the hallway. Too late he realized he’d sat down with his head between his legs.

Shit.

But as soon as the fire withdrew slowly and slowly … the disappointment instead came and put a black, quiet hand over his head as if pushing him even lower. So he can sink until no one could find him.

_I knew it I knew it I knew it_

Because it wasn’t Keith’s fault he was better than Lance. Or any of his friends that Lance wasn’t good enough and would never be. He had himself to blame and no one else. He could’ve thrived for the higher mountains or tried harder, but it felt like no matter how hard he tried – the result stayed the same.

So Lance stayed there, tears drowning his palms and wetting the Castle floor.

He wanted his mama. He wanted to hug his mom; to feel her strong and arms instead of this imaginary skinny hand with long talons that kept creepily scratch his head in some sick parody of Catalina Gonzalez’s mother touch.

His finger weekly groped the cross on his chest. A sob escaped him.

“Mamá,” a sob escaped from him, “te echo de menos, mamá.”

_Mom. I miss you, mom._

Yeah. This was the worst kind of disappointment.

Because Lance always knew he could never be Black Paladin. He could never be, because all he was, all he’ll ever be, was a fucking joke.

More sobs rocked his body.

But then …

A _feeling._

So, so different than this coldness. A touch made of warmth itself, like a crackling fire; a firework of sparks and stars that spread through his chest. Lance inhaled and exhaled and almost laughed in relief at how easy it was now. To breathe. It felt like a great storm has passed and now Lance was basking in the aftermath; of the wet grass and the smell of the fresh rain.

It felt like his _mamá._

The only one who could ever make him feel like this, to calm him down and pull him up from something so horrible and choking. It was Blue.

But that was _not_ the Blue Lion. Lance knew her projections and essence like the back of his hand. This was not his Blue, no, this was something else entirely. However Lance didn’t complain and welcomed the comfort with open arms.

This new, unfamiliar ghost stayed with him until he found power to get up and reach his room. All up until he dressed in his pajamas and buried himself under his covers, mildly wondering if another dream would occur.

A soothing hand caressed the edges of his mind and Lance fell asleep on the second.

When he woke up, that warm ghost was still with him like a lover whom had stayed in during night.

⸺ 🦋 ⸺

Lance found Coran on the Main deck after yet another silent, awkward breakfast.

The man was typing God-knew-what on the holographic buttons as letters from the Altean alphabet appeared on the huge screen. Lance recognized some words like _‘levels’_ and _‘reactors’_ , but the rest was still just swirling nonsense in his brain. At first he was really keen on learning the language, after all, he always had a knack for it. He knew more than three even as it was required in the Garrison for less and has always loved to learn more. It brought a sense of fulfillment when he could speak to someone and watch their face break out in a blinding smile as they realize Lance could speak in their native tongue.

However, Altean was especially hard to study, not to mention an _alien_ language with very hard pronunciation. At least many languages on Earth had same roots which was easier to get the hang of. Lance wasn’t giving up on learning it, but he wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t slacking off in his studies.

He cleared his throat so he could get Coran’s attention. “Hey, Coran! The gorgeous man himself!”

Coran’s back went rigid for just a small second before he turned around and regarded Lance with a wide smile, his funny moustache jumping somehow. He was in his usual attire, remaining fresh and positive, even under all the heavy circumstances.

“Lance, my boy!” He said and invited Lance closer with a hand. With his hands in his jacket pockets, Lance grinned and inched closer to the older man. Coran was like a light beam and in this cold space, sometimes you needed a bit of unconditional warmth. Sometimes, when everything turned a bit too dark for Lance, he thought Coran was the only one on this ship that truly liked him. “Come! I am looking for some software updates on the castle, because this bad boy has been giving me trouble with the way it’s been kind of slow these past quintants. I hope it hasn’t bugged you, lad!”

“Nah,” said Lance. He didn’t even _notice_ any problems with the Castle’s systems. Not after it went crazy on all of them. But he wasn’t going to fight about it with Coran, after all, he was the expert here.

“Great news!” Piped Coran and turned back to his business. “Can you be a good boy and bring me some of those boxes over there?”

The Altean pointed with his leg, while not looking, at the right corner of the room. Lance followed with his eyes and noticed all the fancy white cubes stocked together on top of each other. He shrugged carelessly and did as asked. The boxes were heavy, but with pleasant surprise, Lance remarked that his arms didn’t strain as much as before. It seemed that all the extra swimming after training and missions proved to be a good of tactic of keeping his muscles lean and strong and even gain more mass.

Maybe he was useless and expendable, but at least he looked good.

“Yes, bring them here! I have to look for this little gadget that I’ve probably stocked here somewhere, hmm … ”

Lance obeyed his request and watched with amusement as Coran hummed a happy tune whilst searching in all the boxes. It reminded him too much of his abuelo Fernando who also used Lance as a personal secretary whenever he decided something needed fixing in the house. His mother always claimed they could hire a professional to do the job instead of him, but Fernando always waved his daughter off, telling Lance to hold the flashlight higher for a millionth time.

“AHA!” Coran exclaimed a strange looking device that resembled a small version of a crowbar. It was black with neon straps shining all around it. Lance watched Coran working silently, staying back and hoping it didn’t bother the other.

The sound of Coran tapping, humming or grumbling was quite comforting so at the end Lance settled on one of the chairs, near the windows where he could watch the stars. Today Keith was scheduled first for the scout mission and no matter his recent resentment and petty jealousy, Lance was worried and prayed he’d come back fine. After Keith – it was Hunk and Pidge and then Lance. Which left him with nothing to do for the rest of the day. He supposed he could train or swim, but somehow he wasn’t in the mood for either.

Not to mention that tonight there weren’t any dreams about Auraline and her friends so he had nothing to dwell over except for the previous dream that occurred.

He sighed and leaned his head back.

“Is something bothering you, Lance?” Coran suddenly asked and Lance realized he must’ve sighed a bit louder than he intended to. The boy turned his head to the right where Coran’s purple eyes watched him curiously. He was crouching and fixing something on the big keyboard with another weird instrument in his gloved hand and added through some metal sticks in his mouth, “You look kind of down, my boy.”

“Um … it’s nothing, really. Just bored,” said Lance and went back to watching the stars. He hoped Coran caught on that he wasn’t in the mood for talking and didn’t bother him.

There was a hum on Coran’s end and Lance sighed again.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something,” Lance offered and looked to their adviser. Coran looked up from where he was digging in one of the boxes, a ginger eyebrow raised. “Uh so I … ”

But as Lance began, he immediately stopped himself. He couldn’t tell anything to Coran about those dreams, could he? What if he thought he was crazy or laugh at him? Lance couldn’t risk to speak of those weird dreams if he didn’t have any solid explanation or proof. But he could still ask if he wasn’t being direct about it so after the small pause Lance opened his mouth again, this time ready with a better question.

“I was wondering about this one planet? In some books it was mentioned some times and I was curious if one day we can visit it?”

God, he was really fighting off a groan. He literally pulled this out of his ass and so he counted on Coran’s innocence that he didn’t look deeper into this. Lance couldn’t even think of something better that wouldn’t sound suspicious or give him away. Thankfully, he remembered Yunia’s name and it was probably the only useful thing he had from which Lance could gather information about the dreams. If, after all, this place was just a fragment of his imagination or somehow real.

He didn’t know which option was better or worse.

“Of course! Anything for you, lad – just say the name! I’ll search for it in the database!” Coran got up swiftly on his feet and opened some kind of window, once again filled with the nicely curved swirls that were the Altean letters. “Be thankful I upgraded all the information on everything we missed on the one thousand decaphoebs we’ve been asleep with Allura!”

He twiddled with his moustache with one finger and then glanced inquisitively at Lance.

Lance cleared his suddenly dry throat, his chest tightening. “It’s uh … Yunia.”

Coran’s fingers started flying over the control panel and after a firm click on one of the buttons, a hologram of a planet appeared. It was fairly small, perhaps a bit smaller than Earth itself – in a beige color with random spots of light brown scattered all over it. It reminded Lance of that sand planet from Star Wars, a movie that his abuela forced him to watch when he announced he’d apply for the Garrison. Saying that it’d be a good training on what to do if one day he meets aliens.

He should’ve listened to her more, because was she right.

“Let’s see,” Coran hummed, scratching his chin, “established as a planet of the Etyrispian galaxy in 879-4 BTE, a home planet of sand dunes and forests and was one of the biggest economical centers for species beyond the galaxy in the times of the Third Generation. On its east it neighbored with uninhabited BQTRAZ-42 and with Daibazaal on the west.”

Then the man leaned back, as if surprised by whatever he read.

“What is it, Coran?” Lance asked, standing up from his seat. He walked to Coran as he was a bit worried by this reaction.

“I think I remember now,” whispered Coran and pointed with a finger at the planet next to Yunia, which was much, much bigger its purple sky, purple clouds and brown black ground awfully familiar somehow. “They were really good providers for the Galra at the time. Yunia was a place of huge shops and even huger parties for the young. I think Alfor’s father – King Rammak – used to love this place. I was too young to remember and I never went there, but I’ve heard wild stories.”

Then he chuckled. “Oh my, what a shame! I could’ve been the Party King at this place!”

He gave Lance a dramatic wink and twirled his moustache again, but Lance’s brain was stuck still on what Coran said. “ _Wait, wait, wait._ So you mean to tell me this,” said Lance and pointedly thrusted a finger at the purple planet, “is the home planet of the Galra?!”

Why they haven’t heard of it before? Why they didn’t attack yet if this was where all of the remaining servants of Zarkon were hiding? Lance found himself in a forest full of questions, but before he could open his mouth Coran patted him teasingly on the shoulder.

“ _Was._ Was the home planet of the Galra, young lad. After Zarkon and his wife, Honerva, got poisoned from the too much Quintessence exposure – Daibazaal crumbled because of their actions and millions of innocent died. So don’t worry your pretty head! Zarkon is dead and we only have to find Shiro! We’ll be back at your Earth in no time!”

Coran patted him again and moved away from him, turning off the hologram. Yunia and Daibazaal disappeared from his sight immediately.

“B-b-but wait! What about Yunia?”

Coran’s gaze was surprised at first, but then a mist of sadness covered his eyes. Lance swallowed nervously.

“Ah, yes …” he sighed. “It was destroyed long ago, during the war between the–“

Coran didn’t get to finish what he had to say when abruptly, out of nowhere the doors of the Main deck opened in a quick swift to reveal a panting Hunk, his bandana slightly fallen on the right side. He was disheveled like he ran his big hands through his hair too many times and his eyes jumped from him to Coran, too quickly like a scared rabbit. Lance stepped hesitantly towards his best friend, raising his hands as if to calm him down immediately if needed.

“Hey–“

“Guys! Allura said to search for you and tell you to come with me to the Red Lion hanger!”

“Is everything okay?” Asked Coran, while already walking behind Lance whom started walking faster at the Yellow Paladin.

“More than okay!”

Then Hunk’s face split into a beautiful grin, brown eyes glittering with joy and relief. Lance’s heartbeat skyrocketed.

“Keith found the Black Lion.”

Lance’s feet suddenly felt like they were weightless and with a choked out laugh and a loud yell, he started running faster than ever towards the hangars.

Shiro! They’d found Shiro and the Black Lion! Which meant that everything was going to be fine! They would go back to Earth and he’d see his parents and siblings. When they arrived, Pidge was jumping while holding Allura’s hand tight. Keith ran off from the Lion as he removed his helmet – a toothy smile, one of the real ones, on his lips.

After they all calmed down, Lance stood on the side watching his teammates with a tiny smirk – his nerves jittery and on fire.

But somehow … in the midst of all the yelling and happy tears as Keith explained where he’d found Black – a thought, like a blossoming flower, but fast like a lightning reappeared in his mind.

_‘It was destroyed long ago.’_

It was destroyed long ago.

Yunia, the planet, was destroyed long ago just like Daibazaal with the purple skies and the black sand. But how come the Galran woman in his dreams spoke of it if it was destroyed?

Pidge barreled into him like a wrecking ball for a crushing hug just like the realization did.

Because those _visions_ he had about a Galran woman and her friends that no one was afraid of, of Altean women who were thieves … those _dreams_ … weren’t random dreams at all.

Those were memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and again — i am sorry if this is not the chapter you expected nor wanted, but it is needed for the plot that needs some time to actually settle in. thank u for ur patience! 💗
> 
> last time, i asked if I should have long chapters with long intervals of time or short ones with shorter updates.  
> i tried and i failed. i just CAN'T write a chapter that's under 10k words. i physically can't. i tried and i FAILED. i just have so much shit to say and so many moments and feelings that it's just UGH. i promise you that in my future stories that i will try to do short chapters, but it seems like in this one it won't be the case. :( sorry
> 
> • for the record, i changed the canonical appearance of daibazaal because the planet is so fuckin ugly imo? why the hell the Galra have such an ugly planet? i refuse.
> 
> • for those of you who have read my previous story, boyfriend, they know that i ranted on allura's character and how the people in the fandom see and write her. now it's time for pidge.
> 
> WHY THE FUCK. ARE YALL MAKING HER SUCH A GODDAMN ASSHOLE IN YOUR STORIES? WHY. i admit, pidge is not my favorite in the show, but i swear some of y'all who write her make her the meanest bitch that I've never wanted to slap more. she is sassy and know-it-all, but for some reason everyone makes her a legit gremlin in the fics. why would she meddle in klance's business or bet on them or tease them 24/7 like a goddamn moron?? in some fics she even hits lance or keith when they get out of a pod? are y'all crazy 💀 bruh. anyways - in my fic i want pidge to be a strong girl who also can learn to lean on others and is not a goddamn trash of a person. because she's not. she cries when she sees cool planets, is a sweet nerd when it comes to robots and science and built her own friends from trash materials when she was on that planet in s2. pidge is not some emotionless meanie nor she would be annoyed if someone came to console with her. she'd be awkward or joke, but won't be an ASSHOLE. rant over.
> 
> • woke brain : keith is an emo and stans mcr  
> my astronomical brain : keith looks like an emo but is actually a 1d stan
> 
> hugs and kisses, y'all ! 💘 until next time 💋


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